The fling list

(Stolen by way of Esther. This was a lot easier than “Marry Me”!)

Name six sexy fictional characters you wouldn’t mind diving in bed with.

Incidentally, re: one night stands, I’m a serial monogamist (when I’m in a relationship I am faithful to one partner and expect that to be reciprocated), but at other times, I have engaged in casual sex, albeit infrequently. In defense of casual sex I will say: there’s something great about leaving the burden of history and identity behind and just thinking about pleasure. Also, since there is also by definition no future, you can be a lot less picky about who you choose. Aside from strong sexual attraction, the key to a successful one night stand is to be on the same page emotionally as your partner. (To this end, in my opinion, it’s a good idea to choose someone who is not all that emotionally available.) All in all, I guess that what I’m saying is that I am a fan of casual sex without having done it all that often. Whatever floats your boat (given consenting adults, no disease transmission).

So, on to the list. These are in no particular order.

First, I’m with Esther on Porter.

Richard Armitage as Porter under Danni’s (Shelly Conn) scrutiny in Strike Back 1.1. I discussed this image extensively a long time ago.

To me this seems ideal, actually, as you know he’ll be gone soon and emotional involvement can only lead to pain. Despite the “frustrated family man” story line of the first episodes, it’s hard to me to see Porter wanting to be the kind of guy who takes out the trash every Thursday night. Not unless it involved parachuting into the front yard and defusing a bomb attached to the lid of the can. Slight caveat: I would never have sex with book John Porter. Only screen John Porter.

Second, Mr. Spock.

Mr Spock (Leonard Nimoy) struggles with the pon farr in ST:TOS (“Amok Time”). I wrote about my teenage platonic Spock love here.

If you can only have sex once every seven years, but then you can’t avoid it, it’s gotta be good, right? But seriously: although I’m definitely one for the cerebral types, someone with an everyday inclination to find scientific problems more interesting than his romantic partner is not great relationship material. I dated a physicist for a while; I can tell you stories.

Third, Father Ralph de Bricassart.

Richard Chamberlain and Rachel Ward in a publicity image for The Thorn Birds. Richard Chamberlain was “My first Richard.”

There’s something about that soutane. But again, this is someone whose first love is the Church (or maybe G-d), so you’re never going to get anything but the crumbs. But such tasty crumbs! On an island off the coast of Australia. By the time the sand starts scratching, it’s already just a pleasant memory. Important tip: TO KEEP IT JUST A MEMORY, USE BIRTH CONTROL.

Fourth, Ross Poldark.

Aidan Turner as Ross Poldark. I really want to play with those curls.

In my defense I will say this is not just about Aidan Turner; I have read all the books in the series now. (Although I’d never have read twelve novels of 500 pp each without Aidan Turner’s prompting.) Ross is the impulsive type, but we all know — even if he doesn’t — that he really loves someone else. Also, he’s always on the coach to London or paddling across the English Channel or whatever. This is the kind of guy who’d be a pain in the ass as a husband, but as a little bit of dessert on the side? Perfect. And I think Aidan Turner has the sexy stare down pat.

Fifth, Hawk from the Spenser novels.

Avery Brooks as Hawk (photo from the 1990s).

Hawk is Spenser’s sidekick (and foil) in the Spenser novels, which I started reading at the suggestion of my freshman English teacher in high school — before the TV series (which I also enjoyed, and which introduced me to Avery Brooks. Hawk is the height of cool, but also a person completely without morals beyond his loyalty to certain individuals. The point in the novels seems to be that the thing that separates from Spenser from Hawk is conscience. (This is primarily important as an element of genre — Robert Parker was consciously channel Raymond Chandler — but it’s interesting on an emotional level, I find.) Spenser is not really emotionally available, either, but as he has a moral code, he has certain attractions. In the books both of them sleep around, but Spenser has girlfriends as opposed to sexual partners.

Proof that this is about Hawk and not Avery Brooks? I’d put Captain Sisko on this list (also played by Brooks), but he’s a widower and extremely emotionally vulnerable on that level (although not as a soldier).

And finally, Dwalin.

Graham McTavish as Dwalin.

This is the only one I feel slightly bad about — insofar as #1-4 are all people who are not really relationship material anyway. I think the loyal Dwalin could be. However, my long-term relationship heart belongs to the probably-emotionally-unavailable Thorin Oakenshield. There could be something great about an extensive encounter with the beard, the tattoos, and the sheer mass and energy of Dwalin. Although I personally don’t need heavy weapons to get off, some people apparently enjoy axe-play in bed.

OK, that’s it! Sweet dreams!

~ by Servetus on July 16, 2021.