Top Ten list of Richard Armitage scenes that have NOT been added to Ocean’s 8

Richard Armitage reported today that he was shooting additional scenes for the upcoming film,  Ocean’s 8. Naturally, this is because the pre-screens revealed that the film would have been substantially improved by more screen time for Armitage. But what specifically would they add to lengthen his role?

Here at “me + richard armitage,” we were able to get the goods from a leak off the set in Brooklyn. Well, kind of. Not about the scenes that were added. But about all the ones they didn’t add! Here’s a list.

10. Claude Becker reading the phone book

Richard Armitage photo distributed by Berlin Station instagram, June 2017.

Attractive because: fans constantly ask him to do it and because it feeds into a rumored project.

Challenging because: the Manhattan phone book has a whole page of “Brzęczyszczykiewiczes” in it.

Ultimately rejected because: Richard Armitage now only uses his phone to take selfies.

9. Claude Becker using his pooper scooper

Richard Armitage and James Cordon on set of Ocean’s 8, 2017.

Attractive because: more shots of Armitage in close proximity to those fancy dogs.

Additional reason: Richard Armitage thought it would add more verisimilitude to the street scenes.

Ultimately rejected because: Property master pointed to union rules that demand a bonus for exposure to hazardous props.

8. Claude Becker painting

(Claude Monet) Richard Armitage chews the scenery in episode 3 of The Impressionists.

Attractive because: we love it when Richard Armitage puts his characters’ tools in his mouth.

Richard Armitage was against because: he’s developed an aversion against oral contact of any kind with artwork since his bleeding chapped lips while eating the Blake image in Hannibal.

Ultimately rejected because: It felt like a red herring plot possibility — unless, of course, you think Becker is the forger.

7. Claude Becker lying naked on a sheep

Excerpted from Richard Armitage’s email to the writers.

Attractive because: do I really need to explain this?

Additional reason: Richard Armitage thought it would look like the Blake painting above and sent the writers a 42.5 page email about it.

Difficulty: having a live animal on set requires ASPCA supervision. Armitage balked at lying naked on a sheep skin, insisting on having an actual sleeping sheep at his disposal.

Ultimately rejected because: I heard they’re still debating this one.

6. Claude Becker breaking it down on the dance floor at the Met Gala in his eveningwear

Claude Becker (Richard Armitage) getting ready to bust a move.

Attractive because: Dat ass. Need I say more?

Big problem: expensive to recreate the whole scene, but the cinematographer thought they could try some very short shots.

Additional risk: fears Taylor Swift could be tempted to write a song about it.

Neutral position: my source says Armitage “was not totally opposed. He likes shaking his booty. His agent negotiated a bottle of win into the scene for him to get him ready.”

Ultimately rejected because: When they rehearsed and Armitage began by ripping off his bow tie, all the extras of both sexes fainted and the emergency services costs skyrocketed. The scene was canceled when the insurer threatened to drop them.

5. Claude Becker skiing

Richard Armitage expresses his enthusiasm for the Go Pro camera in an interview for Paleyfest, September 2017.

Attractive because: Fans have always wanted to see what Armitage records on his skiing Go Pro camera.

Richard Armitage’s reaction: All those women want to ride my lift??

Ultimately rejected because: Equity rules protect the craft of photographers working on set. If an actor takes over a filming task, he needs to join an additional union.

4. Claude Becker making a very liberal political speech

John Proctor was always telling us what he thought about contemporary politics.

Attractive because: It definitely keeps all fangirls glued to their screens.

Armitage’s response: [edited]

Ultimately rejected because: This film is already suspiciously feminist.

3. Claude Becker in a tornado

Richard Armitage as Gary in Into the Storm.

Attractive because: Richard Armitage always looks his best when he’s in the path of a tornado machine.

Also attractive because: Who doesn’t love a tornado film?

Armitage’s response: [edited]. [edited]. [edited.] [edited.]

Ultimately rejected because: Too much CGI required.

2. Claude Becker looking thoughtful and moody

Richard Armitage as Mr. Thornton in episode 1 of North & South.

Attractive because: We can watch the emotions flicker across Armitage’s face for hours and hours. This would be the easiest, cheapest way to add more Armitage to the movie.

Richard Armitage’s reaction: “I try to be a detailed actor.”

