“Three films will become 310.”

Mr. Armitage’s future employment is certain! He’ll never be out of work again! Great news! Peter Jackson’s going to make an individual film of each page of The Hobbit!

Here’s an English translation for those who don’t read German.

***

London, Wellington (dpo) – Good news for fans of Middle Earth! The long awaited film adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit will not, as originally planned, come in two or rather three installments, but rather in 310 pieces total. Star director Peter Jackson explained that the idea of making an individual 200-minute feature film out of each individual page of the English first edition of The Hobbit came to him as he went through the material for the first film. In the face of the richness of the story of The Hobbit andthe strength of the characters and of the actors, the question became pressing: “Should we tell more of it? And the answer, from our view as filmmakers and as fans, was a clear yes with no reservations.”

Fans the world over showed their excitement in response to the announcement. Malte Senfner, head of the German J.R.R. Tolkien Fan Club enthused: “Finally, each individual scene can be played out correctly, without shortening the contents so drastically, as — for example — in the hasty departure scene at the end of the third part of Lord of the Rings.”

Additionally, according to Senfner, Tolkien’s glorious landscape descriptions, some of which stretch out over several pages, will finally receive the recognition they deserve. Some of the films will consist completely of a several-hour-long panorama shot across areas like the Shire or the Misty Mountains.”

Financing for the monumental project is in place: U.S. studios Warner Bros. and MGM want to continue their cooperation with Peter Jackson through the entire triakodecalogy. Individual episodes will be released annually from 2012 till 2321. Industry insiders say the studios are particularly interested in the project because many pages of The Hobbit end in the middle of a paragraph, and thus almost every one of the 310 episodes will end with an exciting cliffhanger that won’t be resolved until the next film appears in theatres a year later.

The Hobbit: Part 1 — The Colophon, will appear on December 14th in cinemas worldwide.

***

Thanks to my ex-SO for sending me this.

~ by Servetus on August 2, 2012.

34 Responses to ““Three films will become 310.””

  1. LOL

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  2. Oh lord! I can’t afford going to so many premieres LOL!!!

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    • I think Armitage won’t be in *every* film.

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      • Exactly. Just think of all those many ambient films devoted to nothing but scenery!! Yahoo! 😀

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        • although maybe there’ll be 200 minutes of just watching him trudge across a landscape, too. What a challenge for the detailed actor! I bet he’s salivating already.

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          • Instead of “The Hobbit” chapter reading events, fan clubs can now focus on ‘single page deep interpretation’ readings – and spend time delving into how each film might interpret the break-down of each paragraph, sentence, word, and (hopefully!) consonant and vowel relationship between the various (e.g., Dwarf vs. Elven) languages.

            SO MUCH to look forward to!! Thank you Germans for the genius of this article!! 😉

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  3. “triakodecalogy”. How I love that word! This was hilarious, thanks!!!

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  4. Thanks! Now I know what am going to do to celebrate my 337′ birthday. I’m so excited!

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  5. LMAO!

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  6. I particularly love that each installment will be almost three hours long. Mmmmm.

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  7. ROFL!
    Thanks, I needed that! 🙂

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  8. LOL! Mr.Armitage dreams has just come true, he will be working tirelessly in the shaggy disguise till the end of time.

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    • I hadn’t thought of that, Joanna, but you’re right. This will totally reduce his sex symbol appeal if he sticks with it.

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  9. Just brilliant, thanks.

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  10. I must have missed that it is the 1st of April ;o)
    But does that mean, RA with long beard all the time ? No stubbles and clean shave looks some time soon ? But on the other hand he would be able to grow his own to the sensational dwarf llengths and proportions ;o)

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  11. This accomodates us Germans, as we (you all know that!) tend to prefer sheer endless in-depth studies!!!!!

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    • Yes, I think it was no coincidence that the positive comment came from the rpesident of the German fan club.

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  12. I have booked my place in the cryrogenics unit with Walt Disney and they have agreed that they will wake me every year for the premiere. I am hoping they will have a special viewing area for me as I will probably stink a bit by then.

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  13. But I won’t be here in 2321! (Nor will RA. Or PJ…)

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  14. LOL very funny. Love “The Hobbit – Pat 1: The Colophon.”

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  15. ROFLMAO

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  16. Did you put a disclaimer on this? 😉

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  17. Giggles! Well done!

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  18. Lol, Servetus. 🙂

    301 movies… oops, it’s urgent that I become eternal (Edwaaaard Cullen, where are you ???), unless I will not be able to see all the movies, lol.

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  19. […] proposed expansion of the studio project to film the 1937 J.R.R. Tolkien novel from two to three to 310 feature-length films. During the conversation, a Warner Bros. executive identified in the document […]

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