Four things four times (days 3, 4, 5 and 6)

Third, fourth, fifth and sixth days of Passover. I was too tired to write Tuesday and Wednesday I was thinking about April Fools’ and yesterday I was exhausted again. I’m listing that as the first thing.

***

A week ago, I rented an airBnb for June and July, as a “just in case” measure. It’s just a room with shared kitchen and bathroom, and it’s 50% refundable before June 1. I also started looking at houses yesterday. I am not a motivated buyer and the local real estate market is in an insane state. Given how uncertain I am that I want to own a house (or even a condo), I lack both the personality or the impulse to participate in bidding wars.

Today I looked at a house on a different part of the same road I grew up on. This is the first one I’ve seen that would be a possibility. I’m not emotionally ready for this step quite yet, although if I’m going to do this I’m going to need to get myself there pretty quick. This house will probably be under contract by Monday at 5 p.m., at 25 percent over asking.

What struck me while I was there: Tthere are seven houses on that part of the street — a farmer sold out in 1970 and a cluster sprung up there. At one time I knew five of the families. Collars, Paschkes, Steeles, Kettners, Blecks (we were kissing cousins to the Blecks, dad did a lot of the work in that house, and if that one had come on the market I would have bought it immediately). Mrs. Collar was mom’s emergency babysitter when HL was little, and I was in school and in church with the Paschkes’, Steeles’, and Kettners’ kids. They’ve all moved away now. Us too, in eight weeks.

***

In the last two days, I have also ordered for dad: a twin bed (mattress, foundation, frame, headboard), bed clothes (mattress cover, mattress pads, sheets, blankets), towels (five bath, twenty hand, twenty washclothes), a very compact reclining chair, a wall mount for his Smart TV, and diverse toiletries and other supplies.

Somehow ordering towels online has become really complicated. My decision fatigue is at a near all-time high.

***

I still need to get a bunch of things including some new clothes and smaller furniture, but I think it’s going to require me showing dad in person that his current stuff will not actually fit in that room. So HL will have to be involved.

***

After the last episode when dad narrowly missed being phone scammed, I decided to try to transition him to a GrandPad. I had resisted it really for two years, even though the caregiver coach felt strongly this step would solve our problems. My main issue was the level of autonomy he’d lose. But the advantage of the GrandPad over the Jitterbug is that the GrandPad only accepts calls from a pre-approved list; additionally, it has an Internet blocking tool and will only go to pre-approved sites. (There are other advantages — it gets along without passwords, so I won’t have to jump in after dad locks himself out of his various accounts on the computer anymore, either.)

All of this is contingent on his willingness to cooperate. Either that, or his capacity to understand. I’m still trying to figure the difference between those things out.

Theoretically, if dad could follow the basic principle of not answering the phone if you don’t recognize the number, he could keep the Jitterbug. (The computer is a separate issue — a lot of the scams he’s fallen into involve him typing something he wants into the computer, taking the price he likes best, and then typing his credit card number in.)

The last episode: We’d watched a news alert on the local news about how people were being hit with a scam where the caller claims to be from Amazon, says that you’ve been charged an astronomical amount, and they’re checking to make sure it’s a legit charge — and then they ask for an Amazon password. Not twenty minutes after we saw the alert, dad got a call on his Jitterbug from just such a scammer. First, he answered it (don’t answer a number you don’t recognize! All your regular callers are programmed into the directory!). Then he said, oh, yes, I’ll get on that, I’ll have to ask my daughter for the password. Then he turned to me and accused me of getting scammed and insisted I give him the Amazon password.

This is the thing that flummoxes me about this kind of situation over and over again — he’s suspicious of my financial activities, but a total stranger calls him on the phone and he’s ready to give away the farm.

I told him it was a scam, and he insisted I needed to give him the password, and I said I wasn’t going to and he should hang up the phone. Eventually, after about three more attempts at convincing me to share the password, he gave up.

The conversation that ensued was not pleasant, and I didn’t lose it but I came close. You need to ignore calls if you don’t recognize the number, I repeated — at least five times. He said that if he did that he would miss important calls. I asked him what important calls he had missed this year because of doing that and he couldn’t name any. Finally I said — if you want to help people steal money from you — be my guest — and I left the room.

And this is another obstacle I fall over again and again. My default assumption is that he’s capable of rationality.He always presents his behavior as normal: I’m the one who’s crazy. He doesn’t have to do what I say.

When we went to look at beds, he got three nuisance calls while we were in the store, two of them while we were talking to a salesperson, and he actually yelled at me to shut up while he was listening to a recording about a car warranty.

It finally hit me: if the phone rings, everything else turns off. He can’t make a rational judgment about accepting a call or not. He can only answer.

I’m not to the point (and can’t imagine I will ever be) where I’d deprive him of a phone just to keep him from being scammed. At the same time, the amount of energy required to clean up after he has been phished (not to mention the money) is non-trivial.

So we’ll try the GrandPad. At least that way, everyone who calls him will be someone known to him and me. As it has a tablet / smartphone set up, I hope he can manage it. We had actually switched him back to the Jitterbug because he had struggled with the smartphone, even before the stroke.

***

In the same vein, we’re going to try a pre-paid card debit for him. At least if he falls victim to the scam, the financial damage will be limited (and I won’t have to spend hours on the phone).

***

Next week’s film for “History Goes to the Movies” is Persepolis (2007). I found the graphic novel fascinating (Satrapi is six months younger than me, and I remember the Iranian Revolution pretty vividly, as it was on TV every night for months).

***

I did not cook for Passover and I will not cook for Easter. I ordered an Easter dinner for two from a local supermarket. I am craving this. Also this, but with Tafelspitz. Next year in _______?

***

The testimonies so far at the George Chauvin trial are heartbreaking. If we can’t agree, regardless of our politics, or of the larger political context, that Chauvin murdered George Floyd, we’re really in trouble.

***

Dad and I are both deep into the Easter candy already. What’s your favorite? I like just about anything Lindt makes.

***

This week Wednesday is Moderna #2. Hopefully the side efAfter April 21: haircut! movies! However, the case counts are creeping up here again. So who knows.

***

Dad really loves Penn & Teller Fool Us. We watch it religiously. I find myself oddly fascinated by Teller.

***

The 2017 Howard’s End is on PBS on demand, so I’m going to try it. I’m not sure it’s a great idea to be a watching a darama about a house. And my attention span has been more Escape to the Chateau lately. But the music seems to be getting through my shell.

~ by Servetus on April 3, 2021.