Fan audience sample reaction: “We’d especially like to see the emotions flicker across his face in the scene where he’s handcuffed in bed!”

Ultimately rejected because: Sadly, Becker is not a very reflective or moody character.

1. Claude Becker drowning

Richard Armitage’s new hashtag compaign.

Attractive because: Wet Armitage. What’s not to love?

Ultimately rejected because: You’ve heard of “inclusion riders.” This time, Armitage’s agent was smart enough to negotiate a “no drowning rider”!

Rejection attractive because: Richard Armitage is starting his own hashtag campaign for greater film role dryness.

So — Perry — you were right! #nobarrels

~ by Servetus on March 7, 2018.

32 Responses to “Top Ten list of Richard Armitage scenes that have NOT been added to Ocean’s 8”

  1. OMG, this is just fantastic. (And what I needed after getting into a tiff 10 minutes before this turned up.) My personal favourite was already number 10. 😂 (You really do have a knack for these comic posts!!!)

    Like

    • There was some discussion of whether they could equip the dogs with phone cameras, too, but they nixed it because their hair was going to get all messed up by the tornado machine and the ASPCA objected. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Dies laughing

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Is he the Julia Roberts male substitute of the new Ocean’s film ? I think Clooney and andy gracia thought over her in that film. I have heard that Anne Hathaway and Bullock will fight over him lol!

    Like

    • I haven’t seen the other ones so I couldn’t tell you. Fighting over him is fine — Richard kisses the girls and made him cry.

      Liked by 4 people

  4. Brilliant! I want more of Claude in evening dress (or undress, I’m not picky).

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Maybe no barrels, but as I recall, there’s a reflecting pool in the Temple of Dendur exhibit ( or used to be), where the common folks enjoy the Gala. So a toss in the water is still on the books, unless exclusion claude – mean clause.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think it’s still excluded, but I heard they’ve installed an endless pool in it and the female stars will all do laps.

      Like

  6. As always so clever and my smile has been made for the day with a giggle thrown in here and there. He likes shaking his booty? We like to know and see it too..lol keep going Serv, you are on a roll.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Bwahaha….One of your best.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Would love to see him cut loose on the dance floor. Since he sudied danceI am sure he would be a sight to behold 🙂

    Like

    • The people who saw the 24 hour plays back in 2010 got to see him do ballroom dance. As far as I know they’re the only ones so far 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Das ist ein hoch willkommener Stimmungsaufheller. Herzlichen Dank!
    Du scheinst fest entschlossen, deinen Spaß zu haben 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  10. #wetnomore LOL. So no drowning in a champagne fountain or anything.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Intriguing thought, but you’d have to call his agent. In light of all the show that’s fallen in NYC in the last day or so, though, they are rethinking the ski scene.

      Liked by 2 people

      • i protest the #wetnomore… the glamour of the movie would be much enhanced but a functioning view of the luxurious bathtub and wall spray shower! maybe those scenes have not turned up on the leaked list because they have been included!!! 🤩

        Like

  11. Oh, I didn’t realize that so many Brzęczyszczykiewiczs are in NY, especially since the surname was created for the film. But never mind. I absolutely love your suggestions. ❤ :-)))) Thank you! :*

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think there are even more of them in Chicago. I heard a whole big clan of them immigrated from Warsaw 🙂 There are more Weiqiongs in NYC, though 🙂 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  12. you are on a roll of insider info ;-)))) thank you for so eloquently sharing!! too bad he was so inflexible about 7! Could’ve lounged on a thick carpet with those dogs in the buff 😉 6 – i pray this turns up in the DVD extras.. will make sure i have a pillow nearby so that i fall softly 😂😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Ah, so funny! Thank you, you made my day!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. “Naturally, this is because the pre-screens revealed that the film would have been substantially improved by more screen time for Armitage…”
    I mean, what other reasons could there be?! snorts

    “Brzęczyszczykiewiczes” 😂😂😂😂😂😂

    Like

  15. Hahaha! That made me smile after making myself get up instead of staying in bed and nursing my cold/cough… 😘

    Like

    • I guess you’re going to the casting call then — I can’t blame you. I’d want to know exactly which scenes were being added myself.

      [seriously: hope you feel better soon.]

      Like

  16. ROFL! I would’ve loved to be on set for the scene 6 rehearsal, despite fainting-risk. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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