That visceral reaction is still there and it popped its head up on Sunday

I guess I’m getting to be a broody anti-socialite blogger in my old age. Though someone who carded me this week said, there’s no way you’re 46. Which was nice. Or maybe I’m getting overly preoccupied with Bagginshield. I didn’t watch the Oscars, because for the first time in forever I hadn’t seen a single one of the films, although I was happy to learn whose performance Richard Armitage respected! I knew about the cryptozoic cards before Richard Armitage tweeted about them, though. I might have been aware of them even before this, and just forgotten, but Jed Brophy tweeted his own signature on some Desolation of Smaug cards a few days earlier and so I went on eBay to look for the Unexpected Journey ones. No, I don’t have the money (or the patience) to unwrap hundreds of those cards in hopes of finding the one I want, like this person must’ve. And yeah, I went on, typed in my search term, and found it immediately.

$_57

Thorin Oakenshield / Richard Armitage signature card from cryptozoic The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey set. Soon to be mine.

And I had that — I want it. I. want. it. reaction again.

I really do not know what is up with this because honestly, I would still not ever write Armitage to ask for an autograph, although it turned out that I got one in London (sort of for lack of a better strategy for seeing him at the stage door, the second night I was there — and I love that one. I look at it almost every day, in the morning. I never would have thought of doing that beforehand but it was totally the right thing to do. On the other hand, I have still not looked at the photo Guylty took of us). And I don’t think I would buy an autograph from an eBay seller, although I am not as hostile to autograph merchants as many of my fellow fans are, and especially not after being in London (something I’ve been dreading writing about, I realize). It was interesting to see that the top price for an Armitage autograph on eBay used to be around $80 and it’s definitely jumped since then. Way to go, Mr. Armitage.

I am rambling.

I didn’t want an autograph and now I am going to have two? I mean, seriously, Serv, get a f****** grip. I still don’t understand my own behavior sometimes. Then again, I didn’t think I would stand at a stage door and I did that. Aaargh.

Maybe it’s something about the relic effect? Things that have touched the body of Armitage? Like the costume cards? Or the confession? All of which are in my office, and while not yet directly on display, things I look at a lot?

I knew the second I saw it that I had to have it. I held off for four days. Then I bought it. And while I was berating myself the whole time, I knew I was going to buy it (the price was about 10 percent of the amount currently in my “build up six months savings fund” which makes me feel slightly guilty; really, I need to save money against downward mobility; then again, I didn’t get myself a birthday present; and I consoled myself that I will stay away from the best bar on the planet until I’ve made up the difference) and I also knew I was going to blog about it and my weird feelings about this.

I just knew I wanted it and I was going to have it. Period. I don’t understand why I wanted it and I wonder if — despite the things that are now drawing me to Francis Dolarhyde — Thorin is still hanging on to me somehow. If so, how? I need to write a lot more about The Battle of the Five Armies.

What is going on with me?

Lately, I feel like everything I say, I say in a sort of point-blank way. Wednesday’s my five year blogiversary. I don’t want to write anymore if I have to hide. Liberation. Liberation.

~ by Servetus on February 24, 2015.

11 Responses to “That visceral reaction is still there and it popped its head up on Sunday”

  1. Sometimes I want to say I’m like 62 or something so people will sincerely say…’you look so young’…but then it wouldn’t have been sincere cause I’m not 62! And I would feel guilty. Also, I’ve decided to go grey..or sliver as I prefer to say. I’m going to have long silver locks (hopefully not turn out looking like Meryl Streep in Into the Woods, though). I love your liberation theme this year…write away! I totally get the wanting the autograph, something tangible that was once in his hands (or somewhere on his body). And I get the being sucked in the FD role…it surprised me how interesting it was getting the more I learned and thought about the part. And for my final rambling.. I would love to read a handwriting analysis of RA’s …from little snippets I’ve seen it seems distinctive.

