Richard Armitage announces new social media platform

Leeds: RAeuters

In a surprise move Tuesday that ended years of apparent resistance, Richard Armitage announced a new presence on social media, starting with an official website, Rich4Realz.com.

The site will host a historical record of the thespian’s career along with never-before-seen photos and messages to fans.

“I hope to leave more frequent messages,” the star’s announcement on the website stated, “but I don’t think fans are trying hard enough yet to decode and understand what I’m saying, so I’m thinking of posting them in code to increase the interpretive challenge. I might offer a prize to the first person to decipher each message — such as a picture of myself on stage as an elf at the age of eleven!”

The site will further feature a Monday column from Armitage’s mother, who will respond to letters from heartbroken fans suffering because they will never have a chance to date her son.

Effective immediately, the website continued, the star of The Hobbit trilogy will tweet as @DishyTornadoDick.

Industry sources said that Armitage was moved to tweet when his publicist pointed out to him that Twitter makes unconventional spelling and punctuation look like a style choice.

Initially, the new site asked users to propose daily hashtags for the star to use (#thighsonthursday for discussion of how Armitage keeps his legs in such great shape, for instance), but attempts to load Rich4Realz.com failed after the first time — probably due to massive fan demand.

Other sources claimed that site collapsed because newly-single Gwyneth Paltrow linked to it in a tweet that she marked #consciouscoupling, declaring that Armitage’s new platform finally made him an attractive marital partner for her and her brand.

Repeated tweets from RAeuters to @DishyTornadoDick asking for confirmation went unanswered, but each of them was retweeted over a thousand times by fans who wanted to know.

Armitage remained elusive after the announcement. It was almost as if he had said nothing.

Through judicious following of fan social media, however, this reporter was able to track the elusive film star down at The Hop in Leeds, where he was rocking the weekly pub quiz all on his own. I had to wait until he’d successfully answered a question on primordial gravitational waves, but when asked why he finally caved after holding out against fan pressure for so long, Armitage said:

“April Fool!”

(In related news, Michael Fassbender felt neglected and Servetus is still poor.)

***

[APRIL FOOL!]

[SERVETUS DUCKS.]

~ by Servetus on April 1, 2014.

53 Responses to “Richard Armitage announces new social media platform”

  1. I am laughing so hard right now…. lol although the Paltrow part gave me the shivers 😉

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  2. gigglesnort

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  3. @DishyTornadoDick…LMAO!!

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  4. Lol!

    I think #thighsonthursday might have encouraged me to finally get a Twitter account though!

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  5. Bloody hell, I read the first paragraph and thought it was legit. My heart skipped a beat. Better than The Onion. Damn, I wish it was ALL was true!

    BTW, first timer here. Love your blog!

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    • Thanks for the comment and welcome.

      Future tip for optimizing heart health — spoof posts always have the dateline “RAeuters” (a rather obscure pun on “Reuters”).

      Like

  6. My sides are aching! 🙂 I needed a good laugh before heading for bed!

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  7. Loved it XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Loved it though I have to agree that seeing Gwyneth’s name there gave me the shivers as well. That is so funny and you know for a second there I was ready to believe it. I might add that it caught me almost and it isn’t even April Fool’s Day here yet.

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  8. LOL! Thanks 🙂 Oh well …so there will be no pictures in bananananananana costume ? 😦

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  9. 4real funny! LOL, I cracked the first coded message, he said Gwyneth was only a good friend. He wanted to remind his well wishers that he preferred curves. And due to continued fan outrage, he has replaced Ben Afleck in the future Batman role. He will be the first actor to play the role with a pony tail.

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  10. Brilliant!! I’m in fits of laughter here! Best.April.Fool’s.Ever! @DishyTornadoDick just hilarious! 😀 😀 😀

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  11. What a great morning start! Thank you, Serv!

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  12. 😀 😀 😀 thanks, Servetus!

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  13. I’m done…cracking up…I just can’t…Servetus, you cannot do this to me on an otherwise boring Tuesday morning! Laughing really hard…coffee is all over the place 🙂

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  14. LOL! Thanks for this, Servetus. I really needed a laugh this morning.

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  15. LOL!

