Do we need a “misgivings” blog?

I’m asking this question in regard to the comment below, received from MCQ yesterday. (For those who don’t remember, MCQ asked this question a few weeks ago.) I’ve excerpted it slightly but the full comment is here.

I replied to her there, but I’m not going to be the best responder to this query, simply because, while it took me about a year to deal with with my shame about what I was experiencing (the first year of this blog), at some point that question stopped being one of the driving ones behind the blog.

However, the problem may be shared by wider groups in the fandom. I wondered if there should be a venue for discussing it. And there certainly should be a chance for commentators who have insights into this issue right now to leave a comment.

MCQ writes [edited for typos]:

[…] All this recent RA action has been intense and, now that it is slowly dying down, I find myself returning to the ponderings I voiced a while back when I asked Servetus for some advice about fandom. I think at that time I discovered I was not alone in my misgivings and I wonder if others share my current mood.

I am considering taking a hiatus (maybe permanently) from the ‘Richarding’. When I first came across RA I experienced what I think many have, some sort of creative regeneration. Indeed, it led to me considering a change of career. That has stayed with me. I also experienced something another person wrote about: a renewed vitality, wanting to look nice, feel attractive again. Reading that person’s post was like that famous line in The History Boys: ‘The best moments in reading are when you come across something – a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things – which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours.’.

Anyway, my reflections have now crystallised a little further and the fact that my experiences of and emotional stake in RA [are] entirely based on my own personal constructs. I have always known this […] but somehow it seems more pertinent now. 3 memories have recently brought this home to me and forced me to think about what I really want from this activity , which has changed a little […]. Do I want to meet him ? Yes. Do I want to be acquainted with him? Yes. Do I want to work with him? Yes. Would I like to be further involved? Yes (can’t bring self to write more precisely on that). I am reminded of 3 experiences and [these] have made me look at things from a different angle.  […]

All these things have reminded me that what I think he is, my experience of him, my ideas about him are merely perceptions. The last point is a further reminder that a different reality exists outside of my experience of him, the ‘real’ reality and that he is just a person, a normal working person, getting on with his life, not the mythical, intangible deity my self wants me to experience him as and I wonder if I can’t have the ‘real’ reality, then it may be better for me to have no reality at all.

Lastly, over the past few weeks I have been aghast at the clips of him being photographed […] Watching the fans screaming at him is also pretty overwhelming. What must that be like? […]

~ by Servetus on December 14, 2013.

10 Responses to “Do we need a “misgivings” blog?”

  1. Well what can one say here. I’m with the “yes” part but I have no illusions about who Richard is and I already know that he is a hard working guy not some deity. Celebrities are not like us of course so I know that my “yes” is just a wish only and my reality is just fine. I am not a screamer and never have been and I do feel for what it must be like for him to be assaulted by that on the Red Carpet. I would like to meet him and talk with him. I’m too old for the rest of that so I’d be happy just to do that but I can’t say anything more because I don’t know what he is really like until I do meet him and talk to him longer than 5 min. None of us do. As noted what we do know are perceptions and what we have read from his interviews. So I still enjoy the blogs here and in some other places but even if I were on the Red Carpet to meet him I wouldn’t be jumping up and down yelling at him, just not me. He is a normal working person to a degree and he seems to like meeting fans but he still deserves the respect that any person does. If I were 20 yrs younger I’d be looking for that third “yes” but still with no illusions about it. This is my fantasy and each fan has their own and this is my stress reliever. If you’ve found what you need and that’s all you want then perhaps you may let go but I wasn’t looking for a end here, just enjoyment and meeting like minded people. We aren’t just talking about Richard here. I know I’ve learned a lot more than that in the time I’ve been posting.


