Goodbye to 2018, hello to 2019, and thank you to readers

Richard Armitage while recording Wolverine: The Long Night

For me, most of 2018 was a year of hanging on. In the first half of the year, I taught three sections of two classes I’d never taught before, all in intense seven-week format, and I constantly had the feeling of being just a few minutes ahead of my students. And then just when I’d caught my breath and was thinking about what I wanted to do next, dad had his stroke, and then I was really hanging on for my life, for the first several weeks on an hour-to-hour basis. What seemed like it was just going to be a little thing turned into a bigger and bigger problem, as I gradually became not only responsible for dad’s medical care and health and therapy, but for his legal and financial affairs as well. When the fall term started and I taught F2F for the first time in over a year, things accelerated even more. And I’m about to teach a three-week intensive class I’ve never taught before, and the paperwork related to dad’s affairs has abated only slightly at this point, even if the structure for the next five years is in place. Things are better now than they were in the summer, but as things look now they will not get back to normal for a long time — if normal means the measure of independence that I still took for granted in May. I’ve learned a lot of hard lessons this year about who means it when they say “let me know if you need help,” and just how much responsibility I have that no one will take up if I let it fall.

So, as I mentioned, posting dropped off drastically after mid-June, down to the rate of 2012 or so, before The Hobbit gave us so much to talk about all the time. I’ve tried to keep at least somewhat up-to-date on commenting on others’ blogs, but it’s been catch as catch can. So many things I used to do here have fallen by the wayside (although perhaps some readers are happy not to hear so much comment on current catastrophes, I miss writing “slice of life” posts a lot). Why keep posting at all in a situation like this? Especially because in many cases — although I read and think about every comment — I don’t always manage to reply to all of them?

The answer is that knowing the blog is still here and there’s some reason to post on it makes me feel like there could be an “after” of all of this, that I could at some point come out on the other side, even if the earliest possible date for that seems like a long time away just now. As wretched as this year was personally (and politically, and professionally, and financially), somehow the blank page waiting for me makes me think that things could change sometime, and that there might be someone who’s looking for me who wants something other than a pill, a signature, or a decision I feel ill qualified to make. I don’t know how much I have to give, really, but I like to flatter myself that there’s still something left of me that isn’t subsumed in the roles of daughter, nurse, accountant, or professor. This place reminds me of that.

NIFF 2018 — another favorite image of mine from this year.

The question of Richard Armitage has been more complicated again since the week or so before Christmas. Frankly, my feelings there do not fit into the realm of conventional fandom any longer, if they ever did, and they are not especially positive at the moment. So I’ll leave that for now, with the hope that a little more time will heal a few wounds.

So the main thing I have to say to every fellow fan and reader of good will is: thanks for sticking with me through all of this. And thanks for helping me — every time you leave a comment or like a response — to believe that there will be an “after.” That is incredibly precious to me. (And I do have a folder with all the unanswered comments, and I do plan to keep working on them. It remains a real pleasure to me to receive them.)

Happy New Year 2019 (‘nen guten Rutsch to the Germanophones) and best wishes to all of you. Let’s hope 2019 backs off a little on the stress.

~ by Servetus on December 31, 2018.

62 Responses to “Goodbye to 2018, hello to 2019, and thank you to readers”

  1. Happy New Year to you also. Wishing health,prosperity and peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ha ha! That was my wish for 2019 – calm and stability. Even though our family had great joy this year along with great sorrow, i would appreciate keeping to the middle ground for a while

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    • Yes. I want nothing “interesting” to happen this year.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I second the call for an uninteresting year! Hoping for a permanent job, access to dental and healthcare for myself and everybody else who needs these things as well. But other than that? I wish us all a very boring year to come! Except maybe some fun movies and tv shows to look forward to. And hopefully, a lot of Richard Armitage on screen for us to gaze upon!

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        • LOL. Benefits for everyone! I can sign on for that, even though it would be exciting. Best wishes for your job search.

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  3. Sufficit diei malitia sua, do don’t overthink. Your dad need a sane and healthy daughter, and you need help. And please, never cook for that old witch, anymore! I whish you a lot of luck, prosperity and love. Happy new year!

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  4. Happy New Year! Szczęśliwego Nowego Roku!

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  5. Here’s hoping for a ‘nothing interesting happening’ 2019 for you. I’m also hoping that the events of the last month have brought things to a head and that things might now start to improve in terms of help, boundaries, expectations etc..

    For the world I hope for less extremism – more peace and harmony and for a more moderate discourse to emerge. For more fairness, understanding and altruism. And for you and all your readers I wish for peace, friendship and a gentle 2019.

