There are two things on my mind all the time now

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So. I disappeared, basically. Dad suffered a stroke on Saturday while we were at his grandnephew’s graduation party. Supposedly a “mild” incident, but if this is mild, the mind pales. He’s home now, but he has to be in my line of sight 24/7 for the near future at least. We knew this was coming; in fact, part of the reason I moved back was out of anticipation of the possibility of this situation. And yet.

We were so lucky. I saw the symptoms quickly (before the ER people believed me — another story, I got into a verbal confrontation with an RN and a physician’s assistant), he was treated at a state of the art facility, thanks to Medicare and insurance we can afford to pay for treatment (or rather, someone else is paying it via some actuarial sleight of hand; if that’s not the quintessence of luck these days I don’t know what is), and everyone we see asks us, “is there anything we can do for you?”

Not so the fathers and daughters (and sons and mothers) at the U.S. border. “State of the art” means something different for them. Nota bene: This is the textbook definition of the first steps of a genocide. (If you’re skeptical, read or reread the chapters in Hannah Arendt’s Origins of Totalitarianism on the refugee situation in the interwar years of the twentieth century. Read how “law” was used in that setting.) Those who defend the Trump administration’s decision to initiate this level of enforcement (legally, morally, biblically) have somehow missed the point of the instruction (legal, moral, biblical) all Americans and Christians have had on how to act situations like this.

There’s nothing I can do but call my representatives and complain; I can’t leave the house. I thus belong to the guilty. But Richard Armitage is right. We will burn for this. If not in the hereafter, in the very near future.

[I do plan to continue blogging. That was the only way I got through the situation with mom. However, it will be a day or two before I can resume.]

~ by Servetus on June 20, 2018.

90 Responses to “There are two things on my mind all the time now”

  1. So sorry to hear about your father. Mine had a series of strokes so I know the sort of thing you’re going through, and I hope he is able to recover whatever function he has lost. Bravo for getting him fast treatment. My thought and prayers are with you both.

    Re the border, it’s just chilling. I never thought it could come to this in a “civilised” country.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. Signs are good.

      I honestly am flabbergasted — and I have a former student who works to help immigration detainees and so I knew a lot about how bad things were before this. I can’t believe they have no plan to reunite the separated families.

      Like

  2. I’m glad you are there for him! Remember yourself in all this too! ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  3. My thought and prayers are with you both, too…
    Trust in Lord!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so sorry about your father but it’s good you are with him. I was far away when my mom died. There were circumstances but still I can’t forgive myself. Take care ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • My sympathies are with you — I felt in 2013 like all the choices are bad ones and to a lesser extent I feel that way now.

      Like

  5. Just wanted to send you hugs of support and my very best of thoughts! I am so sorry you dad is poorly and hope he will be very lucky and make a decent recovery.

    As to the rest i just don’t know anymore… :-((
    xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. {{{Servetus}}}
    I hope he’ll get well soon!!!!

    ‘The whole world is gone crazy’ is all I can think of in the middle of this mess. It breaks my heart and makes me angry at the same time.
    The kds at your border, the BBC interviewing von Storch, the CSU using refugees for their capaign (Landtagswahl in Bayern) and provoking a government crisis and all of them spreading lies all the time…. 😦

    Liked by 2 people

    • 🙂 Je souhaite que votre père et vous, puissent revenir très vite vers des eaux plus calmes.
      We are surrounded with more and more extremist leadership states. Yesterday, Dominique Moisy said that we are now living a new milestone in the world’s history.

      Liked by 1 person

    • The lying (and acceptance of the lies) is one of the things that surprise me the most. Thanks for the good wishes.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. So sorry to hear this and how wonderful that you could be there for him. Refuah Schlema to your dad. ((Hugs))

    As to the rest – I am with Hari – I just don’t know anymore either… 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  8. So sorry to hear about your father, I know what it will be like but thank goodness you had the knowledge to know the symptoms. Reg our government, I am scared. We are no longer the America I knew or want back. there is a poem and it puts me so in mind of what is happening:

    When the Nazis came for the communists,
    I remained silent;
    I was not a communist.
    When they locked up the social democrats,
    I remained silent;
    I was not a social democrat.
    When they came for the trade unionists,
    I did not speak out;
    I was not a trade unionist.
    When they came for the Jews,
    I did not speak out;
    I was not a Jew.
    When they came for me, there was no one left to speak out.