  2. I always find it is an exersize in personal psychology. What needs of mine are not being met in real life that I am fufilling in this way? What fears and stresses am I subduing by looking at pics and interviews of is person and inserting myself into their world mentally. We are projecting dreams and desires, fears and neurosis onto the celebrities we watch and subconsciously examining our own lives by doing so. Perhaps instead of shying away from the subject, taking a closer look at ones own reaction might be more productive. For example, ask “am I envious of his success in his career because I haven’t found it in mine and I am living vicariously through him?” “Do I identify with his introvertedness and his desire to be more socially extroverted?” (a blossoming we have all recently witnessed.) “Do I wish I had persued other opportunities in my life, like a more artistic career?” It sounds like you have already done some of this, like that last one. Ask yourself what really makes you uncomfortable about fan-girling over him, not about feeling ashamed, but what it is that pleases you when you fan girl. perhaps that will help you. And there is no need for anyone you don’t want to know about your fan girling, you have a right to privacy and your own personal “thing” without having to share or explain it to anyone in your life. Not everyone has to know everything about you. Hope this helps you in some fashion. (Sorry for any strange spellings or words in this post, iPad keeps auto-correcting me-incorrectly sometimes.)


  3. LOL! Yes we always question this. Why am I so intensively involved with this person? Yes, others have expressed their opinions on this. Is it my perception or real? If I receive a jolt of energy from him, what does that mean? Some of us have had REAL as in perceptual reality, experiences of connecting with RA and experiencing changes in our lives. I agree that in my life, not so much, that doesn’t mean that I don’t follow him for the RUSH of energy that comes to me from seeing him! Yay, Richard!!


  4. It is a really good question, not to mention a tough one as fandom experience is a very different thing per individual. You have those who go through some great expense to get a chance to have an encounter with their favourite celeb. And then you have those who only want to watch and support from afar, and does not feel the need to do whatever to see them in the flesh. Neither is a bad-good fan. Unless of course they show stalker tendencies, which is a whole different issue.

    How you view it definitely says something about you. Do you feel something’s missing in your life? Is a necessary change afoot, but you felt like you were being stalled until this particular fandom came along? Is this sudden jolt of energy a wake-up call to something else? Hopes, dreams, fears, and ideas that lay dormant in the shadows for too long?

    Personally speaking I don’t have any allusions about Richard, I only have a very rough idea who he is, but I certainly don’t know him. And that is usually my starting point, I don’t know him. Of course I have fantasies, but those are mere pipedreams, enjoyable and a great escape, but little fantasies based on nothing but vain hope.

    Also what’s wrong with having misgivings? It’s not a judgement call per se, but another tell-tale sign of who you are. Intrusion in someone’s privacy bothers me too, as I really treasure my privacy, so feeling alarmed when you witness it happening to RA isn’t that strange. It would make me feel rather uncomfortable as well, but unfortunately I have to accept plenty of other people do not share my sentiments. Though for the life of me, I can not imagine what it must be like to work anonymously for years, and all of a sudden fame appears.


  5. MCQ, I think this might also have been intended as an answer to your question:


  6. Servetus, I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now and really enjoy your thoughts that you share so freely, although i don’t usually comment, but feel a need to comment on this topic.

    Maybe I’m reading McQ’s issue all wrong, but it reminds me of the attitude of an aunt of mine who would try to impose such guilt on the family when someone enjoyed doing something that she (the aunt) didn’t. She continually preached about what a waste of time it was and how we needed to spend our time doing productive things, etc. etc., although the non-productive activities that she enjoyed were acceptable, of course.

    I just decided long ago, maybe because of what I felt was my aunt’s hypocrisy, that everyone needs fun time and activities that they enjoy doing, just because. Whatever those activities may be. I’ve been an RA fan for about a year, ever since i saw AUJ and fell in love with Prince Thorin. I’ve never, never participated in fan type stuff and before, not even as a teenager, and am just finding it fun. I am way older than most fans, I think, but I’m having so much fun I don’t worry about that either.

    I never let my aunt’s attitude affect what i chose to do. So, to any who have voices in your head telling you that you are wasting your time and making you feel guilty for these activities that you bring you joy, feel free to blame it my aunt, (and maybe it is her, she was always anxious to expand her sphere of influence), and just ignore her. She’s used to that.


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