I just do not get this

Richard Armitage as Guy of Gisborne in Robin Hood 1.8. My cap.

Richard Armitage as Dr. Alex Track in The Golden Hour 1.1. My cap.

Richard Armitage as Lucas North in Spooks 8.5. My cap.

I was cutting video today and I was thinking that if I were a regular vidder, I’d never get out from under this obsession. If you go a few days only looking at caps, and then you look at video again, oh, my sweet lord, it is like seeing Mr. Armitage for the first time all over again. I’m electrified, transfixed, stuck.

I’m trying to say to myself grapefruit, grapefruit, it’s only grapefruit, or explaining it by spending most of three days without Armitage of any kind (still don’t know why the fantasies don’t happen in the synagogue), but it’s like the first day of summer vacation somehow. I’m short of breath but full of hope for what might happen and above all, when I’m watching him, I’m not anxious about anything.

And I feel like it allows me to be a nicer person than I really am. With these sentiments in the back of my mind I can watch with equanimity as someone cuts me off in traffic, I don’t feel like frowning when a student approaches me for help in a coffeeshop at 10 p.m. at night on a Sunday, I can tell the human resources person who’s made a mistake that’s going to cost me $150 out of pocket in insurance costs that it could happen to anyone — and I can do all these things without resenting them.

I just feel a little silly and crazy because that’s the first thing that always occurs to me to blog about — how giddy this makes me feel, “what a rare mood” I’m always in, and how when it recedes just a little and washes back up it’s just as intense and good and liberating as it ever was. Or lately: better.

Thank you, Richard Armitage. Thank you, universe.

~ by Servetus on October 4, 2011.

27 Responses to “I just do not get this”

  1. *Waters Servetus more* Enjoy the emotional nourishment. Good feelings should always be savored.

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  2. This made me happy just reading it Servetus! I’m constantly amazed when, just as I think the “obsession” seems to be waning a little, I see a picture or, just as you have experienced, watched a video, and once again I’m a gonner!! 😉 He even makes me feel years younger just thinking about him. 😀

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  3. I agree with Judiang. Enjoy!! Things kept reminding me of Richard even on the cruise. And I was already having a good time, which just RA made it better. The six feet, two inch tall male dancer from Belarus with hawkish profile and snake hips (I only know his exact height because they mention it in one of the productions) . . . and Belarus is close to Russia, and Russia makes me think of Lucas . . . the color of the Caribbean water that made me think of Monet’s beautiful blue eyes . . .and the Impressionistic paintings on display at the art auction that made me think, yet again, of Monet. When they played “Sexy Back” for one of the skits involving audience members, and I could only think of Heather’s fab vids. I didn’t have Richard along with me on the cruise, and yet–I did.
    So-I have been sequestered part of the day in my borrowed bedroom, listening to everything from Mozart to LMFAO through my earbuds and writing. And imagining the expressions, the gestures, the voice of my
    Guy Fitzhugh. *sigh*As inspired by our Richard.

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  4. Wow, Angie is back! 🙂 Why did you not send us a postcard from the Caribbean?
    Servetus, if I understand correctly, Armitage is your ‘first choice’ anxiolytic (the one best suited for the case). His effect on me is sometimes soothing, sometimes exciting, it changes as I need. Just the perfect medicine. 😉

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    • Hey, fabi! I am in and out sporadically as I have to borrow my sister’s desktop for the time being and don’t want to “hog” the computer. They don’t have wi-fi here and I won’t be back home until the weekend. I actually have a slideshow video made from the cruise which I will post as soon as I am able at YT and Vimeo. Looking at the images of the beautiful water and the glorious sunsets at sea has a wonderful effect on me and I hope it would for others. Good medicine like a certain Mr.Armitage. 😀

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      • Sounds like you are having a wonderful time angie 🙂 Looking forward to seeing your slideshow video.

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      • So happy to see your name on a comment again Angie! It will be great to see the pictures when you get back and hear more about your cruise and time with loved ones.

        @Servetus. I was just re-reading your post and you sound like a totally different person to what you were a number of months ago. Joy seems to leap from your words and I rejoice! Just go along with all wonderful things you are experiencing and savour each and every emotion. I guarantee you are neither silly nor crazy!

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    • well put, fabi.

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  5. Maybe RA has come to me at this time of my life when I am mature enough to appreciate the man and talent that he is, but I also have enough years ahead of me in which to watch, love and admire him. Instead of trying to work out why, now I simply just enjoy how he makes me feel. As you say, fabi, it changes. Monet and Harry lighten my heart, JS warms me and Guy, Lucas, JT and JP “stir” me (to quote a certain dark, sexy henchman 😉 )
    Don’t worry about “not getting this” servetus, just enjoy!
    PS: I’ve just learnt how to screencap, rather proud of myself actually, considering my lack of computer skills!

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    • I have resisted screencapping, vidding, blogging, fanfic writing and other outlets that the most creative amongst us resort to in their Armitage fascination. I have succumbed to endless admiration, daydreaming, nightdreaming, writing silly verse, reading and posting on blogs, drooling over others’ creative endevours and poring over any and everything that concerns him and I still can’t get enough of this man after almost two whole years!

      As you say, Teuchter and Mezz, why put up any resistance? Let the man rejuvenate my inner fangurl and enjoy the ride!

