BREAKING: Audible announces Richard Armitage’s next audiobook

tumblr_n5ocdxPOv11qlhck1o1_250Audible Studios, a production arm of, today announced the release of beloved stage and screen actor Richard Armitage’s next audiobook, quickly on the heels of audience favorites David Copperfield and The Turn of the Screw (2016). This impassioned performance by the star of Hannibal and The Hobbit will be available for download shortly.

In addition to his impressive television and film resume, Armitage is a renowned and polished audiobook narrator, nominated three times for Audie Awards: for Classic Love Poems (2015); for Hamlet, Prince of Denmark: A Novel (2014); and for Venetia (2011). Audible anticipates a further nomination for David Copperfield.

Asked about the new project, Reid Armbruster, Audible’s director of social media, stated, “We are pleased to be developing our relationship with Richard Armitage after the massive audience response to his audiobooks so far. It gives us particular pleasure to be able to supply Armitage’s fans with an audiobook version of a text that they assure us practically every week that they would be pleased to purchase.”

“The telephone book is likely to be tremendously popular, based on the the level of enthusiasm to hear Richard reading the phone book expressed in tweets,” said Audible EVP and publisher Beth Anderson. “With every recording, we strive to identify the perfect match of text and actor, and we think listeners will agree that Richard Armitage and the phone book is that ideal pairing. Fans of Richard’s television and film work are going to love spending time at the gym or in the car as he reads them the names and numbers of random people no one’s ever heard of. In particular, the long pages of Rodriguezes, Schmidts, Huangs and Johnsons should make for particularly exciting narration!”

Fans speculated that Armitage, well-known for the intensity with which he researches every role and project, would get particularly involved in this one.

“Given the fact that the phone book practically doesn’t exist anymore,” commented an under-employed former history professor and blogger in Wisconsin, “just assembling a reliable text to read that actually included the entire phone book in a list form might be a significant challenge. Or,” she continued, “he could just read it off the Internet.”

However, a picture circulating on social media seemed to support the possibility that Armitage had already completed the recording process for the book.

Richard Armitage records the telephone book in the studios.

Richard Armitage records the telephone book in the studios. Or perhaps the script preparer confused the phone book with a Tommy Tutone song.

The entertainment press was eager to discover more about the new project. After a fruitless search in Berlin, our intrepid reporter located Richard Armitage on the summit of Cardón on Fuerteventura. “There’s no snow. No skiing. Why can’t we film this damn thing in Austria?” he was heard to be grumbling when she scrambled up the slope after him.

Sensing his impatience, the reporter asked him a burning question: “Given your interest in finding an individual voice for EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER in a cast of thousands in David Copperfield, will you also individualize all the names in the Manhattan white pages for Audible? Or will you go for the safer approach of a single voice for each family name?”

At first, Armitage did not answer. Then he opened his mouth and yelled:

April Fool!

Happy April Fools’ Day to Richard Armitage,, and all of Armitage’s fans.

~ by Servetus on April 1, 2016.

96 Responses to “BREAKING: Audible announces Richard Armitage’s next audiobook”

  1. muffled laughter

  2. This was the greatest, i was rolling………Thank You!

  3. 😂😂😂😂😂
    I LOVE IT!!!!

    • That’s what Audible is hoping! Once Armitage does it, they can probably get Hiddleston to do it next.

  4. Very entertaining! Thanks for the smile.

  5. cackling Next up–random people’s grocery lists.😉 I love it, thank you!😀

  6. I’m going to cross my fingers for the Armitage on Audible version of the 1040 tax booklet next year. I’d pay double to listen to him read It. I might even understand is me of the finer nuances of the math problems if he did. Just saying.

  7. LOL. Can’t wait to hear it. I hear the ending is inspired.🙂

  8. Damn! I was just about to go see if it was on pre-order!
    The phone number on the paper is a nice touch.😉 Love it!

  9. Thank you for the chuckle. Or as my husband just asked, Why are you cackling? You had me going at first.

  10. 😆😆

  11. I have long waited for this particular announcement. So glad it is finally coming. At least we now know what his next project is. Will do wonders for his pale British teint (given that he won’t see the light of day for months, during recording).

  12. Well played ma’am, well played.🙂

  13. Ha, da fehlte mir bereits nach den ersten Jubelsätzen der gewohnte Quellenhinweis und spätestens beim Stichwort Telefonbuch habe ich es kapiert 😜 Dir auch einen schönen “April, April! ”
    Kleiner Querverweis: das Telefonbuch wurde bereits vor 30 Jahren auch schon mal literarisch rezensiert. Einer meinere Lieblingsklassiker von Loriot Eine Audioversion ist also ohne weiteres denkbar. 😂

  14. Hahaha! Excellent post Serv! 😂😂😂

  15. You had me going there as I didn’t notice the numbers on the page!😦 Who looks at numbers when he’s in the gif? Absolutely priceless though😀

  16. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! 😂 You had me completely for the first three paras! Thanks for making my morning!

