It’s been a bit mau around here

Thanks to everyone who keeps popping by in hope that I’ve posted — I’m grateful.

Every day that I don’t write makes it harder the next time I try — I know this from academic writing and it’s been true here, too. Writing here almost every day has sustained me for so long that I’m at a loss to explain, completely, what’s been going on lately. There was the trifecta of Mom-remembering (wedding anniversary, confirmation, Mother’s Day), and that has started to fade. There’s the problem of managing Dad’s emotions about the fishing (for some reason he’s suddenly convinced this is the last year he will go fishing) and about a friend of his who’s moved into a nursing home. There’s the political situation, with every day bringing new blows, and yet I find myself unable to stop staring, transfixed, at the domestic and international train wreck the U.S. is initiating at the moment. There’s my frustration with my job situation (multiple interviews, waiting, waiting). I have some friends who are really suffering right now and I found myself weeping today after talking to one of them (although in the end that was probably a good sign). I’ve been trying to do some marketing research for my wannabe book and finding it a bit discouraging. I turn on the computer and find myself uncomfortable within the fandom.

So all of this: several weeks with no flow and I really can’t afford to go on this way. The longer without flow, the stronger the voice of my punishing, silencing inner critic.

Things I want to write about: Richard Armitage and the levels of tension. The second trip to Love, Love, Love. The trip to NYC for Pilgrimage. The last two Pilgrimage posts. My recent insight about something I think Armitage is doing in his work. The appeal of Bagginshield. Some things I’ve been reading lately. My latest unpleasant encounter at the café. The fishing situation. The spring. The Richard Armitage fantasies I’m having at the moment.

In the end I want to get back to the primary purpose of the blog. I had just decided last night that I had to write something, anything, and then came the attack in Manchester and I let myself watch that.

And now it’s 1 a.m. and I have another job interview tomorrow.

I think what’s coming after that will be some short attempts to revive my flow. They won’t be well thought out or polished, just an attempt to get my writing flowing again.

So. Thanks for reading. I appreciate all the readers and your good wishes and I hope everyone is okay, jointly, and severally, and we all know where all our loved ones are sleeping tonight. I know on some level that’s self-serving; if my loved ones are okay, that means someone else’s are not. But I still hope we are all safe and sound.

~ by Servetus on May 24, 2017.

29 Responses to “It’s been a bit mau around here”

  1. I’m sure your short and unpolished posts will still be head and shoulders above what most of us could manage Servetus so in the words of the sports shoe maker “just do it!”

    I have to say I was just about to wade in and express the annoyance I felt listening to Yael Farber on Radio 4 when the Manchester attack happened. Shame on me. As if it matters really.

    However, I believe this community is about more than a TDH actor. It’s about like minded people around the world connecting, it’s about us all worrying about ageing parents, job insecurity and the increasingly tough business of keeping body and soul together in a world that increasingly seems to lack compassion. So write about it all – if it is important to you my bet is that it will touch others too.

    • LOL, I confess that I didn’t listen to it because I was worried I would be annoyed.

      I do hope we have something in common beyond Armitage …

  2. I appreciate you’re here!
    These are troubling times, and you’re not alone in feeling that it would only takes one little card to fall out of place for the entire ‘house of cards’ crumbles.
    I hope you soon recover your ‘mojo’ to write. No matter what you write, I’m sure it’s much better than whatever I could put on paper.

  3. I think I know how you’re feeling. Take care.

  4. I think a lot of us can relate to your feelings.
    These are troubling times, and this week is about to take the cake so to speak – for me at least. It does make you question and wonder 😞 a lot, especially stuff I took for granted.
    Take care and let’s hope (pray even) for positive change to happen sooner rather than later. x

    • *many of us….

      (Need to stop changing my mind about what to say half way through the sentence 🙈)

      • Indeed; values I had that I assumed were shared, even by those whose political opinions differ from mine.

  5. You could write about a piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe and I’d read it! So carry on, my dear!!! 😉

    • LOL. I said something like that about Rachel Roddy recently — her food writing is so good that she could convince me to rip off the sole of my boot and braise it in red wince — so thank you. I am flattered.

  6. Hugs, hugs and hugs. xxx

  7. Maybe the flow is dammed up stream. There is a huge lake of your wonderful writing that will break through with a torrent. Something RA does, or something in your life may break the logjam . We will wait for you. You are worth it.

  8. Looking for a job is exhausting, I hope and pray that all goes well, soon. Taking care of an old parent is exhausting, too. And as for the rest I can’t see easy solutions. Lurking your blog helped me in these difficult last few months, so thank you for everything. Can I help you?

    • It really is. Hard on the self-esteem. Today went well, anyway. Please just keep me in your positive thoughts!

  9. (((Hugs)))

  10. I relate I think.
    Hugs!
    I like to read whenever you post. I don’t care about perfection. It’s always interesting to read your posts!

    • Thanks. Theoretically I don’t care about perfection either — but there’s a voice in my head that really does.

  11. Your blog is one of the few I’m reading. I am obsessed with the political train wreck occurring in the U.S. I spend far too much of my day reading news and discussing the political nightmare we’re living through.

    Hang in there we’ll be waiting.

    I hope the interview went well today. Hugs!!!

    • Thanks. I think it went okay. I’m always torn between “did I say what they wanted to hear” and “did I represent myself accurately”?

  12. I’m always glad to know that you’re still alive and kicking, as my grandpa used to say.

    I feel you so hard on the flow issue.

    • That’s a good thing to say. Sets the bar relatively low.

      I hope your flow is okay. The current situation is worrying.

  13. I am here still reading whatever the post when you’re ready. Do what feels best to you. Hoping for inner flow to lead to other opportunities and peace❤

  14. Hugs ❤ and fingers crossed for the interview!!!

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