Top Ten list of Richard Armitage scenes that have NOT been added to Ocean’s 8

Richard Armitage reported today that he was shooting additional scenes for the upcoming film,  Ocean’s 8. Naturally, this is because the pre-screens revealed that the film would have been substantially improved by more screen time for Armitage. But what specifically would they add to lengthen his role?

Here at “me + richard armitage,” we were able to get the goods from a leak off the set in Brooklyn. Well, kind of. Not about the scenes that were added. But about all the ones they didn’t add! Here’s a list.

10. Claude Becker reading the phone book

Richard Armitage photo distributed by Berlin Station instagram, June 2017.

Attractive because: fans constantly ask him to do it and because it feeds into a rumored project.

Challenging because: the Manhattan phone book has a whole page of “Brzęczyszczykiewiczes” in it.

Ultimately rejected because: Richard Armitage now only uses his phone to take selfies.

9. Claude Becker using his pooper scooper

Richard Armitage and James Cordon on set of Ocean’s 8, 2017.

Attractive because: more shots of Armitage in close proximity to those fancy dogs.

Additional reason: Richard Armitage thought it would add more verisimilitude to the street scenes.

Ultimately rejected because: Property master pointed to union rules that demand a bonus for exposure to hazardous props.

8. Claude Becker painting

(Claude Monet) Richard Armitage chews the scenery in episode 3 of The Impressionists.

Attractive because: we love it when Richard Armitage puts his characters’ tools in his mouth.

Richard Armitage was against because: he’s developed an aversion against oral contact of any kind with artwork since his bleeding chapped lips while eating the Blake image in Hannibal.

Ultimately rejected because: It felt like a red herring plot possibility — unless, of course, you think Becker is the forger.

7. Claude Becker lying naked on a sheep

Excerpted from Richard Armitage’s email to the writers.

Attractive because: do I really need to explain this?

Additional reason: Richard Armitage thought it would look like the Blake painting above and sent the writers a 42.5 page email about it.

Difficulty: having a live animal on set requires ASPCA supervision. Armitage balked at lying naked on a sheep skin, insisting on having an actual sleeping sheep at his disposal.

Ultimately rejected because: I heard they’re still debating this one.

6. Claude Becker breaking it down on the dance floor at the Met Gala in his eveningwear

Claude Becker (Richard Armitage) getting ready to bust a move.

Attractive because: Dat ass. Need I say more?

Big problem: expensive to recreate the whole scene, but the cinematographer thought they could try some very short shots.

Additional risk: fears Taylor Swift could be tempted to write a song about it.

Neutral position: my source says Armitage “was not totally opposed. He likes shaking his booty. His agent negotiated a bottle of win into the scene for him to get him ready.”

Ultimately rejected because: When they rehearsed and Armitage began by ripping off his bow tie, all the extras of both sexes fainted and the emergency services costs skyrocketed. The scene was canceled when the insurer threatened to drop them.

5. Claude Becker skiing

Richard Armitage expresses his enthusiasm for the Go Pro camera in an interview for Paleyfest, September 2017.

Attractive because: Fans have always wanted to see what Armitage records on his skiing Go Pro camera.

Richard Armitage’s reaction: All those women want to ride my lift??

Ultimately rejected because: Equity rules protect the craft of photographers working on set. If an actor takes over a filming task, he needs to join an additional union.

4. Claude Becker making a very liberal political speech

John Proctor was always telling us what he thought about contemporary politics.

Attractive because: It definitely keeps all fangirls glued to their screens.

Armitage’s response: [edited]

Ultimately rejected because: This film is already suspiciously feminist.

3. Claude Becker in a tornado

Richard Armitage as Gary in Into the Storm.

Attractive because: Richard Armitage always looks his best when he’s in the path of a tornado machine.

Also attractive because: Who doesn’t love a tornado film?

Armitage’s response: [edited]. [edited]. [edited.] [edited.]

Ultimately rejected because: Too much CGI required.

2. Claude Becker looking thoughtful and moody

Richard Armitage as Mr. Thornton in episode 1 of North & South.

Attractive because: We can watch the emotions flicker across Armitage’s face for hours and hours. This would be the easiest, cheapest way to add more Armitage to the movie.

Richard Armitage’s reaction: “I try to be a detailed actor.”

Fan audience sample reaction: “We’d especially like to see the emotions flicker across his face in the scene where he’s handcuffed in bed!”

Ultimately rejected because: Sadly, Becker is not a very reflective or moody character.

1. Claude Becker drowning

Richard Armitage’s new hashtag compaign.

Attractive because: Wet Armitage. What’s not to love?

Ultimately rejected because: You’ve heard of “inclusion riders.” This time, Armitage’s agent was smart enough to negotiate a “no drowning rider”!

Rejection attractive because: Richard Armitage is starting his own hashtag campaign for greater film role dryness.

So — Perry — you were right! #nobarrels

~ by Servetus on March 7, 2018.