What would you fight about with Richard Armitage? [*Hypothetically*, of course]

Jumping off of Fatima’s comment about fantasies — she is fantasizing about things she and Armitage would fight about.

Here’s my list. All guesses of course which are predicated on things I intuit about Armitage, and things I know about myself:

1. Planning of events, travel, nights out. My guess is that in his private life, Armitage is way more spontaneous than I am and much less willing to plan. My read is that he’s much more aware of / sensitive to his personal mood at any given time than I am.

2. Disjunction of mutual emotional availability. I get very caught up in my own work and thoughts and don’t want to stop for anyone unless I have it scheduled (see above). I intuit he is the same. Likelihood of needing emotional support and not getting it, in either direction, potentially high.

3. Where to live. This is a huge one with me. I suspect very strongly we wouldn’t want to live in the same city. Or maybe even the same apartment.

4. Recreation. I suspect that our favorite recreational choices might differ strongly. I don’t want to go out dancing (except in fantasies) or skiing.

5. Money. I suspect he is more frugal than I am.

What about you? All answers allowed, funny, serious —

~ by Servetus on January 30, 2014.

200 Responses to “What would you fight about with Richard Armitage? [*Hypothetically*, of course]”

  1. Politics. He comes across as slightly conservative and I am everything but. All other issues are small fry.

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    • yeah, I think he’s a centrist at best. More conservative than I am at any rate. That’s a really hard one — if politics are really important to me, can I live with different ones in my bed?

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      • *coughs* that’s an entirely different matter… Politics does not enter the bedroom *ggg*. (I have experience in *that* matter)

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        • some people manage relationships with people of very different politics — there are notorious examples … AwkCelebEncounters is one, I think, as well.

          if politics were to stay out of my bedrooms I’d have to get rid of the clock radio …

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    • Do you really think he’s conservative, guylty? I haven’t gotten that at all, mostly from this interview… http://www.newyorkmoves.com/?p=5200
      I’m a flaming, FLAMING liberal, and I was pleased by his answers.

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      • Anyone who praises the current coalition government in the UK is not especially liberal. The spectrum of European politics extends a lot further left than it does in the US.

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        • I think it’s just that he’s been away from the UK too much in the past few years and therefore doesn’t “get” the problem most of the UK have with the coalition. He might be a long-standing LibDem voter, and just be pleased they’ve finally made it into government. Who knows? πŸ™‚

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          • He doesn’t give the impression, either, of being someone who cares tremendously about the “how” of politics as much as about the “what” (based on what he’s said, which is not much). It’s one thing to say “I don’t want people to be homeless” and another to come up with a concrete policy for that. We like sausage but don’t like to see how it’s made.

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      • No, he seems rather liberal. Just what I would expect of an artist, really. But that is still more conservative than I am *ggg*. (But then again, almost *everyone* is…)

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  2. hahahah actually the living together thing (or living apart as the case may be) might be something you would agree on since I think he mentioned he likes living alone (and sounds like you do as well).

    No reason to fight about skiing – I started skiing age 6 (grew up in CO) and I think I could inconvenience myself just enough to take over that duty for you πŸ˜‰

    voila – I have just solved problems 3 and 4 for you hahah

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    • I think he’d want to live in NYC or London, though, or NZ. I definitely don’t want to live in NZ or NYC. London, maybe, depending on the circumstances.

      Yes, you can take over the skiing πŸ™‚ !!!

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      • hahahh gladly and since I already live in NYC and love London, I am happy to take over that category as well. Now if he wanted to live in LA that might be a different story… hahahah…

        Seriously though, you know this made me think about what is worth fighting over in a relationship and I kind of look at it differently because I am very non-confrontational and don’t like any kind of discord and I think that personality trait (and how I communicate with people) is more definitive for me than specific issues. What I mean is that I have strong beliefs but even if I disagree with the person I am dating on important things, I would prefer not to fight at all. ‘Dutiful English Boyfriend’ and I never had a fight and while we were of similar mind on most things, he was slightly more conservative than me. But he, like me, didn’t like fighting and so we didn’t fight. ‘Ex Marine Law Student’ loved fighting, I think it made him feel more alive or something. He would argue with me about the stupidest stuff that didn’t matter, you can’t believe how ridiculous the stuff was he would try to get me to argue about. Meanwhile, while being overall pretty liberal he was also extremely pro gun rights and seemed to really enjoy needling me (and others) into arguments over that issue that does actually matter. I think my point is that even though he was a lifetime member of the NRA and I think that is insane, I wouldn’t have started a fight about it and it might never have become an issue if he hadn’t already pushed my buttons so much on nine million other things. I have dated a couple of guys who seem to think that fighting (they might call it debating) is a good way to communicate and I just find it exhausting and boring (and then I get accused of not being intellectually engaged enough because I don’t want to fight about everything). oy, this may be why I am single.

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        • I am not especially confrontational (although more so now than I was ten years ago), but I do find that there are chronic areas of conflict in all of the relationships I’ve been in.

          I also think “fighting” is a cultural issue. My birth family of avoidance-happy-German-Americans vs the Physicist’s family of very vocal Jews … big tension there. If you never argue you tend to see an argument as more potentially problematic than if you argue a little git all the time … which probably influences the character of this intra-relationship fights.

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  3. I’m have to be honest- I spend a ridiculous amount of time with my head in Armitage clouds and yet this question has stumped me. I think deep inside I can’t even hypothetically fathom being with Richard. I think the truth is I wouldn’t wish a GF like me on a guy like that. Oh dear, that sounds like issues I should perhaps discuss with a professional πŸ˜‰

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    • πŸ™‚

      If you say so, but I think you’d be a great girlfriend for him. A sense of humor, likes food, a little naughty, weren’t those the three things? Don’t you qualify?

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      • Maybe not me, maybe AgzyM would be good for him (if he would be willing to overlook a certain tad obsessiveblog…).
        Seriously though, I don’t think we’d argue about politics or religion, I like a man with ambition and I’d be OK with him gone for long stretches of time (I always felt a tad suffocated when I had a live-in BF), I’m messy too, I don’t care about my man’s financial situation and spending habits as long as he doesn’t interfere with mine…. nope, I can now conclude that Richard is my perfect other half and I DEMAND we live happily ever after πŸ˜‰

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  4. I really don’t know! I get the feeling he likes to be left alone as much as I do, so that would be a bonus. I can be rather messy and forgetful, so if either of those things irritates him, then there’s one. Also, he said before that he doesn’t like it when people are selfish, and as an only child, I can be quite selfish without knowing I’m doing it. That might get on his nerves.

