“A dirty lie,” insists dedicated Richard Armitage blogger

Author of “me + richard armitage” taken prisoner by greedy therapist

Dateline: Reuters (U.S.)

In a shocking turn of events, the blogger who writes “me + michael fassbender” appeared suddenly at her local S******** this morning, demanding caffeine and claiming she had been the victim of a kidnapping and a cruel hoax.

“I have been completely at the mercy of my therapist,” the blogger, who calls herself Servetus, insisted. “She’d been increasingly insistent the last few months that I needed to ‘get over’ Richard Armitage. When I resisted her advice, she said I was in denial about the severity of my mental illness.”

“She kept me in her office at gunpoint and made me watch scenes from Hunger and Jane Eyre on endless loops,” Servetus reported. “As if watching an ugly, emaciated man with a muscle pathology in his forehead was going to turn me off the unbelievably talented actual subject of my blog. Then, when it didn’t work, she kept making me look at still photos of his penis. Eeeeew! I’ve felt nauseous for days! Finally, she told me that I was never going to write about Richard Armitage again, and stole my laptop and passwords.”

Asked whether it was true that her case of celebrity worship syndrome had become unmanageable, the blogger responded angrily, “I only went to the therapist for advice on how to stop biting my fingernails. I never, ever want to get over Mr. Armitage. That’s a dirty lie!”

Servetus announced plans to restore her original graphics and beyond that, “resume business as usual. I can’t tell you how relieved I am.”

Fans of Servetus’ earlier blog, “me + richard armitage,” had suppressed mild yawns at the announcement that the blogger was undertaking an aversion therapy focused on Michael Fassbender in order to deal with an acute and advanced case of celebrity worship syndrome.

Local police enforcement confirmed the details of the blogger’s captivity, but refused comment on whether the therapist had been a paid employee of Michael Fassbender’s publicist.

Richard Armitage was reported to be closeted in a demanding session with his punctuation tutor and did not respond to requests for comment.

~ by Servetus on April 1, 2012.

40 Responses to ““A dirty lie,” insists dedicated Richard Armitage blogger”

  1. LOL!! Wicked, wicked people to do that to you! Would you like me to send Guy over to soothe your anxiety? Or maybe Sgt. Porter to kick some ass? πŸ˜€

    I have to say I have watched X Men: First Class and while I do find Fassbender attractive and talented, nope, he still doesn’t compare for me to RA. Nobody could, I think.
    I hope Richard’s tutorials help him. πŸ˜‰

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    • I really do find Fassbender revolting. I wasn’t joking about that part of it πŸ™‚

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    • Fassbender’s command of languages is definitely one of his strengths. He’s got a good ear for the accents, that one. πŸ™‚

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      • helps when you grow up bilingual. πŸ™‚ I’m sure he’s a great actor, I just can’t stand him. It’s an irrational reaction; he reminds me physiognomically of someone I absolutely despise.

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  2. LOL…. I know that your therapist was crazy… πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

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  3. *huge sigh of relief* Michael Who?!!!!

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  4. Servetus, I am so glad you are back and were able to free yourself of this evil minded therapist ;o) What crazy therapist could even think that such a farfetched method could possibly have any kind of success? Totally not possible for an RA-girl ;o)

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  5. Cracking up here and I haven’t had breakfast yet, great start to my day! πŸ˜€
    Such a relief to see those beautiful eyes in your banner again! Sorry Fassy, you just don’t do it for me.

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    • yeah, the blog itself is threatening to sue me for pain and suffering for having to have him in the header for 22 hours. Good thing I got myself out.

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  6. Ok OK, blogger delusional. Therapist a fraud. Now, can we leave Fass-something behind and move on with the Real Guy? Real Lucas. Live Porter?

    Thanks πŸ˜€

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  7. RA fandom breathe relieved!!! LOL

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  8. Interestingly, Fassbender himself (when interviewed for MTV After Hours with Josh Horowitz) was confronted with a series of penis stills and made to identify the actor that went with each penis (he correctly identified all but one, I believe). πŸ˜‰

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    • that is an interesting fact. I wonder what it means.

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      • I think it was a kind of “you’ve joined the club of male frontal nudity actors” so let’s trot out all the stills from the earlier films and force you to stare at penises. πŸ˜‰

        I just thought it was funny given what you wrote above, since I’m sure Fassbender was pretty uncomfortable during the interview, too. I’d attach the link here, but it doesn’t work from outside the US (and I’m still in London this week).

        Glad to have you back! πŸ™‚

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    • There seems to be more talk and kerfuffle about Fassbender’s penis than the movie it appeared in !

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      • it has won a lot of awards, I believe.

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        • The movie or the penis? (sorry, couldn’t resist!)

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          • πŸ™‚ are there penis awards?

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          • The movie, subject matter, acting, & directing for ‘Shame’ have all received critical acclaim this year. However, that said, Steve McQueen movies are NOT for everyone. These are difficult and unattractive themes of the human condition that McQueen chooses to spotlight (both ‘Hunger’ and ‘Shame’).

            Unfortunately, in the case of ‘Shame’, as a side-effect of the male frontal nudity required by McQueen, the world was given explicit evidence of what a FINE PACKAGE Mr. Fassbender possessed.

            I’m positive Fassbender is mortified by the attention given to his penis (he looks mortified in the Top Gear interview) but it’s really to his credit that he simply grins and bears through it during each interview or awards ceremony when it is consistently referred to again and again. He’s just a trooper through it all.

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  9. Phew…dang that therapist!

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    • eternal vigilance is the price of liberty, I guess.

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      • His penis or the movie? In terms of winning awards. πŸ˜‰

        Actually, I have read good reviews of the film and for his performance.

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        • there is a group of ladies more qualified to comment on the penis than I — you find them every evening after 8 p.m. US central time in the chatroom at Confessions of a Watcher πŸ™‚

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        • I watched the movie. It was hard to watch but I thought it was superb. It was very graphic but then how do you make a movie about sex addiction without being graphic. I recommend it but one may be disturbed for days afterwards. LOL

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  10. Way to hold firm to your beliefs! I wondered what was going on without those Armitage eyes in the header!?
    Also…I wouldn’t blame that punctuation tutor for being very punctilious with her student. πŸ˜‰

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  11. Whew, thank goodness you escaped that evil therapists clutches. Who would want to get over Armitagemania, especially by focusing on Fassy? πŸ™‚

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  12. Hi Serv,
    Glad that you’re back on the RoAd to redemption after seguing briefly in perdition (with MF). I’m sure that MF is a very fine actor. But enough said about him.

    I can only assume that your MF loving therapist–ooh, that sounds so bad and I don’t mean it to be (I’m not a girl who swears, darn it)–is merely jealous of your focus, cReAtivity, and inspiRAtion. Hold fast and don’t let her/him take RA away from you–or us.

    Cheers! Grati ;->

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  13. Reuters: April 2.
    Mr. Fassmember has taken refuge in a Trappist monastery.
    To escape the late-night ladies….

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  14. But.. but… but … Michael Fassbender’s birthday is today!

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    • Judiang, I [heart] you! πŸ™‚

      Apparently it was also the birthday of some other British actor named Aiden Turner (not to be confused with Aidan Turner!)

      Like

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