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I made an appointment with a geriatric care manager. I hope she can help me / us figure out how to keep going.
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I hope so too, Serv. Sending you hugs across the miles.
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It’s a good thing, and it seems very helpful and sensible. With so many tasks a coordinator can really be a rational solution! Big hugs!
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Sounds like a reasonable decision. Hang in there ❤
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That sounds very sensible. Fingers crossed she can help. Hugs.
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More power to you. My dad has flat out rejected that idea for my mom.
I hope things have eased up a bit for you.
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I hope she will help you lots!
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When we need our finances checked, we talk to our bank manager. It is only logical that we should do the same when we need help with other challenging tasks. Good call! Hope she will identify areas of improvement – and make your life as a carer easier!
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Fingers crossed. Night before last I decided I had to ask my brother for a weekend off; he rebuked me and told me that if I can’t handle the situation dad will have to go to a nursing home. I thought afterwards, there must be some middle way between asking for a weekend for myself and dad going to live elsewhere. Then a bunch of stuff happened yesterday and when i called my brother to explain what happened, he said “you need to step up, every other person on the planet deals with reality” and I had had it. I said, “Maybe every other person is tougher or smarter or harder working than I am, but I am the only one who is here.” Then I said, if that is really your position, we have to spend the summer getting ready to sell the house so dad can go. Because I can’t do this almost completely by myself.
So we’ll see.
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I am so sorry that this happening to you. My sister recommended last weekend a nursing home for our mom b/c my dad had two massive meltdowns and she announced she cannot handle our mom as primary care giver. There just doesn’t seem to be a happy medium here with you or with us! I don’t have any right words to say here but hang in there and do what you feel is the best thing for your mental and physical health and hopefully your dad’s. It’s a heartbreaking situation but you are not alone..
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Sorry to read this.
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“Step up”?!?!? Seems to me that the one who needs to step up is your brother. You’ve been shouldering the majority of the care & he needs to help.
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Oh man, is he for real???? Or maybe I am getting it completely wrong, but whatever is he reproaching you for????? I am in serious SPM (Servetus Protection Mode) here. The cheek and ignorance of that brother huffs. From where I am standing, it looks as if he would have given up long ago. And maybe selling the house and having your dad looked after in a nursing home is just what he wants? I hope you’ll find a solution – with the help of the care professional – that will be good for you and your dad. (Your brother can look after himself.)
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🙂 Servetus, you are the only one having both feet firmly on the ground and head on shoulders. Be proud of yourself!
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Caring full time for a parent is a difficult task on so many levels. When I didn’t get the support I asked for from my siblings, it made me frustrated and resentful that they sat back and let me carry the responsibility alone. Since it doesn’t look like your brother is acknowledging your struggle, I think it is worth pursuing this idea to meet with a professional. It will be great if she can zero in on some options of support that will help give you some relief and benefit your Dad as well. Good luck and I hope you have a positive meeting.
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A very wise thing to do for your own well being and since your brother doesn’t seem to care you have to do what is best for you. Remember we all need help at one time or another and my blessings for someone who is wise and helps you in the way you need.
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I just talked to her — we will have another appointment next week, then she will come to meet dad. We’ll see how it goes — maybe she will be able to get through to either dad or my brother, but in any case she will be blunt about it and maybe that will help us move forward.
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It would be really good if she can make your brother (and your father) understand that you are not superhuman. I must say the more I hear of your brother the more I’d love to punch him on the nose. Step up, indeed. Ye gods. 😡 More hugs.
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His life is not easy, and he does a lot of good stuff (like yesterday, he repaired a leak in our shower). And he doesn’t want dad to have to leave the house either. (One consequence of dad leaving this house is that my brother would have to make clear to my father that living out there with him is not an option either.) I think to some extent he feels hamstrung — he doesn’t have the time to do what he wants, he couldn’t spend so many hours a day with dad, his wife refuses, and so he’s dependent on me, and right now I’m the squeaky wheel and his response is to be angry about that.
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This geriatric care manager sounds like a great idea. I hope she has some really good suggestions and approaches to getting you some much-needed respite and support. It’s too bad that your brother’s situation won’t allow him to be more supportive of your very reasonable needs. I do hope that things get better for you. I’m glad you got to go to the movies, at least.
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I think we’ve had a lot of great advice — what I’m missing at the moment is how to get dad to go along with any of it. This woman has a good reputation for that, supposedly. I’m starting to think that we are going to have to do a few things whether or not he wants to go along.
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A “senior-whisperer”! I’m sure it’s really hard for your dad to admit even to himself that he needs help or needs to change the way he does things. But at the same time, you also have to be able to save yourself. I hope that she is able to help you come up with the appropriate solutions.
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Today was a day with another horrible moment that went on for hours– but she did help me a lot yesterday and if I hadn’t been careless I wouldn’t ahve run into the problem I ran into today. I think she’s going to be really useful, even if I’m the primary person she manages to influence.
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Oh no! That’s really too bad. I know you feel you were careless, but the situation isn’t of your making and I don’t think you can possibly keep all the balls in the air at the same time. But that’s great if she gives you some techniques that will help you deal with what you need to deal with. I hope you find that it gets better from here. Is your dad still progressing in his recovery or has it really reached a plateau?
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This sounds good! Hope it will help you figure out how to organize care in the future.
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[…] I had the meeting with the geriatric care manager (I think I’m going to call her the GCM) and it was pretty helpful. She has a few ideas […]
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A shrew about the floor: or, I have to write this down because I feel like crying again | Me + Richard Armitage said this on April 14, 2019 at 7:01 pm |