    But I’m a great cook, can converse on many subjects, and can be kind of cute when I want to be, so perhaps he could stand me!

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  5. That’s a tough one. In my more realistic daydreams, I’ve thought family might be an issue. I have very-little-to-no relationship with significant parts of my family, and in my experience people who are close to their families have a hard time understanding/accepting that not everyone does or wants to.

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    • I totally agree — it’s like people who are happily married think that’s the solution to everyone’s problem πŸ™‚ — a hard bridge to cross.

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      • Oh! Just realized that he might get annoyed by my video game habits. Maybe we could work out a compromise – I can raid when he’s at the gym.

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        • This is something I wondered — seemed like Hunter, Turner, O’Gorman played video games on TH, but not Armitage. Did he just miss that? (he’s at an age where he was right on the cusp). Did he not play? Would he be angry if his significant other were a better player than he is? Is he a good loser?

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          • Would he be Alliance or Horde? DEALBREAKER

            Isn’t Stephen Hunter older than Richard? Hm. But then, I don’t think any of that group were mentioned as the ones he hung out with the most, not like Graham or Jed (trio of physical, not sit-downy guys?). He played them in character as Alec Track, but does that mean he played/learned to play for real?

            The good loser issue is a major one – as is not getting angry if your teammates make a mistake. I’ve been known to take a date to the arcade just to test that πŸ˜›

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            • Yeah, obviously older people can also play games; I was just trying to periodize his potential exposure to it as a way of thinking about whether he was likely to have gotten in the habit as a teen. if you’re in that rough age group (40-45) right now, it depends a lot on where you were when. We got the first Atari game system, but mostly because my parents were fascinated by the idea of it (I think my mom played it more than we did). He’s a little bit younger than I am, but he was in the UK, so distribution might have been slightly different, plus his parents might not have been tech curious — my point mostly being that when he was a kid these things were still not omnipresent the way they were for people even five years younger than he was.

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  6. I don’t expect that I would fight with him at all. I’m just not much of a fighter. I’m a “reasoner”. LOL! Probly why I’m not married. LOL LOL LOL p.s. wouldn’t be into the skiing thing either, but could admire him doing it! πŸ˜€

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    • but he might fight with you πŸ™‚ that temper he refers to from time to time πŸ™‚

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      • Yes, I thought about that! I was going to say he seems non-confrontational, but there is that comment! But then the question would be what would HE fight with ME about? LOL LOL

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        • the question kind of goes both ways, no? I mean, my answers are all really answers about me.

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          • True. I didn’t think of it that way. Even if something he would do wouldn’t make me fight with him, it might really annoy him. So skiing, yeah. And mountain climbing. Not happening! I hope he wouldn’t fight with me about it though. I wouldn’t try to stop him. So what does he care so much about that the fact I don’t agree with him would cause a fight? It would probably be something nerdy, like would Thorin really ride a wave of gold. LOL

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            • you might want to watch that — would you fight with him over Peter Jackson? πŸ™‚

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              • LOL! I was a fan of PJ before I even knew who RA was! I might fight with him about PJ. I have strong views on him, as does RA. Not sure if we disagree! Hmmm, I guess I’ll just have to have the discussion with him to find out! πŸ˜€

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  7. well, I think I would be extremely annoyed by his relationship with ex girlfriend Annabel Capper.. they still work together..ehm! No problem with skiing or living in NY πŸ˜‰

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  8. Probably leaving his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor

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  9. I forgot to put “obsessive listening to creepy music about Hiroshima victims” on the list … πŸ™‚

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  10. Alright, Richard didn’t know what a meme was, and I had to look up head canon. Since I got this ball rolling…I am a little impulsive. I loosen up with money a bit, although I watch my carefully as well. (Money is a number 1 sore point with couples…fantasy or otherwise.)

    The fan adulation would stress me a bit, despite my best efforts to take it in stride. I take one look at Amanda Abbington, and I think ‘anyone who dates Richard will go through what she goes through with Martin Freeman.’ On the other hand, I would write little notes to his characters to get him not to immerse himself so much. To John Porter I would write:

    Dear John,
    Please give Richard a break every once in a while. You’re family life went to shit, but we’re trying not to do that.

    Thank you for your consideration.

    Fatima

    Yup, welcome to my brain.

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    • yeah, I agree, everyone fights about money sometimes. Even if you don’t have a joint bank account, which i will *never* do again.

      I like the idea of writing to his characters. Funny, but gets the point across.

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  11. Alone time not a problem, living location not a problem really though I’m not big on NYC full time. Religion no problem completely open so far as it isn’t fanatic. Skiing, he can do that all he wants but not me though I am open to bobsledding. Might have a problem with drinking. I am not a drinker and don’t handle drunk well. Not saying he gets drunk all the time of course but we do know that he does like to drink. No way to know how much but this is just theory here. I’m not really a neat freak so no problem there either. I can do spontaneous but can he do on time? Most things I believe can be adjustable. Politics well from what little he has said we have a lot more in common than not so I don’t see issues there and even if he were opposite I have no problem there so long as it isn’t extreme. Music well I think he has varied taste, some of it might be strange but is it obsessive? He is a bit of a risk taker and that might be hard to deal with. I suspect the biggest thing for him might be just getting the alone time and I like mine as well so many problems would be avoided there. The fans don’t bother me nor does any ex girlfriends as I suspect when and if Richard ever commits to anything permanently he won’t allow that. Frugality? I could use someone like that really. I’m not a big spender but it would be nice to have someone who knows how to save.

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  12. Well, we’re both messy… it would be a relief not to be worried about making the bed….I like to cook, he likes to eat… separate space isn’t a problem. I’m one who when I’m practicing or playing piano, I don’t want anyone in the house. Normally, I have no problems with showering someone with affection or tending to emotional needs or being a sounding board, but when I am in The Zone when it comes to tearing apart Copland or Beethoven or Liszt, it might get… wicked.