    Liked by 2 people

    • This poem is so much more relevant at the moment than many people think. (You could add that Jews also thought it would never happen to them in Germany.)

      Thanks for the good wishes.

      Like

  9. So sorry to read this but pleased that you were able to spot the signs early on and get good medical care – it really does make all the difference. The fact that your dad is home already must surely be a positive thing. I hope that he is able to make a good or even full recovery and that you manage to look after yourself too. Thinking of you both x

    Liked by 1 person

    • It ended up being much less bad than it could have been. But I imagine having to do any of this in French and I just about crumple! Thanks for the good wishes!

      Liked by 1 person

      • We’re all capable of so much more than we imagine. A few miles further into their journey and it would have been German. I speak none at all and read even less. French is a walk in the park for me in comparison. Having said that I discovered the actions denoting bodily functions are universal 😉 Anyway, less bad is still frightening and stressful for all concerned. Will keep you in my thoughts x

        Liked by 1 person

        • German medical professionals tend to have a good level of English (comparative to the French population), but it was really fortunate that you learned French! And it’s true about the signs 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  10. Hoping your dad makes a good recovery x

    Liked by 1 person

  11. You and your dad are in my thoughts. hug

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Serv, I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and just thankful that you could see the signs and recognized them. I’ve had to go rounds with hospital staff to get what needed to be done with my son and it’s not fun at all. Both of you will be in my prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It was really frustrating — and later I found out we were arguing about something which is actually standard of care, which was puzzling.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I don’t get it sometimes. When Spawn had his big open heart surgery, he broke out in a rash a week later (discovered he was allergic to latex). After doing everything we could to bring his fever down, the hospital decided to run blood tests. Because we were an hour out from them and it was 10PM (Emory University, so no little place) they called our local hick hospital and told them we were coming and what they needed done.

        OMG! We were there until 4 AM. Due to Spawn’s phobia of needles, it was decided that they would run ONE line, take the blood for bloodwork, and then run the antibiotic. Stick one time. Except their lab screwed up, ran the antibiotic first – over my objections and then had to come stick him a second time. He’s having a classic Aspie meltdown and I had to drag an uncompassionate lab tech out into the hall and threaten him with an asphalt face scrubbing. In the end, they STILL ran the wrong tests and we had to go back downtown at 8AM and do it all over again. I don’t get it, y’know? So yeah, frustrating. Very very very frustrating.

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        • My impression (and this includes things I observed while mom was dying) is that they see so many people that they refuse to think of anything as a special case, on the assumption that they can deal with it in a generalized way. I had similar issues to yours with mom — her veins were hard to find and it got worse as things went on. Your average phlebotomist was not equipped. What worked best was getting an expert — paramedics who stick turn out to be really good at this stuff because they do it so often under stressful circumstances — so when she needed a draw, I would always say, can we skip the 90 minutes of every different nurse on the floor trying and just go to the person we know can do it? But since it was always different people involved, we always had to go through the (increasingly stressful and painful and humiliating) course of having three people try before they called a paramedic.

          The other thing is that frankly, the organization of care is such that they don’t talk to each other and don’t think they have to. This is why I tell people who have relatives in the hospital to make sure that someone who’s observing the patient the entire time is more or less constantly there and asking questions. So many times I have told a nurse or doctor something that was in the chart but they didn’t bother to read.

          It boils down to: no one cares about my relative as much as I do.

          Liked by 1 person

          • I’m so sorry you’ve gone through that. I had a doctor who would send me to the hospital for blood work – with the orders to have a lab tech in the trauma unit to draw mine. (Little, tiny, roll. Oooh Missed me!)