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  2. Autogrammkarten, Sammelbildchen und Fotos mit Stars sind irgendwie so der Bodensatz des Fangirltums. Das machen nur die Mädels unter 18 (ungefähr). Denkt man so. Ist man 40+6 (und mehr) kommt man gegen das freakige Gefühl dabei nur mit guten Argumenten an: .B. du benötigst das Autogramm, weil du dringend noch eines in Schönschrift brauchst. Ich wette, das aus London ist so hingeschmiert, stimmt’s? Außerdem beweist du eine gewisse Flexibilität, was deine Einstellungen im Allgemeinen und Besonderen zu RA angehen. “Was kümmert mich mein dummes Geschwätz von gestern” sagte glaube ich Adenauer. Serv, du hast alles richtig gemacht. Als Buße hast du es hier kommuniziert und Leuten wie mir Gelegenheit gegeben, mich zu äußern. Auftrag erfüllt. Ich wünsche dir noch viele schmachtvolle Momente beim Betrachten. Freu dich dran!
    Ach so: 4 Tage ist übrigens ein prima Durchschnitt für so einen “Reifungsprozeß” kann ich bestätigen 🙂

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  3. 😊😊😊 Ein paar von deinen Erfahrungen teile ich…ich hätte auch nie von mir gedacht, dass ich mich jemals an einer Stage Door in eine Schlange stellen würde…und wie meistens, wenn man irgendwas partout nicht tun will und es dann doch tut war es eine tolle Erfahrung. Nicht nur Richard Armitage aus der Nähe zu sehen. Sondern das ganze Drumherum. Die anderen Damen, die ich dabei kennen gelernt habe…und noch manches mehr.

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  4. I see this post as somehow connected to the vulnerability post below.

    From my perspective (I could be completely wrong, and if I am, please ignore this), it would seem that RA is your muse, your road on which to ‘drive’ your creativity, and without creativity, you cannot liberate yourself. What I’m saying is that RA is your road to liberation.

    However, at the same time, you surprise yourself by wanting something that you never thought you would want in a million years, e.g. the autograph(s), and then when you become surprised at your own behaviour, you have to face your vulnerability, and that is both unsettling, scary even and liberating at the same time.

    These two posts (vulnerability and visceral reaction) really resonate with me. I’m not really on the creativity path – yet – but I want more. I have to discover what I want more of, and that makes me vulnerable, but in a good way, I think.

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  5. Da ist irgend etwas in uns, so ein kleiner Teufel, der uns antreibt Dinge zu tun, die völlig unlogisch,überteuert, kindisch oder was auch immer sind. Entweder wir surfen stundenlang im Internet zu bestimmten Themen 😉 Manche kaufen hunderte von Schuhen, wieder andere Hüte, Autos (wer es sich leisten kann) und immer steckt eine bestimmte Leidenschaft dahinter.
    Solange es Du Dir leisten kannst, es Dich nicht ruiniert, Dir Spaß macht und Du Freude daran hast, es den Tag ein bißchen schöner macht wenn es Dich erfreut – genieß es und hab Spaß daran!
    Und wenn Du keinen Spaß mehr daran hast, verlose oder versteigere das Autogramm für einen der “guten Zwecke”….. ❤

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  6. Hey there – I pretty much rejoice when I can still FEEL anything with that measure of direct and uncomplicated potency!! 😉

    Personally, I have a tendency to shove things onto a backburner (like an overcrowded unread Inbox) and then one day I wake up, somewhat baffled to remember what it is that I like or want anymore!? 🙂

    So although it can be a surprise when it shows up, the nature of these visceral responses – not only is it something I no longer fruitlessly question, but honestly, it’s something I am eminently grateful to just be able to experience. 😀

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  7. Why not consider the card a birthday present to yourself from yourself? Just a little late. I find Thorin has a strange pull on me as well. I have a copy of BOFA (not illegal) and I can’t watch it. It makes me too sad – the entire movie, not just Thorin’s final scene. There is something about the character that makes me painfully emotional but I don’t want to let him go.

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  8. I think this is the first RA autograph that I find truly aesthetic. Well, there is the smouldering hot Thorin, but there is also a really distinctive autograph underneath that looks less “quick” as the SD initials. Good for you that you found something you will enjoy having. I think it is a nice memento – of RA, of TH, of Thorin, of this time in your life. You’re worth it!

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    • yeah, I think that’s part of it, that it doesn’t look rushed. Although I think there are roughly 100-150 of these cards out there, so it’s also not super careful.

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