    I wouldn’t mind living in London or NZ, but Gov. Cuomo has made it quite clear that my kind isn’t welcome in NY. I can go toe to toe with his supposed temper – it MIGHT get loud. I don’t lose my temper often, but when I do…. watch out. My politics are definitely further right than his (as those of you who follow me on tumblr can attest.) so we might have some interesting discussions on gun-ownership and healthcare.

    Neither one of us has to worry about interrupting the other while reading. And I have an impressive personal library – both physical and kindle/nook/pdf.

    Children… I can’t. And I’ve reached an age where I don’t WANT to even consider adoption. I’ve raised mine. The thought of doing that again makes me cry. And I don’t mean that in a bad way… so if he REALLY wants children and isn’t content to dote on the nieces and nephews and my potential grandchildren, we will have problems.

    I would drive an atheist nuts. But truth is, I don’t think he is an atheist. I was raised in the church and was a preacher’s kid. Looooong line of Salvation Army and Methodist preachers in my family. Also, we know preacher’s kids are the worst. I made a sailor blush. Yes, indeedy!

    Drinking, we MIGHT have problems with. I don’t (not religious reasons but a myriad of others) and don’t mind the occasional, but if getting shit-faced is a common occurrence… Former paramours we MIGHT have problems with. I don’t tend to be green-eyed jealous, but I have been cheated on and it sits back there.

    He has to be The Man in the bedroom. That’s…yeah. The Man. I don’t think (I hope) that would be a problem either. I won’t speculate on that much further. πŸ™‚

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    • fwiw — my position on this is that the vast majority of men who don’t have children at his age don’t want them (there are always exceptions to any generalization, and the situation is very different with women). Maybe I am wrong,however, and he is pining.

      I wonder if he’s the kind of guy who’s inclined to fight over politics. Or what the trigger for him is?

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      • I’ve dated – and lived with (never again) – left wingers. We simply did not discuss politics. Although, the liberal I lived with was pro-gun. But we’re talking Southerners here – and in his case – Cajun.

        Forgot – Smoking. Definitely a deal-breaker. I have asthma and I have a hard enough time breathing in the winter and on bad days in the summer as it is. Bad enough I cart an inhaler with me at all times. Sooooo unsexy…When I was married, my ex smoked and we should have bought stock in Listerine.

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        • those are reasons you wouldn’t date him, though, no? Not things you’d fight about, b/c you wouldn’t be in a relationship with in the first place if he did those things.

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          • I married a smoker. I wouldn’t NOT date someone for that, – I mean, he’d have to be something else for me to date him and Richard qualifies there, but we’d argue about it, because that’s something he could fix. If he does, that is.

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  13. Richard is my dream man, so I never considered we would fight about anything. My fantasies are unrealistic as hell. So, that being said: Deal breakers we would have to work out. For every ski trip we took, he would owe me a trip to Bora Bora or some other tropical paradise. He would have to get over being afraid of deep, dark water and swim in the ocean joyfully, well comfortably. If we had time and money to travel, then where we live is not too important to me. We would definitely fight if he thought he was always right, because the same goes for me. I am never wrong. That might be difficult. I am not much of a drinker but I would try to keep up. I would throw away all his cardigan sweaters, they make him look like Father Knows Best Robert Young. That might piss him off.

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  14. Skiing…definitely skiing…I passionately hate snow! And maybe smoking (if he does), because if we were together I’d worry about his health. I have smoked but I don’t now and I never would again. It wouldn’t be a deal-breaker though…I know which side my bread is buttered πŸ˜‰

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    • yeah, this wasn’t about deal breakers so much as just, what do you tend to fight about?

      For instance, with my longest-term SO, we frequently fought about which restaurant to eat at. I can’t imagine doing that with Perfect Armitage πŸ™‚

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    • I can’t imagine that he still smokes! He did when he was working on N&S – there’s that famous shot of him with a ciggie – but there’s no way he could play these physically demanding roles and still smoke is there? THAT would be a deal-breaker for me, too.

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      • We disagree on the evidence but a bunch of us thought we saw him smoking in outtakes from TH. Plus there were several quotes that referred to cigarettes in 2012. An occasional smoker could smoke and play these roles. None of us ever thought he was a chainsmoker.

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    • hahah I love how many of you hate skiing. I love skiing more than anything. LOVE it. My grandpa taught me when I was 6 and it was my favorite thing to do for many years (when I didn’t have to pay for the lift tickets and I lived within easy distance of some of the best skiing in the world). Alas, I have hardly had a chance to ski at all in the past 10 years. I am more than happy to take him skiing for all of you!

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  15. My bit on the side crush on Graham McTavish, of course. I’d sigh about how dreamy McTavish is and he’d roll his eyes and harrumph dejectedly in the corner. πŸ˜‰

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    • oh, G-d, mine, too. Well, there’s a solution to that, of course, at least in fantasy. Maybe Richard Armitage has a little McTavish fantasy, too πŸ™‚

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  16. I can’t imagine fighting with him about much of anything–if he’s never wrong, which I’ve heard him say on more than one occasion, we’d be fine–I’ve always been surrounded by people (except for my close friends) who tell me I’m always wrong about most things. So we should get along fine.

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    • Hmmm… what do you wish you could fight about with him? Tastes great, less filling?

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      • Not to sound terribly bland–I’ve spent enough of my life fighting relatives, bosses and boyfriends tooth and nail. Don’t have the energy for it anymore–also have fibromyalgia, which means if you’re smart, you pick your battles and limit them to things you feel very strongly about. I’m not a fighter–I much prefer peace.

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        • Here! Here!!! There are better things to do than argue.

          Read. Pizza. Movies. Music. Makin’ love.

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          • I agree. But I’ve fought at least a little with everyone I’ve ever loved.

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            • Haven’t we all? It’s not healthy or even normal to have someone you agree with 100% of the time. That’s boring and will quickly turn into a stale relationship.

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              • or lead to repressed anger if you feel you can’t fight.

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                • See, I’m a Sag – if you go for that sort of thing – and we pretty are much laid back and we’d rather not fight – I would rather not, but I’ll sit on it… and sit on it… and sit on it…. so when I lose it, that’s a fire ball you can see coming. And it’s usually over something petty and stupid. My ex live in knew me well enough to know I was sitting on it so he would pick a fight with me – that way, I’d blurt out what I pissed off about and he would ‘fix’ it… if he was inclined to fix it. If you’re in a committed relationship, you should know your partner at some deeper level and you should both be adult enough to pick your battles. What is worth arguing over? And what is trivial enough to let go?

