just me this time

So, yeah, I keep posting pictures of Richard Armitage with words on them while my brain and my guts churn in the background.

Part of that is because on Sunday I cooked a pound of lentils in a soup with some onions and mushrooms and I ate them for lunch and dinner consecutively on both Monday and Tuesday so — wow. Explosive. Actually, it wasn’t my plan to embark on a program for intestinal health, but cooking for dad has narrowed the biological diversity of my gut biome. It’s just easier to cook things that we both like to eat. For some reason he’s okay with split peas, but not lentils, and he would not touch this soup. I mean, a lentil is just more or less a flattened split pea, no?

Or maybe it was the curry paste? Dad, frightened away by spices. Even so, I need to start recharging my digestive tract.

The sunlight helped a lot this week, although the weather is worrying. 60F while sturgeon spearing is still going on? The foolhardy are falling into the lake. Since bro is a volunteer fireman he gets to help rescue them, which is time-consuming, expensive, and really unnecessary so stay off the g-ddamn lake already when it’s this warm, people. I mean, how long have you lived here and you still haven’t noticed that ice melts? Although I guess bro does enjoy getting to drive the special high tech rescue boat so there’s that. Every cloud has a silver lining.

The real problem is just the news, day after day, and it was inevitable that la migra was going to schlep away someone I know, which happened last week in Austin. Finally motivated to do something I always said I’d never do, i.e., work in a school, I actually called up the local educational licensing authority, thinking my Spanish is probably still good enough and there’s a shortage of Spanish teachers in the state, maybe I could work my way into doing something supportive of immigrants’ kids. They’ll “analyze my transcripts” but their off-the-cuff response was that I am still not qualified to teach school in this state without further coursework. I say “still” because the governor and his party seem bent on creating a teacher shortage, which we’ve never had, and also heavily inclined to eliminate every requirement on the books for teachers and I am pretty sure within five years I’ll be able just to walk into a classroom and volunteer and they will take me. So now it would be two things I said I wouldn’t do: teach school AND get another degree. Honestly. There has to be a better way.

I hate the way my brain turns in circles. There’s too much to keep of track of. And yeah, I’m afraid of what’s happening right now.

Ray of light: Muslims raised at least $60,000 practically overnight to pay for repairs to the vandalized Jewish cemetery in St. Louis. Thank you, sisters and brothers who contributed to this sign of solidarity. I embrace you and will stand beside you.

So I get over-focused on the news and don’t write about Richard Armitage. I still have six posts from the December trip to Love, Love, Love, and my seventh blogiversary is coming up, which seems oddly significant. And I had ideas of stuff I wanted to write about that, but I find myself looking at pictures and thinking about the arcane reaches of English vocabulary.


The edges of the stories I’m working on flash past me when I drive past their locations. I am still trying to write a novel. Today I was thinking about the house on the corner where the farmer used to live and what a great story that place is. And about six days ago, the outlines of a complete story ran through my head and I wrote them down.

Where are the words??

(maybe that’s why I’m fixated on vocabulary at the moment)

If not now, when? As a friend reminded me today, the conditions are always bad.

I don’t need sympathy; nothing in my life is objectively even slightly horrible in comparison to what many, many others are experiencing, including people I know; I am a citizen, I have a safe place to live and food to eat, I just need to write. I am not suffering. I just need to make myself write.

~ by Servetus on February 22, 2017.

25 Responses to “just me this time”

  1. Write! Do it! (With all the best wishes I can give you.)


  2. That you posted this today is interesting to me – I was driving home from work today and I told myself I was going to not go on Twitter tonight because I just can’t deal with the Trump negaverse for awhile. And I am fortunate that I am able to tune out at will – many no longer have that option and are suffering in numerous ways.


    • I’ve been wrestling with the “tune out” question myself, except that, as you point out, most people around here can’t really afford to. I’ve also been asking myself if this material needs a different blog. It might. Although I don’t really want to start another blog.


  3. Yep. You know what you need to do. Just write.


  4. oh if it were ever that simple….


  5. I’ve been a vegetarian for a number of year and have a robust gut but I wouldn’t eat lentils and onions two days in a row! It’s a problem because I often take leftovers to work for lunch but have to look for other options after a lentil dinner.

    The story of the generosity of the Muslim community brought a lump to my throat – thanks for including that.


    • I probably would have only lunch two days in a row, but dad not eating it meant I had more to eat. Do you know if one can freeze lentils?

      the story made me teary, too. Proof that we’re not going to let the current president divide us in the way he expects to be able to.


  6. For everyone who was annoyed about this — gravatars, including mine this time, now seem to be displaying wrong again. No, I don’t know what is causing it.


  7. Thank you for sharing… thank you for writing and posting those beautiful pictures and screen caps of RA…. I too have had trouble writing… There’s so much to write about, so much I want to – need to – share but I don’t feel safe to write about everything I’m experiencing…. I could write about some of it but it wouldn’t feel complete and somewhat out of context… Maybe I should start journaling then post when I feel free again….


  8. Thank you for sharing and writing. I can’t speak for others, but personally there’s no problem with the mix of topics, quite the opposite, since you mentioned another blog.

    And thank you for that story of the Muslim and the cemetery. That was heart-warming and gives hope.


  9. It’s hard NOT to let the current political climate influence one’s well-being (and thoughts). Both your approaches are valid – discussing issues on your blog; or balancing out the negativity by entertaining us (and yourself) with nice pictures and worthy words. That is what a blog is about – providing a platform for whatever is on your mind, good and bad, RA-related and not. Your readers can always choose NOT to read a post. I enjoy reading your thoughts on politics, though.
    PS: I am amused that this post of yours comes with WP links to lots of lentil recipes. You should take a look, for future reference 😂


  10. Pretty pictures of RA are always appreciated, especially during these trying times. But you have always explored other topics, most of them serious and heartfelt. You always express yourself beautifully on any subject. I think your novel writing will come in time. Just don’t beat yourself up if it takes a while. 🙂


  11. Mögen Dir ganz viele Wörter und Sätze zum schreiben zufliegen und die Inspiration bereichern….
    linsensuppe hatten wir gestern auch, allerdings waren die Auswirkungen überschaubar 🙂


  12. I do enjoy your Richard/vocabulary distraction! Some make me laugh out loud. 🙂 Yes, the news coming from the US is depressing every single day! Makes my stomach churn… and I don’t have the excuse of lentils.
    I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time writing! Hope the muse and the urge to write will return soon.


  13. Thanks for all the great comments on this thread.


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