OMG! Richard Armitage to start in blockbuster rom-com!

Industry insiders report that Lionsgate Pictures has signed Richard Armitage to headline Alterations, its newest attempt at reviving the genre of the romantic comedy.

Jennifer Lawrence is set to co-star.

Lionsgate publicists announced that they had tapped Armitage for the role because of his $900 million-plus box office in The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies and the $150 million he and his fellow CGI tornadoes raked in for Into the Storm worldwide.

In the script, Armitage’s character, a fashion industry mogul, encounters Lawrence, who plays a young alterations seamstress trying to make ends meet in the cut-throat world of last minute fashion alterations in the Manhattan Garment District. One day Armitage drops a suit off for repair, and while it is in the seamstress’ custody, the young woman hangs the suit temporarily on a tree and the fabric brushes up against some very loose bark, causing a stain. The tension starts when the two begin to quarrel over whether the impoverished seamstress is responsible for removing what seems to have become an ever-fixed mark on the upper thigh of the suit. Armitage wants the mark removed, but Lawrence points to her shop’s terms of service, which promise not to alter alterations in the clothes she touches. When Armitage insists, Lawrence kneels to try to address the problem, Armitage’s leg begins to shake, and a bawdy, sweet, and tender comedy ensues.

Rumors that Martin Freeman had been engaged to play Lawrence’s best friend, a character with rosy cheeks and a speech impediment who tries for hours and weeks to keep the pair apart, could not be confirmed.

“This film has something for everyone, and we’re particularly happy that although it’s often difficult to pin Richard Armitage down, we have definitely taken his height, so that all of his trouser breaks will fit perfectly. We’re looking forward to several fitting scenes in the alterations shop.”

A particular angsty scene is said to occur when Armitage’s character does a soliloquy on whether his growing affinity to Lawrence can be love, seeing as how he found her in an alterations shop.

Initially, Armitage made no response on his Twitter account to thousands of tweets of congratulations from his fans.

Through judicious tracking via social media, however, this reporter was able to trace the elusive star of screen and stage down in a makeup wagon outside of Toronto, where he was frantically trying to shed the appearance of his latest role. I had to wait until he’d finished intensely scrubbing his teeth and washing his own mouth out with soap. (When asked, however, the retiring star is unworried that eyes and ears too innocent to read the word “bitches” could be harmed by the graphic, gory, and violent pictures and fan art of him that will inevitably be tweeted after his episodes on season 3 of Hannibal are aired. See related story, p.3: “Armitage plays a serial killer, but fans have never ever ever heard any obscenities cross his lips.”)

“Pardon me. I have to get all this fake blood off before my Twitter Q&A tomorrow,” the future rom-com star said, as he wiped his face with a white towel that had turned pink from the residue of gore and was full of little fragments of fake flesh.

When he surfaceed, I asked Armitage for comment on his role in Alterations.

Armitage replied: “Love’s not time’s fool! But you are! April Fools!”

As usual, Armitage’s agent could not be reached for comment.

***

Source material. Too improbable to be believed? Last year on April Fool’s Day, I predicted Richard Armitage would start a social media platform. Cough. Here are the jokes from 2013 and 2012.

~ by Servetus on April 1, 2015.

64 Responses to “OMG! Richard Armitage to start in blockbuster rom-com!”

  1. You got me!!! April Fool’s.

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  2. And here I was musing the fact of another “older” actor with a younger actress.

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    • Me too….although at first I was afeared it was Jennifer Aniston — even if she is more age appropriate.

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      • she’s a no go for me. Always the same character. Although the press discourse about perennially dumped Jennifer does make me feel sorry for her.

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  3. I was just looking at the clock. Yep, it’s 12:01 here lol!

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    • Love, love, love this bit: (When asked, however, the retiring star is unworried that eyes and ears too innocent to read the word “bitches” could be harmed by the graphic, gory, and violent pictures and fan art of him that will inevitably be tweeted after his episodes on season 3 of Hannibal are aired. See related story, p.3: “Armitage plays a serial killer, but fans have never ever ever heard any obscenities cross his lips.”)

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  4. I can’t stand Jen Lawrence so I was about to groan lol! You got me!

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  5. I knew it, you cheeky monkey, you! But then I once helped write stories for an April Fool’s edition of our newspaper. 😀 (And at least it was Jennifer Lawrence and not Jennifer Aniston LOL)

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  6. I saw Jennifer Lawrence’s name and thought ‘that’s a huge step up in co- stars’. Well played 🙂

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  7. Ok, all the air was sucked from my body when I started reading this. My worst nightmare was coming true!

    Fortunately I clued in when the ‘script’ was revealed and I realized it was a joke because, as we all know, this is definitely more of a J Lo plot. Hee hee.

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  8. snerk

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  9. Even though I knew it was coming, you got me. My pulse jumped and I was ecstatic for a few seconds. Good one.

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    • I can’t believe I got you, too …

      I actually thought about not doing one this year because I have done so many over the years, but maybe #oneLastTime

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  10. Dir auch einen schönen ersten April 😉 Du hast mich genau 3 Zeilen lang gebannt, aber dann war es klar!
    In meiner Lieblingszeitung steht heute im Regionalteil auch wieder irgend so ein Irrsinn, der aber auch immer hart an der Wahrheit schrammt. Macht Spaß danach zu suchen. Wird dann erst am nächsten Tag aufgeklärt……

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  11. I was wondering what you would unearth today 😉 Thanks for the giggles. A good way to start this cold dark day.

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  12. Really great joke!! LOL

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  13. Oh god, you had me until I read the 4th paragraph.

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  14. Got me too! Even told DH that he was doing a Rom Com!

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  15. April’s fool! (Poisson d’avril! ) 🙂

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  16. 😎

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  17. You got me for like three paragraphs 😆

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  18. Cute April Fool’s! One of these days, though, I would like to see RA do a romantic comedy again or at least a serious character with the occasional touch of humorous one-liners.

    Maybe Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. He’d make one heck of a Duke Orsino.

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    • After I finished this post I thought, this has promise. I should write a rom-com based on Sonnet 116 and send it to him 🙂

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  19. She gone and done it again, that girl Servetus ! Lol. I wasn’t born yesterday, you know! 😊

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  20. Very funny!

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  21. Damn! You had me for a moment there! LOL!

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  22. I was happily dreaming there for a while. Oh well!

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  23. You didn’t get me, maybe I’m wrong but can’t recall any post in this blog starting with OMG, lol A bit implausible anyway. 🙂

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  24. You got me so bad last year as a newbie, so I was ready this time 🙂 I must be the only one who likes Jenn Lawrence, oh well 😀

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  25. And I love the references used from Shakespeares Sonnets 116.

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    • Thank you for mentioning that! I was wondering if people would notice and make more jokes. I wanted to have a think about how the author of the original script was insisting on absolute control over the film, like EL James, but it gave the whole thing away …

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  26. […] Richard was cast in a blockbuster rom-com quite […]

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  27. LOL! You almost had me–until you mentioned Jennifer Lawrence. Ha! The whole notion of older man and much younger woman is so Ewwww! Ha! Even though, RA is so hot! Thanks for the giggles!

    But RA in a Rom-Com? If only! Sighhhh!

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  28. Klasse! Ich habe es geglaubt – wie heißt es so schön, der Wunsch ist die Mutter des Gedankens oder so ähnlich? Kommt vielleicht irgendwann 🙂

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    • I figure, if last April I joked about him starting to Tweet and in August he starts to tweet …. well, maybe …

      Like

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