                  As for my ex husband… when he and I had rousing discussions in which we took opposing points of view, he liked to have the last word with his fists. I didn’t stick around for long. Spawn was a small fry at the time and had his own issues.

                  But I don’t see him being that sort of abusive. Yell, yes, and I can yell back with the best of them. There seems to be so many – what some or even he would term – oddities – that just aren’t odd to me. The need for space, alone time, everything is really open for discussion and negotiation. Messy? Meh. Man cave? As long as I can have one too (we’d have to come up with a new name for it tho. I am no Man!) Smoking, yeah. Excessive drinking, yeah.

                  anything else? meh.

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                  • Glad it works for you that way πŸ™‚

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                  • Zeesmuse, my husband is a Sag and I’m a Libra…we’re both so laid-back that we rarely argue.

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                    • My BEST relationship was with a Libra. We got along so well. I actually DID things with him I normally don’t do – he was QUITE the outdoorsman – I white water rafted with him – canoed, climbed stuff, not serious climb, but trail hikes, camping – I still have my camping gear. He was great with my son. Why did we break up??? LOL!

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          • Thank you, my dear–it’s taken me a lot of years to get to this point but it makes life a lot more enjoyable. Fighting is just exhausting–besides, I just can’t imagine fighting with Richard. It’s beyond my comprehension.

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  17. Apparently he said he bottles up rage…I do too so that could get messy….We’d probably say things we’d both regret….I mean we’re both Leos so…yeah…haha! But otherwise I can’t think of anything major that I know of….

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    • aha, the failure to communicate effectively problem …

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      • yeah…he said his temper is something “you can’t apologize for” so uh oh….haha…but I’m the same so maybe we could have an understanding? (and have fun “making up”!)

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        • I always found the wording on that suggestive. Actually you can apologize for anything. So I always wondered: does that mean he gets so angry that his apologies cannot be accepted? Or that he doesn’t apologize, because he thinks he can’t? (both of which would say something about him) — it’s one of the more intriguing things he’s ever said about himself.

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          • uhmm..yes πŸ™‚ stubborn? unapologetic? ….unaffected? πŸ˜‰

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          • Actually this is a very good question. What happened if someone cannot accept his apology after losing his temper? That must be a major thing then and considering his statements I cannot picture him doing any physical harm to anyone. Many people cannot say “I’m sorry” – they just can’t. Rashisama talked about “bottling up” – he bottles up his rage/anger/feelings, he explodes and let it all out incl the chair out of the window – without thinking about the consequences. The moment he says it is the moment he realises what he is doing to that person. How maybe unfair/hurtful/frightening that must be – including his voice & sound intensity. Maybe his statement is to be seen as a no-go for his own high expectations? Because he feels ashamed of himself?

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            • With me, after having a blow up, I apologize to the other person but, I have a hard time forgiving myself

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            • I’ve dated “brooders” (or as I call them “sulkers”). When they finally let it out, it can be a little scary. That said, RA has said that he finds it useful in his work, so maybe he channels it there, instead of into his personal relationships?

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          • I thought that was interesting to because that happens to me. I rarely ever lose my temper but when I do it is really pretty scary. I imagine what he meant is that it is so extreme, so scary, that it is beyond the norm of stuff people do and apologize for. It’s relationship-ending.

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          • I’ve always wondered how much of the “chair through the window” comment was John Porter talking since JP did just that.

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            • I think that’s a great read on the metaphor (chair/window).

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            • That’s an intriguing point. The temper issue has come across a bit frightening to me, but he’s never made that comment (about it being so extreme) any other time, has he?

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              • A truly violent temper is something that for me would not just be dealbreaker in a relationship but as a fan. It didn’t and doesn’t square with other things he’s said about himself which is why I question it.

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                • I have mixed feelings. I agree with you re the timing of Porter and that remark, but he still think that he shows a lot of signs of being a person who keeps certain problems bottled up. Those people can be explosive. It’s my impression he’s fine (placid, as he would say) the vast majority of the time, though. I also think it’s something he’s worked on, as other remarks of his indicate.

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                • What I mean by violent temper is continual violence, the kind where if there’s conflict one person wins by force or the threat of force all the time. That’s not a pleasant dynamic. Armitage doesn’t raise that red flag with me.

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  18. That’s a hard one here. Fun to read tho.
    There are too many vague variables: He likes to live alone – in general or right now? Haven’t read that before. If in general, big issue – don’t need a partner who is living somewhere else (forever). BUT I like & need my freedom. I, too, like living alone (right now) – don’t have a problem with that. But with a partner on my side, that’s different… Living together doesn’t mean not to be able to breath anymore.

    Same goes with moods: I, too, can be moody at times (although I try not to) – and introverted. When I’m focused on my work I forget everything around me (think tunnel view) and it’s difficult for me to “awake” from it. So, if he is that kind of “moody” then he will just snap at me sometimes and I snap back. Don’t think that’s a problem. But I cannot stand it if he might yell at me (been there) or gets really angry.

    I’m not really messy but I don’t suffer from OCD either. I like to have a nice home. Guess, I would talk him into having a maid. Politics & religion: No issues as long as he is not fantatic or try to push me into something I don’t believe in. Living somewhere else: Why not but depends how MY life would be there (job situation, circle of friends etc). Being indepentent is important to me. Money: As long as I have mine he cannot tell me how to spend it. πŸ™‚ But yes, he would def be a good teacher. Would be handy right now… I’m spontaneous (if I want to be), go skiing since the age of 2 and dancing? Why not. Over all, all good. Music could be tricky tho but this all could be a give and take.

    Smoking: I don’t mind smoking, and as long as he doesn’t smoke in the house, I’m fine. Drinking: Don’t mind it as long as he is not drunk 24/7. We both choose red wine over beer, so …

    We would fight if I get the feeling he doesn’t take me serious or doesn’t believe in me or supports me as I support him. Or if he is always right or too subborn or if I can’t get what I want. πŸ™‚ THAT actually could be a problem. LoL

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    • well, the best part of fighting is the making up afterwards … but seriously, knowing how to disagree effectively / fight constructively is one of the most useful relationship skills. My parents did not have it, and I learned about it in couples therapy. The subsequent boyfriend benefited from it more, though.