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  16. Oh, I wish it were true. Thank you Servetus 🙂 😀 😀

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  17. Read this this morning at 6 am and nearly had a heart attack – for the “wrong” reasons (I don’t like the idea of RA tweeting… don’t kill me). #thighsonthursdays had me in stitches, as did the idea of having Mama Armitage provide an “agony aunt” service. She’d have to take over full-time, I guess. “rocking the weekly pub quiz on his own” – LOL…
    Inspired stuff. Loved it.

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    • Given what I see behind the scenes I am pretty at least 3-5 counselors could be employed fulltime dealing with cases of unrequited love among fans, so it’s good of her to step in to do it for free.

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      • I am appalled! That is exploitation if Mama A has to take on the work of 3-5 counsellors!!! And a pensioner, too! Shocking!

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        • I think she’s already running a mail answering service as well. But you know how it is once you retire, you just get busier and busier.

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  18. Brilliant, Serv…. Slow clap.

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  19. Bahaha!!!!

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  20. I’ve already sent off my letter to Mrs A for her Monday column….

    Absolutely brilliant and written by someone who knows all about him!

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  21. Ha, Rich4Realz!! That should be his ’90s rapper name XD

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  22. Great joke for the 1st of April, bravo ! 🙂

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  23. Happy April Fools’ Day to you too! This is hilarious — I love the part about his mother’s Monday column best!

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  24. I love it!!! You rock! We should have an agony-aunt momma Armitage blog with an open inbox!!!!! It would be such fun 🙂

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  25. LOL… Oh my gosh I totally forgot it was April fools day! That’s very good 😛 I was sitting here thinking (wow, those are some pretty strange website/twitter names) 😛

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    • it’s important to make sure the joke is recognizable, otherwise people get angry for some reason 🙂

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  26. […] This might remind you of an old ooof I did a long time ago where I talked about distortion before. In this case, I absolve the photographer of all responsibility. He did his job – he could not move back. This was the only way he was going to get the whole delicious 6’2″ of Armitage into the shot. But good thing that we do not have to rely on our eyes only. We can conjure up a properly proportioned Armitage in our minds’ eye and correct our vision. And as steadfast fans, that is what we do – we know that the picture lies and that Mr Armitage is not posing here for menswear in a plus-size fashion catalogue but he continues to be worthy of inclusion in a female locker room… And hey, locker rooms and 90s footballers bring up some delicious visuals. I leave those to your own imagination… If you would like to be entertained, I recommend you read Servetus’ wonderful post on Armitage’s new twitter. […]

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  27. Ahah, I knew even from the name of the site itself it’s an April Fool’s joke! 😀

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  28. ROFLOL!

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  29. Best.prank.ever.

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  30. I really enjoyed the TORN joke of the day but your announcement made my day! 😀 ” I had to wait until he’d successfully answered a question on primordial gravitational waves,” – LoL. Would DashyTornadoDick spread his wisdom to his avaricious well-wishers? Questionmark? Thanks for sharing!

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    • I think that he, like everyone else, is waiting until the scientists at Harvard have their research referreed, but obviously if the discover is confirmed Armitage will be in seventh heaven.

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  31. Ha!! I knew you would be up to something!!! Besides, DishyTornadoDick is to the point, unschlagbar and sooooo delectable!! This can’t be any bad joke 😀

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  32. ‘Rich4Realz.com’ gigglesnort
    This was brilliant 😛

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  33. Thanks to everyone!

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  34. You really had me right up to ThighsonThursday…. thank God, I thought he had lost his freaking mind! @DishyTornadoDick …. oh my lord. Good job.

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  35. […] 9. Richard Armitage announces new social media platform, published April 1, 2014. First of two spoofs that made the top ten this year. This was funny because really, after his statements in February, I thought a tweeting Armitage was a long way off. It turned out that a long way off meant four whole months. A second spoof completes the top ten, Richard Armitage strong arms Bible, unleashes multiple protests, published July 19, 2014. […]

    Like

  36. […] material. Too improbable to be believed? Last year on April Fool’s Day, I predicted Richard Armitage would start a social media platfor…. Cough. Here are the jokes from 2013 and […]

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