            Our last trip to Emory in January for Spawn, the unit was REALLY awesome with him. They have this new gadget that looks like a square red lamp and it shows all the veins. One jab, that’s it. He was fascinated.

            Liked by 1 person

            • There are pieces of it I find interesting (e.g., dad’s echocardiogram). But on the whole these experiences (starting with my grandfather’s death in the 80s) have made me very suspicious of acute and end of life care. I was talking to my brother last night and I said, “when this happens to me just park me in a snowbank or shove me out on an ice floe.”

              Liked by 1 person

  13. Best wishes to your Dad, I hope he makes a speedy recovery.
    The BBC are reporting that Donald Trump has made a U turn but that everyone faces a huge task reuniting families.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the good wishes. One of the reunion deadlines falls today, but it’s unclear what will happen if they don’t meet it. And now they are pressuring people who have pending asylum claims to give them up and be deported in order to see their children more quickly.

      Like

  14. (((hugs)))

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Servetus – my thoughts are with you, and your dad! So sorry to hear about the stroke. I hope both he and you (!) are comfortable with the current arrangement! What you are doing is possibly the greatest gift a child could give their parent! It also sounds as if you literally saved his life by recognizing the symptoms and acting quickly. My best wishes to you, and my admiration for even in times of personal strain, stress and anxiety still thinking of others! What is currently happening is making me sick to my stomach. Literally. Where is the international community officially condemning these crimes against humanity, and putting pressure on the US government? We will burn, indeed!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Servetus, I will be thinking of you and your Dad. He is so lucky to have you. But having lost my father and having increasing responsibilities for my mother, I know that caregiving is tough on its best days. I also know it can be very hard on the caregiver physically as well as emotionally. I hope you will accept help BEFORE you think you need to – regardless of what your da says . In our experience the loved one sometimes says “No, I don’t need that/them” when it may be you who need the assistance. I hope your father has a steady, complete recovery. A big hug for you from here – and a prayer for your family.

    Liked by 1 person

    • We already had a moment like that — the Lions Club offered to build a ramp into the house and dad was “no, absolutely not” and I was like, “that might be really useful, let me get back to you.”Thanks for the good wishes.

      Like

  17. Sorry to hear about your dad. Thinking about you both. (((Hugs)))

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Hoffentlich geht es deinem Vater bald wieder besser und du kannst aufatmen. Es scheint, ihr hattet Glück im Unglück – dank deiner Geistesgegenwart.
    USA, Europa… jetzt müssen die, die anderer Meinung sind, aktiv werden.

    Liked by 1 person

    • There was an interesting article somewhere this week about how the main thing that people need to be doing now is paying attention — seems to apply in both settings. Thanks for the good wishes.

      Like

  19. Sending my sincerest wishes for a sucessful recovery for your Dad. Many healing prayers sent to you both for strength in the days ahead.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Sending love.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Sorry to hear about your dad S. Sending you hugs and my best wishes to him for a quick recovery.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Sending you all my love. Well done for getting him seen so quickly, it makes such a difference I’m sorry you had to fight to start with.

    I can’t quite believe what we are seeing but those childrens’ crys are heart breaking xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Als Alkoholiker-Tochter kann ich nur sagen: Viel Glück für dich.

    Für deinen Erzeuger: Kein Kommentar.

    Und jetzt sperr mich.
    Danke.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I really didn’t know what to say here — this comment exhausted me at the time and it exhausts me now. It made me avoid answering these comments because I didn’t want to deal with it. Two+ weeks later, I wonder why you’d write something like this. It’s hard for me to classify this as sympathy. I honestly don’t know what my father did to harm you. If you have issues with your own father, you should address that in the appropriate locations and not take it out on me.