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      • I feel like I fell from one into the next — admiration to blogging to capping to vidding to fanfic writing. The only thing I haven’t done so far is draw …

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    • well, if I didn’t think about it, I probably wouldn’t be writing here — explaining “why” is sort of the reason for the blog 🙂

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  6. @Millyme: endless admiration-tick; daydreaming-tick; nightdreaming-tick; blogs-tick; drooling over others’ creative endeavours-tick; poring over everything concerning him *sigh*-tick. Yep, that’s me too (minus the writing silly verse -I’m not poetically creative) and luuvving it. Having worked out screencapping, I’m a little worried about adding yet another RA activity to the list. Last time I looked, there were still only 24 hours in a day!

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  7. Oh, Serv, another thought provoking post. As ever, your comments closely echo my own. Some people turn to alcohol, or food, or smoking, or another vice to deal with the unpleasantness of life. We choose to turn to RA, and to me that seems like a much healthier option. Unfortunately, as of yet my RA obsession has not overcome my propensity to eat when under stress. Perhaps that can be one of my goals for this new year? RA as a weight control aid?

    I agree with other posters, too, on your mood over the last few months. Seems like you are much happier and more relaxed, despite what sounds like an incredibly hectic schedule. Moving and the new job seem to agree with you!

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    • There’s a weight loss thread on C19, I believe — I’ve never looked at it, but perhaps they use pictures of Armitage for that, too. If they helped destress, that would have a big effect, I think.

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  8. Hmmm. Delurking to say it’s RA’s fault I ended up today dreaming when I should have been doing something more productive with myself. I have UMPTEEN unfinished projects in my life and yet I spent a whole hour of my life today worrying about RA’s future! Principally, how, when he is such a workaholic, is he going to juggle career, family, kids, schools, stability, with work (wherever it may be). Suffice to say I think I came to the conclusion he would prioritise his career and put other stuff on hold until it was too late. (although I hope he’ll get everything he wants when he wants it!) I hate the thought of him being lonely.

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    • Sorry it took so long to reply, Scarlett1960 — I have this exact some problem, end up wondering the exact same things and coming to similar conclusions.

      I also hope he’s not lonely, but I’m not so worried about that. People tend to socialize around work, and he’s got plenty of that, so at least he presumably meets people.

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  9. Hi Servetus,
    Great post! For me, I liken my admiration of Richard Armitage and his storytelling as essential to my life–and that’s a good thing. So, here’s a little poem I just wrote that sums up my feelings about it.
    Cheers! Grati ;->

    “Just as I Need Air to Breathe” by Gratiana

    Air fills my lungs and oxygenates my blood.
    My heart pumps my blood everywhere–there,
    and there, and there, and there.
    Blood courses through my veins and nourishes my body–organs,
    brain, and heart.
    My brain keeps my lungs breathing, and
    my brain keeps my heart pumping.
    Which of these is more important to keeping me alive?
    Air, blood, heart, brain?
    I do not question their relative value to each other.
    My life depends upon each of them.
    They are integral parts of the whole system that is my life.

    In the same way, “he” is integral to the whole system
    that is my life now.
    I breathe in his presence in films, in video, in audio, in pictures
    and in articles.
    His films are stories of love and lust, of honor and duty,
    of betrayal and devastation that course through my veins.
    His character portrayals touch my heart and soul
    as no one else has.
    And I create stories and essays about him and for him as I engage
    my artistic brain in conversations with others about him.

    My logical brain does not question, nor wonder, nor worry
    about his presence anymore.
    He, just is. As I, just am.
    He is like air to me.
    And air is good, life giving, and life affirming.
    Because just as I need air to breathe, I need him.

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    • Hi Gratiana, I can´t express my fascination like you do. I enjoy the words you choose and you assuredly have a nice turn of phrase. “He is like air to me” that sounds a bit familiar. It´s the same with me, he is such an integral element to my life. Even so I´m sometimes at my wit´s end and quite confused about scraping together the feelings initiated by the real RA (??) and the virtual Johns, Lucas or Guy which I had put together in my head.
      But thank you for this nice poem.

      Hi Servetus, I keep on asking myself why I kicked it down the road for so long, to order the N&S-DVD. It was on my wish-and-to-buy-list for several years. Last October my part-time lifepartner (a bit of a difficult matter) gave me the N&S-DVD as a present, because he accidently had acquired it. He owns a second-hand store for CD/DVD/Vinyl and he knows about my passion for British period films. The next evening I watched the 4 parts in one go and since then nought is any more as it was before!!!!
      Maybe I wouldn´t have been open for such a radical change earlier? (I for one completely stopped to knit, which I performed with certain skills, endurance and passion for decades as a compensation to my endless work with computers, telephones and paper!! As I started to read all this blogs, websites, fanfictions (my English needed and still needs a lot of improvement!) and to watch all the work RA had done so far, there is no time left for other spare time activities.)
      It is often a rather strenuous endeavour to survive my busy up-to-10-hour-days in the theatre, with my head (and heart !) so giddy and distracted from my incessant thoughts about a certain RA. I feel a strain in a way, which threatens to somehow rip me apart. It is this niggling feeling to be left in disbelief, to know I´m never ever going to meet him (what would I tell him??) and on the other hand, I reckon to know him and then to absolutly know nothing about him… Weird… Does that make any kind of sense??
      BTW you mentioned the grapefruits again. I´m a real grapefruit lover, but it doesn´t work that good on me! Probably I´ve got something wrong?? 🙂

      RAFrenzy posted a candid-pic the other day on her blog. When I saw it the first time it struck me at heart… I felt so strangely close to him. He seems so nearby, just an arm´s length away. Never had such an experience before. Electrified, transfixed and stuck (your words!)

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      • linda60, I loved this story. I do think there’s something to seeing him at just that right moment. I think that’s true for me. I had sen N&S once before Armitagemania hit.

        I too often ponder the “what if I meet him / what if I never meet him?” question without coming to any conclusions.

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