Top 10 job skills Richard Armitage should not need to use in Mid Life Crisis

Acting requires the actor to get up close and personal with various activities that characters do on screen, and Richard Armitage is known for insisting on the real experience. From hospital passes playing rugby (apparently he fibbed about his familiarity with the sport) to visits to sheep farms to shovel manure to days spent sharpening an axe head, Armitage wants to know how to do things well. Mid Life Crisis, it seems from his hints, requires him to use a guitar convincingly. Although Armitage has referred to playing the guitar before, as a child, there has been some discussion, based on his tweets, about the level and quality of his guitar playing skills. Armitage himself has been skeptical, remarking that he sounds better with earplugs and the sound turned off. He may need to sing or dance in this role. Still, at the same time, there are probably plenty of things he’s tried that he won’t have to do in this production. Or so one guesses. We may miss some of these more than others.

11. Horse riding, where he went from having his horse run away with him on the first series of Robin Hood to developing a “special relationship” with his “pony” on The Hobbit. Although I have to admit I will really miss this — unless he does some dancing where he totally moves those hips.

10. Dying. Although he’s gotten better at this over the years, too, still it’s a bummer to keep watching his stuff only to witness his demise. Hopefully, pursuing his rockstar dreams won’t put him at risk of anything more than bruised fingertips.

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Ian Macalwain (Richard Armitage) after Henno kills him, in Ultimate Force 2.6. Source: RichardArmitageNet.com

9. Cravat tying. Although you kind of suspect his mum did it for him anyway.

Mrs. Thornton (Sinead Cusack) straights Mr. Thornton's (Richard Armitage) tie in episode 1 of North & South. Source: RichardArmitageNet.com

Mrs. Thornton (Sinead Cusack) straightens Mr. Thornton’s (Richard Armitage) cravat in episode 1 of North & South. Source: RichardArmitageNet.com

8. Broad sword manipulation. He learned it as Guy of Gisborne, he perfected it as Thorin Oakenshield, but all along, Armitage appears to have known what was coming.

Richard Armitage plays air guitar on the Hobbit set. This was originally capped from one of Peter Jackson's vlogs.

Richard Armitage plays air guitar on the Hobbit set during the filming of the Mirkwood scenes. Originally capped from one of Peter Jackson’s vlogs.

7. Artificial respiration. I’m honestly hoping that no one drowns in this film (see point 4).

Gary (Richard Armitage) revives his son (Max Deacon) in Into the Storm. Screencap. I confess i put this here to have a reason to ogle his hands. OMG.

Gary (Richard Armitage) revives his son (Max Deacon) in Into the Storm. Screencap. I confess i put this here to have a reason to ogle his hands. OMG.

6. Digging graves. This was really strenuous and people slapped him for doing it, but somehow he never got sunburned. So I can imagine he would miss it, but I wouldn’t.

Richard Armitage digs a grave in Strike Back 1.4. Source: RichardArmitageNet.com

Richard Armitage digs a grave in Strike Back 1.4. Source: RichardArmitageNet.com

5. Walking on air. I mean, Richard Armitage basically walks on water already, but this was extra special.

Lucas North (Richard Armitage) takes Dean and his mom to a safe house in Spooks 7.6.

Lucas North (Richard Armitage) takes Dean and his mom to a safe house in Spooks 7.6. My screencap.

4. Circumventing water hazards. It made him cry. So I hope for no aqua aerobics or fire extinguishing or submarines or barrel scenes.

Heinz Kruger after Captain America breaks the glass window in his submarine, in Captain America: The First Avenger. Source: RichardArmitageNet.com

Heinz Kruger (Richard Armitage) after Captain America breaks the glass window in his submarine, in Captain America: The First Avenger. Source: RichardArmitageNet.com

3. Chewing the props. I mean, who needs it?

Francis Dolarhyde (Richard Armitage) eats the Blake watercolor, in Hannibal 3.10. Screencap.

Francis Dolarhyde (Richard Armitage) eats the Blake watercolor, in Hannibal 3.10. Screencap.

2. Washing his upper body in a bucket. Because in the twenty-first century, we have running water. So much nicer.

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Proctor (Richard Armitage) washes himself after a hard day on the farm, The Crucible. Screencap. What a shame he couldn’t just come in and take a nice hot shower.

And the NUMBER ONE JOB SKILL RICHARD ARMITAGE SHOULD NOT NEED TO USE IN MID LIFE CRISIS:

  1. Standing patiently  while makeup artists paint his ass crack.
Richard Armitage in makeup to play the Red Dragon. He tweeted this himself.

Richard Armitage in makeup to play the Red Dragon. He tweeted this himself.

More’s the pity.

~ by Servetus on June 17, 2016.

41 Responses to “Top 10 job skills Richard Armitage should not need to use in Mid Life Crisis”

  1. You have me trying hard not to giggle at 1 a.m. Good job!

  2. Roflmao
    No ‘How will he die this time?’ speculation???? Bummer!!! 😉

  3. Presumably he won’t need to work on his American accent either. Love the original accent!

    • Oh please, let him have his original accent! Guitar playing, possible singing and dancing, AND British accent equals b-l-i-s-s sigh

    • seriously. He should have a whole six months at least of talking like home. he’s earned it!

  4. Thank you for the much needed laughs tonight. I love the little seven degrees tidbits I can connect to RA. The actor who played Dean in the Lucas North screen cap plays Grey Worm the Unsullied in Game of Thrones. I often think about DDL when I read or hear how RA prepares for his roles. Here’s hoping RA never gets this “method” in preparing for a role….. Daniel Day-Lewis didn’t bathe or shower from the time filming began to when it wrapped, in order to stay in character.

    • yeah, imagine if the dwarves had done that. Hmmm. There was a piece in the Guardian this week about how we should all try not showering. I’d be on board but I bet most people wouldn’t.

  5. Great post Serv! Thank you for the giggles 😀

  6. I’m thinking the ass crack could still be a possibility, though… Who knows where rockers have their tattoos nowadays… 😉

  7. Do we have a guess what kind of music to expect? Pop or rock?

  8. I’m worried!

  9. Funny post. I am glad he won’t have to use those skills. Although you never know, his electric guitar (if he uses one) could blow up and lead to his early demise. Or his band hangs out with the Beach Boys and they go surfing together. Double jeopardy: possible drowning scene and having to be in the ocean pretending to like it. And add ass crack as his board shorts slip off his hips while he is being chased by a great white.

    • He could drop his electric guitar in the water and electrocute himself. Do those things have GFCI pickups (or whatever they are called)?

      OK, if HE does a surfing scene, I take back my thing about hoping that no one drowns cinematically. But I don’t want a whale munching on his ass. In my fantasies that role is reserved for ME.

  10. LOL! And I thought the veterinary “job skills” were an interesting list… fishing dog nail trim clippings out of one’s bra, for instance… but between walking on air and patiently having his ass crack painted… clearly Richard Armitage has surpassed me! =)

    • replacing a prolapsed uterus in a cow (big thing around here). That is a real skill, I think. However, he’d have to play James Herriot to get that one down.

  11. Lol – thank you for the fun 🙂

  12. Brilhant post!!

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