John Thornton declining in popularity as hypothetical winter warm-up companion

Here are the results of the poll, since it’s above freezing here now for the first time in a few days.

The question was: What is the best chaRActer remedy for dealing with the cold weather currently afflicting North America?

Roughly three-quarters of all the votes went to the top three choices, which on the surface suggests some clear preferences among the readership of this blog, though since the third-place option was a choice not to choose out of fear of offending any of the candidates, I am perhaps saying too much. I also don’t know how much the choice of activity determined the polling result. Would more readers have chosen Lucas North if he’d been reciting Blake’s poems while staring his interlocutor in the eyes? I’ll have to make the poll more sophisticated next time.

For now, the winners are:

First place, by a nose, to Harry Kennedy (26.32%, 25 votes): “Harry Kennedy snuggles up on the coach with you and a book.”

Harry Kennedy (Richard Armitage) looks in puzzlement at Geraldine Granger (Dawn French) after Alice characterizes him as a townie bastard in “A Handsome Stranger” (the penultimate episode of Vicar of Dibley). Source: Richard Armitage Central Gallery

Harry responded in similar puzzlement when told of this honor. First prize was a night out with fitzg, which Harry declined because he was afraid that Geraldine wouldn’t understand. The prize committee decided to replace the prize with — what else — a used book. Servetus is currently enjoying Antonia Fraser’s memoir of her life with Harold Pinter and will pass that on to Harry just as soon as she’s finished. (Actually, marital infidelity aside, Servetus wishes she were Antonia Fraser.)

Second place separated from first by only one vote, to Sir Guy of Gisborne (25.26%, 24 votes — and Servetus’ own personal preference, after two days of cogitation): “Sir Guy of Gisborne nuzzles all up and down your body, using his stubble to create friction=heat.”

Sir Guy of Gisborne (Richard Armitage) on a particularly stubbly day in Robin Hood 1.9, “A Thing or Two about Loyalty.” Love the waves behind his ears and the curls at his neck, too. Mmmmm. Source: Richard Armitage Central Gallery

Sir Guy concurred that his stubble is amazingly frictional, and promised the prize committee that he would never shave himself smooth or put any kind of lubricant on his face now that his stubble is growing back after his night with Servetus. We offered him the prize of a night out with fitzg, but he reacted negatively since fitzg admitted in public that she doesn’t think he can read in any language before asking her friends to kick him off her couch. The prize committee responded by offering him free reading lessons. At which point, sadly, the prize committee was thrown out of Nottingham Castle. Servetus suspects that Guy is thinking about payback for Harry but wishes that he was thinking instead about learning to read, as she think it was the presence of the unspecified book that allowed Harry Kennedy to pull ahead of him by a nose in this poll.

Third place to UNDECIDED ??!?! (22.11%, 21 votes): “I can’t decide!!! Don’t make me decide!!!”

Servetus doesn’t know what to think about this except that perhaps readers don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Or they’re afraid of payback from Guy for telling the truth …

But our main prize — a wonderful night with fitzg — had still gone unawarded.

So the honorary third place award goes to John Thornton (9.47%, 9 votes): “Mr. Thornton stares at you subtly while you share a piping hot cup of tea.”

Mr. Thornton (Richard Armitage) casts a slightly flirtatious glance at Margaret during the tea scene, as he elicits a statement from her that conversation about Arkwright’s invention was not boring, in North & South, episode 1. Nowadays we’d call that passive aggression. Source: Richard Armitage Central Gallery

Mr. Thornton, used to being everyone’s first choice, was still thrilled to be our honorary third prize winner, and delighted at the prospect of spending the night with fitzg. As preparation, we gave him a key of Servetus’s favorite tea: Darjeeling first flush super fine tippy golden flowery orange pekoe from Teekampagne. We also supplied him with a timer and the warning to steep the tea only in water that had reached a rolling boil for exactly three minutes before straining. He warned, however, that too many cups of tea are hard on the male bladder and wondered whether fitzg would be willing to switch to a different beverage after a cup or three. I told him I would leave this up to fitzg, who said she would bring a tea cake. Mr. Thornton reportedly likes coconut.

In other news, Lee Preston, Uhtred of Bebbanburg, and Lord Damerel got NO votes. This result suggests to Servetus that (a) many fans of the chaRActers are couch potatoes and (b) chaRActer fans may talk a good game about how much they love that velvet voice, but when it comes right down to it, they prefer the chaRActer they can see to the one they have to create in their imagination. Unfortunately, Lee really, really wanted to go out with fitzg, and he’s not taking this lying down.

“Aerobic exercise increases circulation to the peripheral parts of your body. Don’t you know that doing it with me is the best way to keep warm? You’re sacrificing your health to hang out with that smooth, wimpy loser who wouldn’t know a bench press if it hit him in the face!” [Actually: Richard Armitage as Lee Preston in Cold Feet 5.5.] Source: Richard Armitage Central Gallery

Lee Preston reacts as Servetus tells him rather forcefully to get bent. [Actually: same as above.] Source: Richard Armitage Central Gallery

~ by Servetus on February 4, 2011.