    And for Richard Armitage I’m hoping for a juicy role we can all get to see and enjoy ( where he has a British accent and doesn’t die!)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks, and best wishes to you, too. Given our political situation, the beginning of the year looks to start off with the opposite of everything I’d prefer in terms of extremism, etc., but I hope that the world will wake up to what’s happening and step back a little — soon. Something we can all pray for. And I certainly hope Armitage gets a great role this year.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Happy New Year! and: “Keep the ears stiff!” as one says in best Denglisch ;-P

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  7. The comment about ‘ if there is anything I can do, let me know” should never be spoken unless you are truly willing to do it. I would never offer if I did not mean it. It is amazing that you have posted like you did and I look forward to readinfg your posts. A blessed and peaceful 2019 to you and to all who need it.

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    • The thing that is starting to enrage me is the people who say “just let me know” and then they turn you down, but say “ask me again another time.” And then I ask another time and they repeat the whole thing. Aaaargh.

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  8. I found this blog a couple of month ago and I am still catching up with all the former years (it’s a looooot, yeees)
    I want to thank you for all the fun your writings gave me the past two month. I love your writing style.
    Really hope 2019 is a good year for you, with less worries and more good news. ¡Feliz año nuevo! from Uruguay.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the comment and welcome! I’m always pleased when someone finds the “back catalog” interesting. I hope you and Uruguay have a great year in 2019 as well!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Happy New Year to you, Serv!! Hope 2019 is a more easy-going year for you.

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  10. Cheers, Serv. Hope you have a nice bottle of beer tucked away there to enjoy tonight.

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    • I did have a bottle of Weyerbacher Blithering Idiot, but I was so tired. So instead I drank a bottle of hopped grapefruit kombucha and went to bed at ten. I hope your evening was more exciting than mine.

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  11. Here’s to nothing much happening in 2019. You did incredibly well for hanging on the past year and to be honest although i was unable to keep up just seeing new posts and checking in when i saw the page pop up made me feel like normal life is out there. You did way better than me but i still hope for some normality sometime/ someday.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. As a relative newbie I do genuinely want to say thank you for your blog. I just like the fact it’s about you. I mean it’s about Richard but it’s about your relationship to the phenomenon of the Armitage which I love because it’s truthful and blunt -bit like me 😉
    I hope this year improves for you and we have your back x

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad you’re here (and that we dinosaurs haven’t scared you away yet). Happy new year to you, too, and thanks for being there.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I like to think of you as the candle 🕯 lighter. You light us one by one and we turn and pay it forward. I hope you bathe in the warmth of all the fires you’ve started from time to time. Don’t worry about not commenting! We know what heart to run to if we get blown out. I hope you know too! Much love and many heartfelt blessings coming your way in that cold wind from North Dakota😘.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Wow — thanks. If I’ve gotten anyone to write, I think that’s really due to something that was waiting in that person all along, but I’m grateful for the compliment!

      Stay warm on your trip home.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Sorry I haven’t been catching up with you for awhile. I didn’t know about your father’s stroke. Here’s hoping that 2019 is much kinder to you and your family and that your work life becomes more fulfilling and lucrative!
    No worries about not being the greatest RA superfan —that you manage to keep up your blog and still know what’s going on in the fandom is a marvel to me!
    All the best to you Servetus!

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    • I’ve kind of kept it out of the explicit level of my RL FB for various reasons, so no reason you would know unless you were reading it here, where I unburden myself more.

      I think what’s uncomfortable at the moment is that I feel like I don’t really like Richard Armitage very much, even though my fantasy life is tied up with him and obviously I write this blog. I need to figure out better how to deal with that.

      Happy new Year to you, too, fellow RA fan dinosaur! 🙂

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  15. Thank you for sharing your journey this year. I really admire how even with the many challenges in your life, you did your utmost to stay the course and do what was best for your family (even when it meant the sacrifice of your own personal needs) and with that you carried the load pretty much alone. I don’t comment often but please know I have been quietly rooting for you and keeping you in my prayers. I hope that 2019 brings you a more peaceful and stress-free year. Wishing you all the best and looking forward to enjoying your blog in the months ahead. Happy New Year, Serv.

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    • I appreciate the support and prayers and the recognition that I am really trying. I hope you have a good new year, too!

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  16. I hope that whatever normal becomes for your family that it is less stressful on you as the primary caregiver to your dad. Hopefully 2019 will find you with some quality time to get away and enjoy something that you really enjoy. You can look back on 2018 as you made it though the rough times and have come out the other side.
    I am waiting to finally see 2019, as I have been waiting for sometime. One more semester of fieldwork ( get to put into action what I have learned in the past 3 semesters of school and hopefully pass the 2 fieldworks and yes people do fail and there is no going back to do a redo). One online class of ethics and graduation in May with my second son from college. Nine days later my youngest son will graduate high school. 2018 really taught me to dig deep and don’t give up even when I was in a large hole, with taking in one step (remember those baby steps) at a time I can and will claw my way out and be better for it. I had to do it twice and the last time one week before the end of the last semester.
    Don’t think that writing about having to deal with your dad’s stroke as something that has not help others because it has. As an Occupational Therapy Assistant (OTA) I also need to ask the caregiver there take on things at home. Thank you for your thoughts and I am sure they help you by just writing what you are feeling. Boy I am long winded today.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I guess it probably doesn’t do much good for me to wish you a peaceful 2019 as it sounds like it will be a seriously momentous year for you. I am confident that you will do just fine on fieldwork.

