“A dirty lie,” insists dedicated Richard Armitage blogger

Author of “me + richard armitage” taken prisoner by greedy therapist

Dateline: Reuters (U.S.)

In a shocking turn of events, the blogger who writes “me + michael fassbender” appeared suddenly at her local S******** this morning, demanding caffeine and claiming she had been the victim of a kidnapping and a cruel hoax.

“I have been completely at the mercy of my therapist,” the blogger, who calls herself Servetus, insisted. “She’d been increasingly insistent the last few months that I needed to ‘get over’ Richard Armitage. When I resisted her advice, she said I was in denial about the severity of my mental illness.”

“She kept me in her office at gunpoint and made me watch scenes from Hunger and Jane Eyre on endless loops,” Servetus reported. “As if watching an ugly, emaciated man with a muscle pathology in his forehead was going to turn me off the unbelievably talented actual subject of my blog. Then, when it didn’t work, she kept making me look at still photos of his penis. Eeeeew! I’ve felt nauseous for days! Finally, she told me that I was never going to write about Richard Armitage again, and stole my laptop and passwords.”

Asked whether it was true that her case of celebrity worship syndrome had become unmanageable, the blogger responded angrily, “I only went to the therapist for advice on how to stop biting my fingernails. I never, ever want to get over Mr. Armitage. That’s a dirty lie!”

Servetus announced plans to restore her original graphics and beyond that, “resume business as usual. I can’t tell you how relieved I am.”

Fans of Servetus’ earlier blog, “me + richard armitage,” had suppressed mild yawns at the announcement that the blogger was undertaking an aversion therapy focused on Michael Fassbender in order to deal with an acute and advanced case of celebrity worship syndrome.

Local police enforcement confirmed the details of the blogger’s captivity, but refused comment on whether the therapist had been a paid employee of Michael Fassbender’s publicist.

Richard Armitage was reported to be closeted in a demanding session with his punctuation tutor and did not respond to requests for comment.

~ by Servetus on April 1, 2012.