      You know, two weeks ago Saturday was not the first time in my life that i had occasion to notice that my father is an alcoholic, wonder what the relationship to current events is, and wish that he weren’t. So on the one hand, assuming it is alcohol related, it’s correct that it’s nothing new. Perhaps his health would be better had he not been an alcoholic. That said, I personally don’t see illness as a moral matter. Everybody gets sick and dies. Everybody. Whether they live a “healthy” life or not. Sometimes the unhealthiest people live long lives and those who have been very careful with their health get cancer inxexplicably and die young. Dad has a family history of stroke and exactly the same thing could have happened to him without alcohol (and did happen to his father, repeatedly). Whatever you’ve been led to believe, no matter how healthy you think you are, you could die unexpectedly, and you WILL die.

      So maybe you should get over your judgmentality. You know about my family exactly what I tell you. You don’t have the whole picture. And you have NO right to judge.

      Like

  24. Sending you prayers, good thoughts, and peace at this difficult time. Hoping your dad makes a speedy recovery as much as is possible. We are here to listen if needed!!
    The political climate is a travesty. I keep telling my kids please fix this mess for us….

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the good wishes. I, too, am hopeful the millennials will decide to intervene, but so far it hasn’t happened.

      Like

  25. I am so glad your Dad pulled through and is on the road to recovery with you by his side – it must be so hard on you too, physically and emotionally. My Dad is also not doing well with Alzheimer relentlessly progressing – he is still so sweet and I see his fear – he seems so lost. I appreciate my time with him all the more now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sorry to hear about your dad — Alzheimer’s is disturbing to watch. I hope you can hang onto each other as long as possible.

      Like

  26. Sending good thoughts your way, Serv and healing thoughts for your dad.
    Hang in there, Pal.
    I’m pulling for you..

    Liked by 1 person

  27. My thoughts with you and your dad, Serv. Hopefully someone takes care of you, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. I will keep my fingers crossed for you and your father.

    As for the rest, I’m just so angry.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Sorry to hear about your dad. It is good that you new the early warning signs and you knew he was having a stroke. What helped my uncle is my aunt knew he was having a stroke and got the help he needed fast. Sorry that you had to get into it with a RN and a PA, they should have listened to you. I hope that if your dad needs different therapies that he gets what he needs to make a full recovery.

    The other matter the undo stress put on this families does not serve them well now or even in the future. There are ways to solve problems and this is not it.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. I am so sorry to hear about your father. I’m glad you were there for him and were able to be his advocate when he needed you most. I hope he makes a full recovery.

    As for the immigration issue, you have compassion for the situation and will be doing what you can under the circumstances. Even sending energy out into the universe is helping. Absolutely do not feel guilty that you’re unable to do more at this time. Those of us who can, will march on June 30th. If you have the time between all your other duties, maybe send out some good thoughts for the protestors. I’ll be protesting in Seattle, because it’s all I’m able to do right now. We all just try our best, and in the end, it’s all we can do.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. So sorry to hear that…
    Courage à toi et à ton papa, bien sûr.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. I had a feeling something had happened to keep you from posting. I hope your father knows of all the good wishes coming his way from your readers. I know you will take good care of him while he recovers, and please remember to take care of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Mi dispiace tantissimo per il tuo papà e anche per te. Fingers crossed for a full recovery.
    I still think your country has strong antibodies against dictatorship, stroger than us in europe for sure. Take care of you, (((hugs)))

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Sending positive thoughts and well wishes
    to you and your dad for his speedy recovery.
    You have a loving and devoted readership
    on your blog that are here for you. Please use
    us to vent, cry, scream if you need to.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Thinking of you Servetus and hoping that your dad now gets the best treatment possible.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. So sorry to hear about your Dad’s stroke. Thoughts and prayers for a good recovery. And I hope you are able to get a little bit of downtime for yourself.

    As an Australian I feel we have no right to criticise any other country’s treatment of refugees in light of our own refugee concentration camps which our government refuses to do anything about. However like everyone else with any shred of compassion I’m appalled at what’s happening in the US. Those poor children.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. All the best to your Dad! I hope he’ll make a full recovery.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. Ich denke an dich und wünsche dir viel Kraft!

