Thorins meet Thorntons

Someone who probably wants to remain unnamed asked me if she could send me a New Year’s gift. Our lives and the postal services being how they are, it arrived this week. The gifter obviously was inspired by our conversation about the relative merits of Thorntons Chocolates as a Christmas present.

I was incredibly delighted when I got it open, but quite a saga ensued in my office. (Apologies for the poor photo editing, as I know it will wound you in particular, gifter — I was trying to document events while they were going down. And please understand this post as a “thank you very much!”)

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I opened the package and what did I find inside?

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OMG! SO cool! But there was a little problem. See if you can figure out what it was.

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Explanatory diagram of items on Servetus’ desk, for purposes of reference.

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Too much work, making me feel guilty?

Nah, I always have that.

It was one of those impossible-to-open safety seals!!!

I looked for my scissor. No dice. I looked at my finger nails. Bitten to the quick. Weren’t gonna cut it.

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Lego mini-Thorin, slightly out of focus because he’s so eager to help me.

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But all of a sudden, I heard a tiny yell.

“I will help you!” proclaimed Lego mini-Thorin. “I will rend that safety seal asunder!”

“Are you sure?” I asked doubtfully. “You’re kind of sm–“

But before I could begin speaking, Lego mini-Thorin vaulted up the pile of books and practically assaulted the Thorntons box with his sword.

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It did take him some effort.

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In fact, I was a little afraid it would knock him on his ass.

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Thank heavens for sticky safety seals to hang one’s sword from, or I’m not sure he’d have managed it.

But finally, he got the unbelievably-difficult-to-open safety seal free, and with a little help from me, he swung himself onto the paper cushioning.

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Lego mini-Thorin manages to summit the Thorntons Chocolates package. Photo a bit unfocused because he was breathing so hard …

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“Thank you, sir,” I said to him, and proceeded to help myself to some chocolates. Mmmmm.

They are just as good as everyone’s been saying! I thought. OK, maybe not as good as sex with Mr. Thornton, but I can actually *have* the chocolates, which is a point very strongly in their favor.

And then I heard a very tiny cough.

“Oh,” I said, “I’m sorry, Lego mini-Thorin. Are you sick? I know there are some cough drops here somewhere left over from last week, when I was still coughing out the end of the flu.” I started rummaging around on the desktop.

And then I heard a very emphatic throat clearing, and Lego mini-Thorin LEAPT …

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…over to the the plastic packaging around the candy.

“It’s only fair,” he said, extending his tiny plastic hand demonstratively toward the chocolates.

He’s probably right, I thought. So I told him he could have any piece he liked.

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Like all dwarves, Lego mini-Thorin is greedy, and he glued his eyes to the very biggest piece!

“None of that creamy, truffly stuff for me,” he declared. “I want the real thing!”

Unfortunately, it was bigger than him, and it knocked him over.

I was just puzzling about whether to offer him assistance — I didn’t want to wound his pride — when I heard a clatter and a whoosh!

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WETA Workshop or WETA Worship Thorin? Hmmmm.

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It’s WETA Thorin. He’s always so quiet and focused that you never know what he’s going to do, but he must have been watching this whole time!

And had his eye on the chocolate in the red foil covering!

He swung right in and claims it with Orcrist, piercing right to the soft center!

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I was stunned both by his ferocity and the determination with which he silently eyed the red foil-covered delicacy.

I sat stock-still, rooted to my chair, waiting to see what would happen.

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Lego mini-Thorin is not distracted by the cough drops package, even though some people think cherry and chocolate go very well together.

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Not so Lego mini-Thorin. He was immediately in the game, brandishing his sword, and before I knew it …

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He’d squirmed his way up Thorin’s body to the hilt of Orcrist, using his much-maligned medieval halberd to help him …

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…and then he started to slide down Orcrist toward the red foil-covered chocolate. WETA Thorin seemed mesmerized by the tiny Lego figure’s movements and unable to move Orcrist to shake him off!

WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN??!?

A tiny cracking noise reached my ears, as the chocolate and Lego mini-Thorin fell to the surface of the desk together.

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At first, I feared for his life!

“Lego mini-Thorin!” I called out anxiously. “Are you all right?”

“That was nothing!” he said. “You should have seen me in Goblin Town!”

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I had no need to worry. For Lego mini-Thorin rose, yelled the dwarvish battle cry, and ran the red foil-covered chocolate through, just as WETA Thorin had a few moments earlier!

It was so thick that it lifted him off his tiny little plastic feet.

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“Oh, sweetie,” I say, “let me help you. It tastes a lot better unwrapped.”

I’m sure he was happy I unwrapped it for him — even though he only has two facial expressions, and neither is a smile — because I thought I saw a tiny little Lego mini-Thorin sized nibble, near his sword, later on.

WETA Thorin was, as always, impressively silent.

Chocolate may be the next best thing to Erebor, I thought. Or while we’re waiting to hear from Erebor.

~ by Servetus on February 23, 2013.