*ooof*: Ladykiller

Does Richard Armitage know what he is doing to us? I mean, really, there I was last weekend – an *ooof* for my regular Tuesday slot half written, happily ensconced in some seriously theoretical research for it (it’s time for some brain-numbing semiotics again, ladies), confident that I would have a challenging and discussion-provoking blog post out for the upcoming edition of *ooof*. Actually I went to bed on Saturday night with the bodies of *two* *ooof*s half written and under my belt. – And then all hell broke loose again. The surfacing of a number of press shots from the BAFTA LA Tea Party event kind of cancelled all my wanking waxing theoretical with one fell swoop. I had to send in the First Response Unit with an emergency *ooof* in order to prevent collective fandom demise. Which in turn rendered my former plans for the regular Tuesday *ooof* null and void: Nothing as old as the Ben Rayner shots that I had been slowly working my way through before “Napecurlgate” hit on Sunday morning, GMT+1.

So, scrapped were good old Barthes and Rayner. But what to write about? If truth be told, I just could not come up with a proper topic for this week’s regular *ooof* after the devastating effect of the BAFTA shots. I demurred and dithered. I wanted to discuss another BAFTA Tea Party shot, but I just could not find the photography handle on it apart from the given drooling and general gushing. I scrutinized the BAFTA Tea Party shots over and over and over again, searching for inspiration yeah right. Really intensely. And discovered that some shots are bigger than others… (cue appropriate soundtrack, courtesy of The Smiths, 1985).

Armitage in full-length splendour at BAFTA TV Tea Event, 2013
Image Sourced via RAnet

How lucky we are that occasionally a shot slips through at hi-res. I could not resist clicking on it. And was not disappointed. It’s a veritable feast for the eyes, doing so. As a regular fashion-illiterate appreciater of Racandy, my initial reaction was to the face and hair of Mr A. For me it is less about the “look” and more about the “feel” of a the subject. I wish the experience actually were more tangible than it is – after all there is no touching and feeling of the cute curls, the precious peaches or the thunderous thighs. Whether I am shooting myself or just appreciating other photographers’ work – the fashion statement is last on my list. And thus it did not occur to me that Mr A had decided on the controversial choice of knee-padded denims and brown shoes to a largely blue/grey outfit. If at all registering the clothes he was wearing, I was more focussed on the textures and how they translate into a two-dimensional representation.

Photographers, in general, couldn’t care less about the fashion statement contained in an image. Unless fashion is the focus of a shot, of course. What we care about is whether the clothes make it easier – or harder – for us to take a good picture. Mr Armitage, who, as we have been reliably informed, “dressed himself” for the appearance (thanks, Ilaria Urbinati, I am still giggling about the way you phrased this, and I am thinking, that maybe I was not that far off with my recent ficlet… ), presents us with a mixed bag of items here. Simplicity always works best in photography. Bold patterns and colours draw away the attention from the most important part of a portrait – the face – and luckily neither are visible in this shot. Generally, muted, dark colours are good on camera. They set off the skin and face of the wearer nicely, allowing the skintone of the subject to contrast with the clothes. (Turn this statement around when applying the theory to a person of dark skin colour.) Light and bright clothing tends to draw the gaze of the viewer – which takes away from the impact of the face and head – and should therefore be avoided. Worst offenders are flesh-coloured items of clothing – absolute no-no! And thirdly, dark tones tend to have a slimming effect *coughs*. Not that RA needs any slimming – he’s pretty perfect, no, pretty *and* perfect, as he is. But most other mere mortals can appear slimmer when wearing dark tones as the material will throw back less light and thus not reflect possible ridges, creases and bulges. In our subject’s case, the denims and the grey jacket are nicely toned down in colour – not bold and neither black and therefore not swallowing the light.

Psychedelia, here I come.