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      • I agree. Knowing how to fight fair and do so constructively is critical. (This is coming from a woman who was once married to Godzilla.)

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        • I think this is because repeated unresolved anger slides so easily into contempt, and when one partner is regularly openly contemptuous of the other, it becomes near impossible to salvage the emotional level of the relationship.

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  19. I know what you mean. I strongly believe in communication on all levels – that’s the actual key to everything. But that was a hard way to learn it and I still try to ‘fight’ it. πŸ™‚

    BTW: There is an other thing that could be worth a fight. Of course, I don’t know but I sense there’s a confidence issue on his side which he could bring home and blame me for his feelings. Dunno where I get this from but high expectations – responsibilty – failure. Hm…

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    • Wow. Yes. I wrote an Armitage fantasy about this once because this was a big problem for me w/The Physicist. He’d have a bad day for whatever reason, and then come home, and then I was handy and it was kind of my fault even though I hadn’t done anything and he acknowledge it wasn’t my fault. I was trying to figure out how Armitage would deal with that and my guess was that he’d deal with it by separating himself until he’d figuring it out, but then he’d feel guilty about that. (And the question of what the partner does in that situation, which is, IMO, not taking responsibility and waiting it out and trying to be supportive when it’s over …)

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      • I haven’t read that! Actually I can imagine that scenario very well. He tries to find a channel for his feelings (bottling up?) and then the partner is in the wrong place at the wrong time. But at the same time he is a caring person, so he feels conflicted.

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        • yeah, it’s the whole problem he articulated in that article in 2010 he wrote about his usual day, about suppressing issues until they burst out of him and then he “can’t apologize.” I’ve been in that relationship and recognize that pattern. It’s not impossible to get out of it but you have to really want to.

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          • I empathise with him/you. It’s a certain trigger that lets you explode (or react) and it’s not easy to figure that out what it is. It’s just like flipping a switch.

            Like

  20. OK…so does a refusal to “fight” count as something to fight about? The SO and I bicker about the usual marital trivia, but the thing that really sends me around the bend is when there is an unresolved issue on the table and he decides he’s done…that refusal to engage is at the root of some EPIC arguments (and some not so bad make ups πŸ˜‰ )

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    • I think possibly, if it’s obvious there’s something wrong. “What’s bugging you?” “Nothing” but then the person acts like there’s still something wrong and takes it out on you.

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      • Do you have a camera in my house? πŸ™‚

        That is one part of it, but even more maddening for me is an attempt to exert control over the outcome by just shutting down in the middle of an argument. “Ha! I can’t lose if I won’t fight” I don’t know enough about RA’s ability to walk away in the middle to know if it would come up. I can’t do it…I’m in it to the end πŸ™‚

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        • I feel like that’s a power struggle issue — as long as I don’t tell you what’s wrong I’m in charge of this interaction … I suppose I could add to my list of things we’d fight about “power” …

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      • But isn’t that just a man thing? I know many who just shut down because of their inability to speak out their feelings.

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        • I think it is fairly typical of a lot of men, but I think they can also learn to use it to their advantage in order shift the power balance long enough to get out of the frying pan (or at least that’s what my SO has learned to do πŸ™‚ )

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          • Yeah, I think when you’re with someone a long time you develop these argumentative patterns and you know how to play it to your advantage (if that is what you want to do).

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        • it’s a woman thing, too. We just call it pouting.

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  21. I have no idea,Serv. What bothers me the most is the thought that I might start to hate him for the things I love in him.

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    • This is such a common problem in relationships. That thing that one thinks is so lovable turns into a serious problem down the road.

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  22. Depending on his personal favourite football club in the English PL, we might banter about it, if our favourite clubs have to play against each other. Unless he’s a gunner, like me. I would love to talk about sports with him!!!

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  23. My “Americaness” … I am extremely blunt. I tend to be extremely tactless too at times. I am also a loud talker, esp if I get excited about something. I also ask extremely inappropriate personal questions and tend to overshare. All this would mortify him to no end, I am sure. Or he might find is utterly charming, but I highly doubt it. I think that is why I am such an anglophile because I what I admire most about the Brits, they tend to always be so appropriate all the time.

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    • oh, yeah, that doing embarrassing things in public — German/American relationships have that problem too sometimes.

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  24. I like this discussion.
    Let me see…What would we fight about?
    Skiing…Nope, my favourite pass time
    Weekend relationship…Nope, I like my space too
    Concerts, theatre, clubbing, dancing…I’d love to
    A little naugthy…No, I definitely am;-)
    Food…Yes, please
    Temper…Well, I’ve got one too
    Children…Maybe because they’re mine and not his biologically
    But stubbornness I just can’t take. He’s said he’s always right. That might just make me combust.

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    • Interesting. Thanks for the comment, and welcome.

      Like

    • But in this year’s interviews, he’s talked about how looking at Thorin’s decisions has made him question many of his own… That’s either growth, or he was kidding about always being right , or a mid-life crisis in which we question EVERY decision we ever made, in hopes of learning from it with 20/20 hindsight.

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      • I don’t think that saying you are always right (something he said pretty consistently from 2004 all the way through 2012, and often in sarcastic tones) is inconsistent with growing and changing. Those are not mutually exclusive options. You can be stubborn and still recognize you’ve been wrong.

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        • In Richard’s line of business he would need a not unimportant amount of stubbornness. Didn’t PJ say about Richard that he has “quiet determination”? The stubbornness I was referring to above is more of the unproductive kind, i.e. not wanting to budge in spite of being clearly wrong.
          He said “I’m always right” it with an ironical twinkle in his eye, so he knows…
          This blog and discussion thread has been interesting and fun to follow. I hope you all have a great day!

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      • I’ve always taken his statements about always being right as a joke. So obviously (to me) a joke that I’ve wondered how anyone could have thought he was being serious.

        Isn’t it funny how easy it is for different people to interpret the same thing in a million ways?

