“We’d fight over Lee Pace”: Three fan scenarios

[I feel compelled to say, in case it’s not obvious, that these are jokes sent to me by blog readers in response to this comment.]

***

I.

you’re in bed with RA, and after some very hot and steamy foreplay, he’s about to get to the main event, when you hear the bedroom door open slowly and Lee Pace creeps into the room … and sneaks stealthily to the closet to steal some of RA’s clothes

Lee, Richard calls out wearily, as he pulls off of you, get away from the closet …

***

II.

I’m married to Richard Armitage, we’re having our customary lazy sunny Saturday morning — sitting on the couch with café au lait and croissants and fresh fruit, cuddling, reading the paper.

The doorbell rings. It’s Lee Pace. Richard goes to the door.

“Rich,” he says, excitedly, “I need to borrow some more clothes, tumblr says the fans are getting bored with their other pictures!”

***

III.

I’m sitting on the bed, folding laundry, watching Netflix, who knows where Mr. A is, Lee walks in.

“Hey, Rich said I could borrow that Zegna suit tonight, you know where it is?”

“The Zegna?”

“Yeah, I don’t think he’s worn it since Wellington and I have a thing tonight.  You know the one I’m talking about, right?”

“Yeah, I think I have a vague memory of him wearing clothes in Wellington.”

“Ha.”

“I’m sure he did at some point, put some clothes on, I mean.”

“C’mon, I haven’t borrowed anything for ages!”

“You’re not getting the Zegna.”

“Why not?”

“Reasons.”

He’ll start shuffling through the clean folded clothes on the bed, ’cause nothing pisses me off faster than all my sorting and folding being touched before it’s safely away in drawers.  By now he surely knows it’s a trigger.

“Sarah, I need the Zegna …”

“You can borrow the waxed wool from Tokyo.”

“I couldn’t pull that off.”

“I know.”

“How about the dinner jacket from that GQ shoot?”

“Mmmm, how about the houndstooth from New York?”

“You’re killing me here …”

I’d be laughing by now, “Okay, final offer, the three-piece from the World’s End premiere, and ONLY if you promise never to say ZEGNA in my presence again.”

“You know he’ll come get it for me.”

“Oh, you’re sweet, you think he knows where his stuff is!  That’s adorable.”

(Sighs) “Fine, I’ll take the three piece …”

“And this time, just take it to the dry cleaner on 53rd, I’ll pick it up from there when it’s clean.”

“You’re obsessed with laundry.”

“Only his.”

the end

~ by Servetus on February 2, 2014.

13 Responses to ““We’d fight over Lee Pace”: Three fan scenarios”

  1. The first one killed me xD
    And of course, the Zegna 😛 These are hilarious!

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  2. Loved these. I think Lee should not overlook the large selection of leather jackets in RA’s closet. They make quite the fashion statement and Richard would probably never miss one or two. Lee could keep them until summer.

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  3. *chortling, so my cat looks at me strangely*

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  4. We know Richard would battle a dragon for his Belstaff jackets (he told be so LOL!), but would he fight Lee too?
    BTW, I was wondering, with all this alleged clothes sharing, how similar they are in size. I think Lee is a but larger but then the clothes seem a tad baggy on him (if indeed we are talking about the same items).
    OK, pass me the tape measure, I’m willing to take one for the team and conduct research 😉

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  5. That just makes my day – especially if irony is involved. Thanks for the stories & sharing!

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  6. Loved it. That is just so funny.

    Like

  7. Man, the way it’s going Lee’s gonna be that giant stray kitty that just.won’t.leave. and you’d huff and puff when he’s around but you just secretly want to pat the top of his fluffy adorable head.

    Like

  8. Thank you! All three are cute, but the last one made me laugh out loud.

    Like

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