However, Mr A wears a stripey shirt, and those can often cause unsightly effects as the lines appear to “flutter” on camera. Just check this little screenshot of the image: Psychedelia, here I come… If I didn’t already have hallucinations, now I do. Although I prefer mine to this nauseating effect. Similarly, shiny materials and metal accessories can produce unwanted reflections, throwing light back into the camera and creating white highlights that are a pain to remove in post-production – tie clips are culprits (so glad that my abhorrence of the Armitage tie-clip from the “World’s End” premiere gets validated by a good reason here, too). When “dressing himself” for his attendance of the event, Mr A obviously did not take into account that he might be photographed full-length – which includes his feet/shoes in the shot. Here, as much as we may like the imperfection of the entire ensemble, RA falls down, figuratively speaking, as he does not match his shoes with the colour of the rest of his outfit. Visually, they stand out, due to their different colour.

Out of RA’s control, but just as a last point for you, my dear readers, to bear in mind, should you book yourself in for a portrait session with the photographer of your choice, is the background of a shot. If you are being shot in front of a black background, you should avoid wearing black – it’ll be swallowed up and your head and exposed skin will float disconnectedly in space. A darkish, yet not black colour will suffice. Likewise, when being photographed in front of a white backdrop, as is currently quite the craze for family photos, you should avoid wearing white garments. Again, a muted, only mildly patterned garment is ideal, defining your body while not taking away the attention from the face. – In the case of the BAFTA Tea Party event, the background was dark grey, with unsightly advertising logos, against which the grey jacket and denims did not stand out *quite* as much as desirable. However, since *you* find the subject so desirable, I bet you didn’t notice or mind… *ggg*. So, all considered, I think we can give Mr A a rating of 8 out 10 stars for his appearance at the BAFTA Tea Party, with a couple of bonus stars, simply for putting on the smoulder and letting his hair curl so adorably in his nape.

As for a ficlet… Look what I found in the press:

Hehe, here is the full text:

Mystery bug strikes at industry event.

Los Angeles/Guylty. A mysterious epidemic is sweeping LA, leaving the victims vision impared and incapable of speech. The first signs of the epidemic were discovered on Saturday, September 21^st, at an industry event in the run-up to the Emmy Awards ceremony.

In a bizarre pattern, the killer bug was spread in the hospitality area of the hotel first where actors and celebrities were met by the waiting press for the customary photo call. A number of female journalists and photographers spontaneously fainted and had to be attended to by paramedics. The victims were unable to articulate themselves even after they had been stabilised and taken to the surrounding hospitals. After clearing the area of attendees, the bug spread to the terrace outside where celebrities and guests had assembled for a reception. LA hospitals are still trying to cope with the appearance of an as yet unseen epidemic of worrying proportions. Isolated cases were later reported in an upmarket, downtown-LA hotel and at an ice-cream parlour on Sunset Boulevard.

The line of investigation is focusing on a number of leads, trying to find common denominators among the currently known facts: Almost all of the victims are women, however, they are coming from all age groups and ethnic backgrounds. It is yet unclear why particularly females have been struck down by the mysterious killer bug whereas no male attendees were affected. However, a growing body of evidence seems to point to an as yet unproven hypothesis that puts actor Richard Armitage at the centre of the investigation. According to a police spokesman, the actor left a trail of fainting females in his wake when he appeared at the BAFTA Tea Party event in Beverly Hills. Armitage has refuted any wilfull action on his part, citing his own participation in rescue efforts when a number of victims collapsed directly in front of his eyes. Armitage’s publicist was not available for comment.

Reports have also reached this publication that milder symptoms of a similar epidemic have been noted all over the world, soon after the press reports of the BAFTA event were published on Saturday evening. While none of the international victims required immediate medical assistance, unconfirmed reports state that temporary speech empediments and bouts of fainting affected a number of women engaged in remote-covering the event.

Previously, similar symptoms had been seen at the London premiere of the Hobbit and the Wellington event for the film “The World’s End”. Medical experts and police investigators are still trying to find the common denominator for the occurrance of the epidemic bug that has been informally christened the “Ladykiller”.

All text © Guylty at me + richard armitage, 2013. Please credit when using excerpts and links. Images and video copyrights accrue to their owners.

~ by Guylty on September 25, 2013.