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  25. I think the gentleman and I would fight about almost everything. Ski? Are you nuts??? One Canadian who does NOT embrace Winter. Or snow. Or cold. Where to live? Probably not NYC. London? Maybe. Maybe not. Food? No, I loath Thai stuff. Fishy paste… (Love Malay, though. ) Temper? we might or might not be guilty of a temper. Buttoned-up Anglo here. Don’t understand flares. “Lifestyle”? Big fight. There is a time to put down roots. Even in too-cold for comfort country….Frugality? If he is frugal, we share that! To a fault. Why replace something that still works, because it isn’t pretty, and doesn’t match the fridge?

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    • hmm, and when he wants to wear the same t-shirt for ten years? πŸ™‚

      Love the concession to potential conflict here. Reads to me as sincere πŸ™‚

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  26. Maybe a wee bit OT as this is not about fighting in the first place:
    I wonder if I would have problems with him remaining in one of his roles even when in private life. Would that confuse me (would I recognise it?) or annoy me or would that be more of an intriguing, additional personal facet of Richard. Could I cope with that or would that make me feel like on shaky ground because it would feel like dealing with a stranger/unknown person. Would this make me feel minor and possibly give me a feeling of not being interestingly enough? But then I would probably not fight with Richard anyway, but rather with another person altogether….

    PS. Ladies, I love what you all have written hereto..

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  27. […] writes in a comment below on the question of things one might fight about with […]

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  28. Cat Winchester writes on FB that they’d fight “over how much of the bed he’s hogging” πŸ™‚

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  29. I shamelessly stole this – WITH CREDIT!!!! and A LINK TO YOU!!!! – for our Richard Armitage US FB page. What a superior question! (My list includes all of yours except the last one. Instead, I’d add my tendency to disappear into a marathon of TV viewing (an entire season of Justified, Game of Thrones, House of Cards, Arrested Development…) when I’ve had a bad day.

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  30. Funnily enough, I’ve actually thought about this! The only thing that I came up with is, politics. American politics to be exact. I’ve read his comments on that NY Moves interview, and I can just see us having a conversation in some imaginary future:

    “Rich, don’t talk about (X) issue like that. It’s more complicated than that. You’re going to get people upset with you.”

    “Why not, am I not allowed to have an opinion now?”

    “Yes but you’re going to end up offending somebody. You don’t even know the background. blah blah blah….”

    And commence an argument. I can get pedantic when it comes to politics, and Richard strikes me as a person who would NOT stand for being treated, or made out to look like he’s a simpleton with no opinion, even if it’s done as a way to protect him from bad publicity or something.

    There’s also his love of skiing. If he wants to do that together, frequently, I’ll balk and ask him to pick something else that doesn’t involve cold and snow. I have a temper, but if he’s got a temper too well that’s so much the better because I tone it down when I know the other person’s going to be yelling back. If he gets moody because he’s so into the characters he’s playing, that’s okay because I’m moody too so I know enough to just be quiet and give him his space. Everything else, I think I can live with πŸ™‚

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    • Thanks for the comment and welcome! I would be on his side in this one πŸ™‚

      There’s the whole question of whether temper is okay. Some people live with partners who are periodically explosive, so it’s really all about context.

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  31. Oh, I thought of one more MAJOR issue: his love of and participation in danger sports. I do NOT like that. I want him *safe*!
    (This is fun, Servetus!)

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  32. Same t-shirt for ten years could be a deal-breaker.

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  33. We’d bicker about my cat…. because we both love food and books, and my place of living is what I would classify as ‘organized chaos’…. so it would definitely be the cat

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  34. We would fight over who was the funniest as we both seem to have a very daft Northern sense of humour. He would think he was funnier but I would match him which would get him going! We would also fight over holidays skiing is just too physical but compromise with a paradise island to compensate. Would fight over him living in NY but again compromise on time in England and NZ. We both like our own space and both messy so hopefully we could work this out but who would do the tidying? Again bone of contention.Would definitely argue if he took on each character at home don’t want to live with a bloody broody man 24/7. Politics not a problem we both don’t think too deeply on this but understand our own cultural politics and frames of reference. All in all we would argue then laugh each other into bed……….. (very tongue in cheek!)

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  35. This has been enlightening for me. I am more closed off than I realized. Even reading the many reasons you all gave for arguing was making me uncomfortable. I have been in marriages (2) where there was a lot of arguing and it was mainly one sided. I would withdraw emotionally if I couldn’t physically. A therapist told me my withdrawal actually increased their anger because they knew they couldn’t get through to me. I have been on my own for 5 1/2 years now and still wouldn’t even consider having coffee with a man. So for me RA is so much a fantasy world that I can’t even imagine being in a position to have an argument (or even a cup of coffee.)

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    • I’ve been single since 2006, and it truly has its pleasures! (though I’ve been out with men / had encounters in that time). Sometimes total peace is a great reward. I honestly can’t imagine a relationship that has absolutely zero conflict … I know that people are talking about theirs, but it’s just hard for me to draw that picture in my mind.

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      • Thanks Serv. It’s nice to hear that not everyone thinks I’m a weirdo for placing such a high priority on peace. The only relationship I can imagine with zero conflict is where one person has given up their own self to buy peace. I don’t mean to say that conflict-free relationships don’t exist only that in my limited brain I can’t imagine one.

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        • I had what I *thought* was a conflict free relationship (we never had a fight or even bickered) and it was bliss while it lasted BUT what I found out at the end was that Dutiful English Boyfriend had been screwing someone else for 2 months leading up to the breakup (and quite possibly others before although I don’t know more than just the one). I had NO idea, no idea. Everything seemed really good, I thought we were happy. It was really a shock. So even though he was not really feeling capable of fully committing to being with one person at that point in this life, he was such a people pleaser that he didn’t want to hurt me and just kept going on as if everything was okay. I do still believe it is possible to have a conflict free relationship if the people involved are averse to fighting as a way to communicate (as I am), but obviously this example does not really support that hypothesis.

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          • I don’t believe in a conflict-free relationship. We all have issues and things that irks us. I do bottle things up and suddenly explode when I can’t control myself anymore. It is exhusting! And all because I don’t like confrontations and try to avoid them by keeping quiet until I can’t anymore LOL. And when that happens, I might say some hurtful things, which snaps me back into control, albeit in a very bad way. Thankfully I’m only 26 and have been working on this for the past 5 years. But it is a personality trait that’s hard to kick and one I hate. What really works, at least for me, is saying everything at the time, and then proceed on to the discussion. The results are always better, things are cleared up and everyone involved can move forward.