      I often wonder if my perceptions of the situation are accurate — a lot of the time it’s just me. But this is a lot harder than I realized it would be when I decided to do it. The OT and PT people we had were really great, I thought, they were exceptionally helpful and I don’t know how we’d have gotten this far without them. They were always thinking of good solutions to things. I’m sure you will be great at it.

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      • One of the things that as OTA’s we have worked at is planning treatment sessions. It some ways it is like teaching a school lesson. At first the time you put into it is a lot, then it gets easier. We need to be ready to change our plans if they don’t work to something new if needed. I don’t know about PT but as OT they really want us to think outside the box and be always thinking of something different. Theory is also big, what theory you are going to use for the intervention. I already have a go to theory that I like. I go tour the hospital that I will be at for the first 8 weeks, lucky for me it is my local one and will get to live at home during that time. Well I hope it is lucky as I still have homework and will have to explain to my husband and son how it works with homework. The next 8 weeks I will be back at the apartment and drive 2 hours a day to the site. I do have a cousin and oldest sons girlfriend to crash at if the weather is bad and can’t drive home. Also get a classmate that lives there too.

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  17. Happy New Year Serv! Here’s hoping your 2019 is much more peaceful and a lot less stressful for you. You’ve been through a lot this past year, but you’ve made it out the other side — you’re stronger than you possibly know. Love & hugs from Georgia!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Thank you for all of your posts, wether they be what’s happening to you personally or it be about Richard. I hope your 2019 will be less stressful!

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  19. Prosit Neujahr! Hoffentlich hattest du einen guten Rutsch.
    Ich hoffe, dass sich deine Sehnsucht nach Ruhe und Unaufgeregtheit erfüllen möge und schließe mich diesen Wünschen gleich an. Alles Gute für dich und Gottes Segen.

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  20. Happy holidays everyone! Peace and prosperity to all of us, to RA, to the world! Ameen

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  21. Wishing you a very happy and better new year Servetus. Your comment, about the comments, struck a chord with me. When I was looking after my ill mother, your blog, and others, Armitage world and the man himself, kept me going through some hard times, and provided a space that was my own. Us fellow fans are here for you and there will be an after life .

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  22. Hugs ❤

    I visit your blog at least one every week, and while I don’t really know you, I’ve come to care about the person I think I’ve gotten to know at least a little through your writings. I don’t really know what to say regarding the place you are in at the moment with your dad, these things are so difficult. I haven’t been in your shoes exactly, even though I have similar experiences. I just hope that you will “keep a piece of yourself”, because you can give and give up to a point, but it’s so important to take care of yourself as well. Of course you’ve heard that a million times before I’m sure.

    I have no magic words that will make everything better, I don’t feel I’m very good with words at all alas. I wish I had them for you. These situations just – really – suck. Really test you.

    But I know that just knowing one is not totally alone with everything, and all ones thoughts, that really can make a difference… at least it does for me.
    I’m glad a part of you sees a time in the future when things will be easier again.
    I hope things will improve for you and with your family.
    Greetings from Sweden / Eilenna

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    • I really appreciate the comment and the ympathy — and you’re right that the worst thing can be to be alone with one’s thoughts (something I never thought I would say). I’m glad you’re here — and happy new year to you, too!

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  23. Wishing you a more peaceful year ahead, Serv.

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  24. Happy new year! I hope 2019 has good things in store for you! 🙂

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  25. Happy New Year to you, too! I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you! 😀

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    • Same here. You’re not actually a fan of Richard Armitage, are you? I am trying to remember how we started commenting on each other’s blogs.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m not. I love your book reviews, reactions to whatever you’re experiencing, and just hearing what you have to say about whatever you’re feeling passionate about at the moment. I’m not sure that the subject matter is important. My husband was a physics major and I was an art major the first time through school. Then we both went back for math. I probably wouldn’t have gone to a science museum and he wouldn’t have gone to an art museum, at least not frequently, but love them now after seeing things through each other’s eyes for so long.

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  26. Ich hoffe Du bist gut reingerutscht und den Wunsch nach einem ereignislosen 2019 unterstützte ich voll und ganz!!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Do Siego Roku ! (((Serv))):*

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  28. Hope 2019 brings a little more peace for you and glad you’re still hanging on here. 🙂
    A belated happy new year to you!

    Like

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