Waking fantasy on the last morning in town

Lucas North (Richard Armitage) in his own nightmare in Spooks 8.4. Source: RichardArmitageNet.com

I wake up, and S7 Lucas, he of the bizarre behavior the last few days, is in bed with me.

I roll over to face him, and he buries his face in my bosom.

“Whoa,” I say. “I almost never have sex with you in my fantasies, and when I do, it’s in your season 9 incarnation. And it’s Porter who almost always appears for morning sex. You offer too much angst for the beginning of the day. It tires me out, dealing with your damage. I can only really handle you when I’m falling asleep.”

He says nothing, but continues to nuzzle. I give in and start to stroke his hair back from his face.

“I’m glad you’re not crouching in the corner, snarling at me,” I continue, “but what has been up with you?”

He looks up at me, his eyes in pain, but still says nothing. Then he buries his face again and mumbles something. Eventually he works his mouth up to my ear, and I hear him whisper, “you have to get us out of here.”

“I’m working on it,” I say.

“No. Now! You have to get us out of here, now.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“No. You’re the one who got us here in the first place.”

He rolls over, gets out of bed, and parks himself in the corner again, staring defiantly at me.

“You think I’m damaged. That I can’t let go of the past. But I’m not the only one.”

~ by Servetus on June 16, 2011.

16 Responses to “Waking fantasy on the last morning in town”

  1. Where Lucas is right he is right ;o) Have a nice journey and get you both out of there safely, Servetus !!!


  2. For a second I thought the title was “my last night in Iowa”. I totally understood Lucas’ reaction then. I often have the same reaction when I’m in Iowa (apologizing to any Iowa readers here).

    I love how certain characters are only appropriate for certain times of day. Personally I would need a nice calm fellow like John Standring for the morning, and a tough guy like Porter for when I’m at work. I teach preschool – I often imagine JP keeping those four year old boys in line. If verbal intimidation doesn’t work, he call always pull out a large gun. (kidding here folks, I love my kiddoes and would never use intimidation of any kind, I’m more the kill them with kindness type of teacher)

    BTW If you are driving through Iowa at all, be careful of the flooding. It’s looking pretty bad in some areas. On the upside, you are going to Wisconsin! I love Wisconsin

    Travel safe and enjoy that audiobook


    • I don’t think JP would need intimidation to keep the boys in line – he’d just have to spin a nice yarn for them and they would hang on his lips in awe. 🙂


  3. Lucas is a very intelligent and insightful fellow ( who is SND and So NOT John Bateman)
    It’s time to get the heck outta Dodge, pardner! Bon voyage et bon courage!


  4. Whoa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  5. I’ve been thinking a lot about you Servetus and wondering how things are with you. I think your Lucas fantasies say a lot about the turmoil in your own mind and the obviously stressful time this is for you. You know we are with you as you travel but I wish you had a flesh and blood person to actually make that long trip with you. A solitary journey can be tough no matter how competent a driver you are and how much you enjoy your own company!

    Had to pull out my S7 Spooks DVD’s last night and rewatch the first 2 episodes even though I’ve done this umpteen times. May I say you are so right Angie. Lucas is brilliant – SND and most definitely not JB in my book. You just had to watch him and Elizabeta together to see IS still in love with his ex-wife when he declared that he had thought of her all those 8 years he was in prison and ONLY her!! I didn’t find it believable for a second that crazy back story they concocted that he loved Maya before all that. It just didn’t ring true for me. Did the writers even watch S7 and 8?? Yes I realize this is ALL water under the bridge and that S9 is over and there is nothing that any of us may think, say or do that can change that but as I watched last night is made me very sad. Such a travesty to treat such an incredible character as Lucas North that way!!


    • I usually look forward to the solitude, but I wasn’t so much this time. It might have helped to have someone along, but then I had Mr. Armitage in my fantasies as well. He was great 🙂


  6. […] one that I think people tend to talk about directly, at least not in my experience. One RA blogger, Servetus, to the best of my knowledge is an exception, and I applaud her honesty in conveying this aspect of […]


  7. What I am noticing is that certain characters also appear in certain emotional contexts. There’s a post I didn’t publish here because I never got to edit it about humiliating moments and the fantasy appearances of John Standring.


  8. Perhaps certain characters come to us when we need them most–just RA himself often first appears on our radars during a time of crisis or upheaval in our lives.


  9. […] seen you in the morning since June, when I wondered whether you needed psychiatric help, and when you began to hurl accusations at me. Too bad, I think, because a waking fantasy with Lucas almost never involves sex. Lucas is too […]


  10. […] mostly about comfort and safety. Mr. Thornton for work stuff. Porter for support, for instance. Lucas North for encountering trauma but not being able to speak about it. For a long time I didn’t fantasize about you as […]


  11. […] in detail verbally now; although I’ve never written about it in much detail, Lucas was about processing trauma, which is why his eyes graced the header for so long; and Porter, whom I’d also like to write […]


  12. […] for a few jobs, to keep up appearances, but she didn’t take the applications seriously. She made herself stop. She drove […]


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