    • I’m glad the joke worked at least for some! The first 2 paras are closely modeled on actual press releases — the only way to make this joke work was to bury the title of the “new” audiobook as long as possible.

  17. Großartig – Lol! Thanks🙂

    • Thank Armitage — he’s the one who’s reading “Schmidt, Anne, Schmidt, Betty, Schmidt, Christina, Schmidt, Christine,” after all …

  18. Oh, you😄 But mind you: I would buy that stuff!😄

  19. Reblogged this on Aquilea of the Lonely Mountain.

  20. Ok this piece is superb Ms Servetus, I was completely convinced and eagerly scanning ahead for the new “title”. And enough to convince me to step out of my second round of lurkerdom. Well written!🙂

  21. Best. Ever.

  22. great April Fool’s story

  23. See, I would soooooo purchase this anyway!!! LOL! Happy April Fools.

    • We can suggest it to him if the Hobbit royalty money ever runs out.

      • Perhaps we should suggest it to him. I remember a few years ago reading where you actually could get a celebrity to record your voice mail message. Maybe he’d do it for charity.

  24. Lol … I read the first paragraph or so trying to work out what the title was. I’m an April Foll indeed!

    • yeah, a real release would have put the title in the first sentence. But then the joke would have been over immediately. Happy April Fools!

  25. Somebody else already tried to prank me this a.m. so I was all over it…. they would probably sell pretty well though 😂😂😂

    • One of the Tolkien bloggers got it really badly yesterday — published a report that WB and Jackson were planning to do another film based on the LOTR appendices or something. To the point that when I read it, I thought HE was April Fooling his readers — until about about four hours later, he published a second post saying that he’d deleted the earlier one. I felt bad for him, but that’s how April Fools works, you play on the target’s desire to believe something is true.

  26. Reblogged this on Well, There You Go … and commented:

    Get yours now!

  27. It took me a minute , …. I would love to hear him read the phone book ,….. Id be all a quiver as he got to my name and number .!..BRILLIENT SERVETUS made me laugh out loud xx

    • I think we could crowdfund it that way … who wouldn’t pay a little bit to hear him read your name and number?

  28. Thankyou .I was taken in , maybe we should tell Richard there is a money maker here , reciting the phone book ! Made my day , keep armitaging xxx

  29. Too freaking funny. And dangerous to have a drink in hand when one gets to the photo down below! NOW I see why Audible didn’t include RA in their little prank (which is actually downloadable- I did it!). Who needs him to narrate the Encyclopedia Britannica when he’s already committed himself to the phone book?

  30. Good one! You had me for a second or two.

  31. hahahaha I love you

  32. great

  33. Natürlich habe ich zuerst nicht auf das Datum geachtet, aber mal ehrlich – das Telefonbuch…
    Danke für das breite Grinsen in meinem Gesicht. Das kann ich heute sehr gut gebrauchen.🙂

  34. LOLOLOLOLOL! Very clever and fun! 😊

    • What will that man do next?

      • I dunno, but it’d be nice to hear his voice giving me directions in my car on the navigator system… I might go in circles on purpose just to hear the reprimands that would have to be made on account of my ridiculous driving🙂

      • I’m hoping he plays Matthew Clairmont. ❤️

        • Yeah, I’ve thought about that too… for some reason I picture that character a little shorter than Richard- maybe it’s the wolf references, and I think of a wolf as a stockier creature. I like Emily Blunt for the witch. And maybe Sean Connery (a younger one) for Matthew’s father.

  35. That was priceless! roflmao

  36. You are the best , Serv. The photo is perfect.

    • Thanks. I could have created a spliced together tape of him reading those numbers, but I figured it wouldn’t compete with him actually singing the song …

  37. So much fun! I would fast forward to him reading my name and number.

  38. OMG! You made my day! Best April Fool ever! You really had me going for a bit.😉😄

  39. 😜

  40. Oh, I must really be beyond tired. You had me going for quite awhile, until the actual words “telephone book” hit me between the word “sucker” on my forehead! This year, I thought that the April Fool’s jokes were sparse…only to be graced with one here! And, an extra chuckle for the phone number. I’ve got that one-hit-wonder stuck in my head! 😆😬

  41. All I can think of when you do these type of things is a gleeful smirk and the last part of the quote from Shakespeare: By the pricking of my thumb/ something wicked this way comes.🙂

  42. I did find some Hiddlestone doing the weather in Chicago.

  43. Love it! You really had me going. And, coincidentally, I just posted a remark that Richard could read the phone book and make it sound exciting. 😀

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