Another long day driving
Mr. Thornton (Richard Armitage) contemplates his past while on his way to visit Nicholas Higgins in episode 4 of North & South. Source: RichardArmitageNet.com
All of Sylvester, twice. It’s just so good, Richard Armitage is just so good. Posting on this, and why, soon. The Smiths. Le vent du nord. Lisztomania. Two nights of tossing and turning. Bits of sobbing. Humidity. Bugs I don’t recognize. Bizarre drivers. Can it really rain that hard without hailing? I’m here. Is this the right thing? G-d only knows. Tomorrow’s going to have to be enough time to figure out what’s going on on Monday.
I’ve seen this video so many times now I can practically replay it in my head. I refrain from doing this while driving. But I also now know the Ke$ha album practically by heart. A little ashamed of this. But it’s easier to make time while driving when the drums I listen to on the car stereo aren’t real.
More than a little ashamed that I need a fantasy man in the passenger seat to keep my foot on the gas. BUT. First of all, these fantasies do not fade — they continue to have power, they continue to motivate. I keep thinking sometime this has to stop, SOMETIME the pictures of Mr. Armitage in my brain are going to lose their energy. One day I’ll wake up and not be preoccupied. Instead, they get stronger. And as long as they stay strong, they work. ALSO. Thinking about being able to blog this week about Armitage stuff on my mind = lifesaver. Thinking there’s an outside of this particular world, set of problems, etc. I’m letting myself keep this thing for myself even as I rationally note the impossibilities, the sheer ridiculousness.
Trying not to be afraid, trying not to be sad, trying to see what’s about to happen as a gift, even if it’s one with a meaning that I don’t really understand.
Time for sleep.