Why we can’t talk enough about #stayathome

(and yes, I realize there are some people who can’t. I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to people who have the luxury of being able to retreat. And if you are staying at home, feel free to shut the window now.)

My father is 78, has heart disease, and moderate (stage 3) kidney disease. He is a stroke survivor. In the months since the stroke he has lost 20 percent of his body weight. He totters when he stands. He is considered medically frail and he has been legally medically incapacitated.

If you don’t want to read what’s happened this week, here’s the punch line: as much as you can control what you do, you have no control over the actions of other people.

1. On Sunday, I took dad to church for the first time in months (long backstory there that I won’t get into). It was “Founders’ Sunday” and my parents moved here a few weeks after the church charter was signed. They were members 36 and 37 and he held every office in the congregation: trustee, usher, director, congregation president. He was the guy they called when the septic tank didn’t work, back when they still had one. The pastor sent him a personal letter asking him to come, so against my better judgment, we went. As we entered, a greeter told us that we should not touch anyone or shake hands, distance ourselves in the pews from other congregants, and that Lord’s Supper had been prepared with extra care to make sure no one touched the elements or the trays (we don’t have common cup). It was a good experience for dad as some of the previous pastors came back, and because he was a frequent figure in the slide show they showed, and because there were many other people who had been earlier church members there (who have moved away in the interval).  After church, one of these people – who’d been in New York City – came up to him and gave him a firm handshake before I could intervene, and said, “I’m not afraid of a little virus, are you?”
2. Flower’s granddaughter teaches English in a school in South Korea (I’m not sure which city). Yesterday, she finally made it home (not sure about the path). South Korea has been on strict measures since mid-January (some details). Still, instead of self-isolating for fourteen days after coming back on an international flight, she came in to Flower’s house to give grandma (who’s 80, and also medically frail, and who hasn’t left her own house in months except to go to the doctor because she’s in so much pain she can barely walk) a BIG HUG! While dad was there. Dad said to me himself that he thought it was idiotic and assured me that he had no contact with the granddaughter. He doesn’t want to go there now until he knows the granddaughter is not sick. Really unfortunate, because it was his only remaining daily outing / social exchange, and Flower’s, too.

So yeah. You think you’re being careful, but in the end you can’t be, because people like Evangeline Lilly or my dad’s old friend or Flower’s granddaughter go out in public WHEN THEY DON’T HAVE TO (and in Lilly’s case, send their Petri-dish-like children out in public to mix it up a little) and spread viruses around and you don’t know who else they are touching or whether they are washing their hands or when.

In case you think I’m “hysterical,” one person who didn’t bother to take the recommended health measures basically gave the infection to half of Uruguay.

As much as he often aggravates me, I don’t want dad to die. Elderly and ill people are most at risk, and today the US government even admitted in public that the mortality right is twice as high for men as for women. Dad’s the person who’d be given a black wristband if we had to take him to the hospital. And due to the medical incapacitation, I as his agent would have to be in the hospital with him to the greatest extent possible.

To those who say “it’s just a bad flu,” please be aware that no medical professionals think that. Also, I had the “swine flu” when it coursed here about a decade ago — one person on the campus I was employed at died — and it was the sickest I’ve ever been. I coughed so hard that I shit myself — repeatedly.

So we’re staying at home except for essential trips (at this point, groceries, which are curbside pickup, and pharmacy — although I’m in process of switching us to prescriptions in the mail, because I went to the pharmacy today and when I asked politely for someone to stay six feet away from me, she cursed me out) and those where we can guarantee that we will meet no people. We will patronize businesses where we can pick up based on whether they have published their health measures.

Yes, we are doing this because we can. But if we can, why shouldn’t we? I know one elderly fellow fan who’s not letting her children visit even when they’re in the same city for some other reason just to protect herself and the public’s health. Why wouldn’t you do your part in a situation like this?

So yeah. STAY THE FUCK AT HOME. And if I know you’re not when you could, as little as it matters what I think, I’ll call you out for it. Abusively, if necessary. I don’t ever say (perhaps out of raising, perhaps out of superstition) “I hope you die.” But if you contribute materially to my father’s unnecessary death: I HOPE YOU DIE.

~ by Servetus on March 20, 2020.