            There are three issues I would have with him: 1. if he can’t control his temper (something I recognize in myself!), then I would forgive him but NEVER forget. Especially if that persons keeps falling back on the same mistake. 2. The other issue (ignoring the whopping 16 (!) age difference between us): his 100% focus on work to the point where everything and everyone else falls to 2nd place. I don’t mind he never settled down. But I’m the daughter of a workaholic (they even share the same birthday) and have first hand experience on what it’s like, and it sucks for everyone involved. 3. Finally: […] Smoking is definitely a dealbreaker for me.

            Other than that, he’s extremely nice to look at πŸ™‚

            [Hi, Cee, and welcome — edited because of the issues raised by personal criticism of smokers — this is a longer discussion here, and you had no way of knowing unless you’d seen the post on that topic. I don’t have the link handy but if you want to know, look for a post called Armitage fumans. Thanks for the comment and for understanding.]

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  36. He would hate my deplorable eating habits. He has said he’s a very healthy eater, while I consider diet coke and frozen m&m’s to be two of the four basic food groups.

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    • I think he’d have to cut you some slack as he’s been spotted drinking actual Coke with sugar in it by a reporter. That said: who cooks? πŸ™‚

      ps I had a Coke and a Milky Way bar for breakfast this morning … my sister!

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      • How do you feel about Starbucks? Another staple of my diet. And I have just about given up cooking. Life’s too short to spend any time chopping onions

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        • I *live* at Starbucks.

          I cook if there’s someone to cook for. Otherwise I buy things in various places and put them in my mouth.

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  37. I think Richard is more into avoidance than argument. I’m that way myself. I’ve come to realize, through experience, that this can be very harmful to a relationship, so I would work hard to try to deal with issues rather than pretend they don’t matter As to what we would argue about? Richard has been alone a long time, I think he might forget to consider his partner when making decisions. That would, obviously, be an issue for me. Also, we’d probably argue about politics. Richard may be somewhat conservative, but not as conservative as I am! But it’s definitely not a deal breaker for me.

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    • He gives that impression. And good point about the being alone for a long time … adjustments always necessary. Thanks for the comment, and welcome.

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  38. I’m a non confrontational person and I don’t tend to fight about things and pretty conservative on the political front (except for when it comes to gay rights, as I have gay friends and believe in their right to be married). I like the cold and snow, and could quite easily live in NYC or England. So I can’t honestly think of anything I’d fight with him about – we both make our own money, so that probably wouldn’t be an issue. That was a big sticking point with my last partner – he’d bail out on rent and I’d be left to cover it.
    Probably the only problem I’d see is that he’s messy and I’m not. I don’t like walking over people’s clothes on the floor and I can get a bit irate at my daughter because she seems to believe her wardrobe is her bedroom floor.
    But other than that I’m pretty easy going, and I’d love to learn to ski! I love tall men with blue eyes, too. I think the main reason I like Richard is because he’s very similar to the father of my children. Not so much body-wise, but just tall, blue eyes, dark hair, same general face shape. And I don’t think I’d be worried about him still being friendly with the ex. I’m still friendly with mine, so he’d have to deal with it!

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    • I think if you have kids it’s frequently in everyone’s best interest to stay somewhat friendly. But I’m friendly with all the exes I haven’t lost touch with — after an initial period of no contact πŸ™‚

      Thanks for the comment, and welcome.

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  39. Y’know, when I was still in the throes of Russell Crowe lust (what the HELL was I smoking, since marijuana wasn’t yet legal in Colorado, all those years ago), I had this fantasy all the time. Usually “Russell’s” and my fights were over creative ownership of characters and their storylines and/or dialogue. And no, I was having none of his crap.

    Funnily enough, I don’t argue with “Richard.” I suppose if we did have the odd disagreement or two, it would be because I am a snowboarder, and he is a skier. That could be easily settled with a snowball fight, or a good tussle in the snow, though, since we both love snow and cold.

    I imagine food choices might be another area in which we would differ, as he seems far less finicky than I am, because my OCD affliction tends toward the senses. Again, a problem easily solved, he orders whatever takeout he enjoys, and I do the same. If we must go out to eat, I can find something not-terribly-exotic on the menu, and reward his patience with ice cream when we get home.

    Which brings me to area number three that might cause more than a little bit of trouble- where we call home. He’s a city boy, for all that he loves the outdoors and associated activities. That in mind, I do live in Colorado, which provides a limitless number of said things to do in every sort of weather. I think he would love it here. But, we would probably have to live in Colorado Springs or the Denver metro area, to give him his city life and some sort of base of operations for his career, and I’m not keen on that. I’m a small-town girl, and I don’t like people knowing what is going on on the other side of my walls. I prefer a home outside city limits, tucked back in the foothills of the Rockies or Sangre de Cristo range. Though if he still has that dream of building a green-energy home, well, this is a perfect place for it. Or we could just move to the English countryside or New Zealand when he decides he wants to retire. The point is, until such time as that happens, his work requires he be based somewhere like London, New York, or LA. And I’d go along, but not happily. Though he would not have to keep me entertained- I would be in every museum and historical attraction closeby or writing until he got in at night (or whenever). Leaving me thousands of miles away is not an option. (I doubt it would be for him, either.)

    Like Servetus, I’m a bit of a planner, though I suspect that is because I’m not rolling in money, and getting time off from my job requires scheduling around others’ needs. If money weren’t an object, however, then I think it would be a simple matter of who wants to go where, when, in which case I don’t foresee Richard and I having too much of a dispute in that regard. He and I seem to share the same interests and pastimes. We could probably live comfortably in companionable silence, too.

    Huh. I had no intention of writing that much tripe. But this is a fascinating look into just where our fantasies about that wonderful man take us. Thanks for bringing it up, Serv and Fatima.

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    • It’s turned into a surprisingly productive question, hasn’t it? I’m grateful to Fatima as well, I wouldn’t have guessed it.