    Liked by 1 person

  39. I second the person who suggested downtime. I hope your dad feels better and you find a great book or movie to get lost in for a while.

    Liked by 2 people

  40. How scary for both you and your father. He is so lucky that you were there and knew the signs and could advocate for him. There has been a big campaign here the last few years, with posters and commercials about FAST (face, arms, speech, time), helping people to recognize stroke. That initial time is so important. Best wishes for his full recovery. Take good care of yourself.

    As for those poor kids, it is just tragic and the lasting effects in their lives could be devastating. Good that the president had to back down somewhat, but we’ll see what it means in practice. I agree about the genocide direction. That is what was done to the indigenous population in Canada, with the residential schools and the ‘60’s swoop where kids were taken away and placed with white families. The effects continue through generations.

    Liked by 2 people

  41. I hope your father recovers to resume a fruitful life and Independent lifestyle; that he’ll be able to go fishing again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • So do I — it’s really astounding how many skills are involved in things like fishing. Although, I think he should easily be able to fish from a dock. We may have to start there.

      Like

  42. You and your Dad are in my thoughts!

    Liked by 1 person

  43. I wish your dad and you a lot of power and strength to bear this new situation and hope for a good recovery. I hope you have some help. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Praying for your dad and for you, dear….. even though you are exactly where you need to be, I hope it also helps to know that we will be here when you have a chance to catch up with us again. Take care of you ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • I really do appreciate having this outlet, even though I’ve had to neglect answering comments lately. Trying to get caught up!

      Liked by 1 person

  45. Good vibes being sent to your father and to you. Hoping he’s able to rebound quickly. And good on you for keeping to your guns with ER staff. Much love and coping hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  46. My thoughts are for you and your family. I know the anxiety and frustration you are experiencing. My mother suffer a stroke in February, nothing can prepare you for such a trauma. But, there is so much they can do for stroke patients and it is a miracle how the body can heal itself. He will bounce back, it takes time. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  47. Sorry to hear about your father. I hope he gets well soon.

    As for the children being held hostage for his dumb wall, this is the first time i feel compelled to protest . I am absolutely sick of what he has done to the country. When will this all end?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m starting to get worried. For a year I said, he’ll be removed at the end of his first term, but I’m not so sure now.

      Like

  48. i am sorry to hear about your dad.

    Liked by 1 person

  49. First, my thoughts are with you in caring for your father. I was two feet from mine when he had his stroke. It was not a beginning, it was just another step in the long process, already completed by my mother in an even longer process. Blog. Do whatever you can manage the energy for to retain some small part of you. You already know this. You’ve been preparing for it, easing into it for the last couple of years. Don’t lose yourself. It will be much harder to find yourself again when that time comes.
    Second, when I read Richard’s tweet, I knew instantly the context of it’s meaning, because I’ve been deep into the mud for the last two years. I do occasionally have to turn it off, and watch something else. I’ve become one of those people who talk back to, or yell at the TV. I’m in an almost constant state of anger and sorrow, and hope that things haven’t been destroyed to the point that we can never need the relationships we have with the rest of the world, or the damage done to the world itself. I know we’ve survived many things, but I also know this thing is different than they were. This isn’t a war, an attack, a depression, a natural disasters that we face together and come out stronger. This tears us apart at the seams, makes us look at friends, neighbors, for some family members differently, realizing they never we’re who we thought they were. We see that they actually look at the world in a completely different way than we do. We find it confusing, angering, saddening. Everything we thought we knew, was just a lie we’d been telling ourselves. I don’t know how we are going to heal from this. I don’t know how we come out stronger on the other side. I do know that I’m glad my parents are dead, and not seeing any of it. It would destroy them, especially my father I think, to see what is happening in this country. It is beyond anything they ever could have imagined as the worst thing that could happen politically and socially, and they saw a lot in their lifetimes.

    Like

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