      I really find your beginning point interesting, that you could fantasize fights with Russell Crowe … it gets back to this point of some people just seeming more willing to argue. Maybe one reason we have a hard time coming up with stuff we’d fight about with Armitage is that he seems so unlikely to be in argument.

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  40. Most people I know would call me argumentative, stubborn, confrontational, or some combination of the three. The only one of those I will wear without feeling insulted and misunderstood is stubborn. (I can’t deny it.) I think I just come off as confrontational or argumentative because I don’t see the point in bothering to express an opinion if it’s not a strong one, so once I’ve stepped outside my comfort zone (which is silent observation) to voice my opinion about something, we’re already in the territory of things that are too high-stakes for me to *not* hold my ground. And because I’m so atrociously bad at picking up social cues, I often find I’ve entered an argument unwittingly when what I thought I was doing was just speaking my mind. All this is to say that I don’t really fight on purpose, but I do fight pretty intensely, and nearly every argument I have with everyone usually seems to come back around to communication.

    Available evidence suggests that Richard and I are uncannily alike on a number of personality fronts/ general traits, including — possible unpopular opinion time — a tendency to think things through carefully before saying them and to come up with a wording that made sense internally but doesn’t quite come across right when spoken aloud. So it may well be that we would argue about communication. Or possibly we might understand each other uniquely. (Obviously I prefer the second scenario.)

    Other than that, it’s hard to imagine myself arguing with him. I think we have a lot of the same preferences and tendencies, as I said, and it’s much nicer to think of him being perfectly suited to hang out with me. Add to that the fact that I don’t really like to fight in the first place, and I think most things would be water under a bridge.

    But I have to confess that, being autistic, it *is* very important to me to have certain things about my environment and habits just so. If someone I spent a lot of time with, or lived with, was unwilling or unable to deal with that, there would be strife.

    Also if he wanted to listen to country/western music in my presence, we’d have words.

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    • No, you know what, I just saw a photo that made me think of something. I think we might fight about how often he needs to shave if he wanted to kiss me.

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    • you and I have this similar reaction that we tend to read stuff with him and thinking initially, oh, yeah, I am totally like that (as opposed to, that’s so attractive) — and I think people who are too much alike fight a lot in relationships, actually — that’s my impression anyway.

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      • If he’s half as stubborn as I am, I imagine we’d find plenty to fight about as time went on. I just can’t imagine what that might be. Aside from the stubble.

        Making up can be nice, though. πŸ˜‰

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  41. We might fight about our favorite ships or something fandom related, since we both are quite similar in terms of food, being messy,etc πŸ˜‰

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  42. I was noticing , serv, that there are a lot of new commentators on this topic. Obviously this was a great question and has generated some good discussion

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  43. A commentator who prefers to remain anonymous sent me this joke:

    “The biggest fight I might have with Mr. A would be how often Lee Pace was at our house rummaging through the closet.”

    [Servetus found this HILARIOUS.]

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  44. I’m a complete loser at dating/romantic relationships so I tend not to go there in my fantasies about RA. Mostly they concern me loving him from afar.

    But I suppose if we were to be in a relationship together and live together, we would argue about the appropriate level of cleanliness in our home. I can’t stand clutter and dust exacerbates my allergies so a dirty and messy home would become a huge source of friction.

    Money would be another one since control of it is a huge hot button for me since I grew up with my parents fighting over it all the time. I’m all fine with saving and being careful but I like beautiful things and I don’t wear rags. Plus, I’m somewhat of a homebody so having a beautifully decorated home is important to me since I spend so much time there. If he were of the opinion that a cheap, ugly couch was just fine even though we can afford a nicer one that’s upholstered in a beautiful fabric, let’s just say there would be words.

    Where to live wouldn’t be an issue since I’m totally down with living in NYC/London though I would want to live in NYC as long as my parents are alive and afterwards we can move back to the UK.

    Smoking is a dealbreaker so if he smokes regularly no way would we be in a relationship never mind fighting about it. So long as he’s not a heavy drinker, I’m fine with that.

    This is an interesting question to ponder since I’ve been alone for so long that I really have no idea how I would navigate a relationship with him. Normally, I’m a very easy-going, mild-mannered person so I don’t really anticipate any particular roadblocks but I suppose the planner vs spontaneous thing might come up occasionally bite us in the ass.

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    • “Money would be another one since control of it is a huge hot button for me”

      For some reason I didn’t think of that, but you’re right – that could be a big issue. For me, it’s lack of control & independence. I don’t like relying on someone else, so being with someone who earns exponentially more than I do could trigger that big-time. In this case, I’d probably be the one wanting to do without so I didn’t feel as if I were taking advantage. That could prove very annoying to him & stressful for me.

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    • yeah, you get the feeling from some of these TH outtakes that Armitage would be happy to wear his clothes into shreds. Which is fine as long he doesn’t want his partner to do that.

      Money is a hard one to navigate, it is so ingrained in us by what we experienced as children and what we took away from that.

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  45. Alright, just to be clear…at 43 I can’t do fairy tale/prince charming. So, my ‘head canons’ need to be as realistic as possible for him and for me. I do have my share of hot ‘n spicy. I keep them private. I mean locked-in-my-head, perhaps-write-in-my-private-journal private. Trust me those kept me sane when I had a back injury, complete with sciatic pain, and going through treatment. So, yes, making up can be fun.

    But private.

    I mean there are some things on Tumblr nobody should post…EVER!!!!!

    Like

    • Thanks for this and for expressing your opinion without personally attacking other fans who differ from you. So that you know, this blog celebrates all kind of fan fantasies, I link to tumblr and A03 with approval, and I occasionally publish mine here behind a password or analyze or promote those of others. I would like you to be aware of that, because some of these pieces will appear here sooner or later. You may want to modify your reading of the blog on that basis and/or be aware of the comments policy. Thanks for your understanding.

      Like

  46. […] [I feel compelled to say, in case it's not obvious, that these are jokes sent to me by blog readers in response to this comment.] […]

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  47. […] the psychological ones, the analytical ones, the fanciful ones, the joking ones, the sexy ones, the hypothetical ones, the speculative ones, the supportive ones — all involved assembling a version of […]

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  48. […] This is another exercise in headcanon. We’ve done this before: headcanon on Richard Armitage as sleeper, and headcanon on what we’d fight about with him. […]

    Like

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