Suggestion to Armitage marketing department

Friday was a weird day; two really wretched moments but an affirming, provocative conversation that extended over hours, too, and did some work toward pulling me out of an affective hole I’ve been mired in lately. After all that, a friend invited me over to ring out the miserable work week with comfort food, wine, and a movie. We watched Holiday (1938) and liked it a lot. After the movie her partner came home from work and we had one of those conversations that makes me feel like I’m part of a family even though I’m more and more of a confirmed spinster as the months past. It was just what I needed.

Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn in a publicity still for Holiday. Great film, but not so fast-paced that there was no opportunity to notice certain resemblances between Grant and Richard Armitage — one being that very marked hairline. I’m not the only one to speculate on his similarities to leading men of the 1940s and 50s.

Anyway, we were talking about the Seton family in the film — big money — and how our families are not big money, which got us onto the topic of inheritances, and thus to the issue of china being passed on in families. This friend has known me for over nine years, which — since I move a lot — is a pretty long relationship, more than a fifth of my life. She knows that I have an intense love for porcelain and for about five years, while her office was directly across the hall from mine, she watched me collect a lot of it. You’d be stunned if you had any idea how much. Like, I could have an afternoon party and serve coffee and tea to probably sixty people using my favorite pattern (picture at the beginning of this paragraph) of tea cup or coffee cup, saucer, and sandwich or cake plate. I could comfortably host a three course dinner party for twelve with different pieces of the same pattern. And that’s not even close to all I’ve got, in that pattern or others I like that are more expensive and thus not really suitable for everyday use. It was a phase of my life when I was particularly acutely feeling the lack of having a real home and was probably compulsively collecting dinner services as a means of compensating. House po*n. The last three years I seem to have abandoned entirely anything beyond the notion of a physical home. Probably when I move in May I’ve got to unload some of this stuff, as it seems to belong to a former self. Don’t know what I’ll ever do with it now, as I seem to have no continuing city. I’ve even stopped reading Martha Stewart.

Anyway, she was noting that as far as my hobbies have gone, Armitagemania has been a lot cheaper than the porcelain phase. Yeah, I did get a region-free DVD player and I’ve bought a lot of DVDs, but the grand total is probably still well under $500 at this point. I was noting that for me it’s been a fairly memorabilia-free fascination. Most of it’s conducted at the computer screen so I don’t have any physical photos, any keepsakes, autographs, etc., etc. I think I only have one printout of a photo for travel emergencies. I mentioned to her that I don’t even have the famous and increasingly hard to locate Guy of Gisborne action figure. I speculated that there might be another Armitage action figure on the horizon as a product tie-in to the Captain America film (and Mr. Armitage has said recently that he had a cast of his head made, though he doesn’t give a date, so this could have been an experience he had in conjunction with Robin Hood).

She was skeptical about the desirability of a Gisborne or Heinz Krüger figure, but she had another idea that I thought could be worth exploring. Maybe someone has already thought this up, but I didn’t notice it on Natalie‘s list of items she wants to put in her “Richard Room“: a Mr. Thornton action figure. So much better than Ken! Every Mr. Thornton action figure will come not only with the amazingly long legs, dramatic complexion with stubble, and brooding features including aquiline nose and pronounced jaw, but also with the long black trousers, boots, and linen shirt molded on, because he never needs to take any of these off to change his outfits.

Suggested features we came up with (can you think of more?):

I. Superposable right arm for beating up recalcitrant workers:

Mr. Thornton (Richard Armitage) loses his temper with Stephens (Frank Lauder) for smoking in the mill in North & South, episode 1. Source: Richard Armitage Central Gallery. As a side note: love those lips. Hard to figure out how to make an action figure with posable lips, though. Please let our developer know if you have any idea about how to make that work.

II. Removable westcoats and a black overcoat, PLUS three removable and interchangeable cravats.

A. Burgundy for date nights

Mr. Thornton (Richard Armitage) visits the Hales for tea in North & South, episode 1. Source: Richard Armitage Central Gallery. An especially festive choice, to be used sparingly.

B. Black for every day

Mr. Thornton (Richard Armitage) looks out over his silent factory during the strike in North & South, episode 2. Source: Richard Armitage Central Gallery. This is an especially nice choice for times when you want to enhance the dramatic, tortured appearance of your Mr. Thornton action figure — in other words, pretty much all the time.

C. Cream for dinner parties and other evening events

Mr. Thornton (Richard Armitage) reassures Mr. Bell (Brian Protheroe) that Marlborough Mills will weather the strike in North & South, episode 2. Source: Richard Armitage Central Gallery. Lighter color for evening, plus it also seems to underline the sincerity of the action figure. The loose weave of the fabric is also an intriguing fashion choice that your figure will enjoy exploiting from time to time. Did I mention that a little switch at the base of the neck allows you to control the degree of crinkle in the action figure’s forehead?

III. Collar of shirt with two positions: closed, as above, and as below. Note: the collar of your Mr. Thornton action figure will only move to the “open” position at moments when he is feeling extremely stressed out:

As in certain encounters with his mother after a strike, a riot, and something that looks like a clear expression of love to him:

Mrs. Thornton (Sinead Cusack) reassures Mr. Thornton (Richard Armitage) about his decision to propose to Margaret in North & South, episode 2. Source: Richard Armitage Central Gallery.

After a bankruptcy, an exhausting hike through the countryside around the New Forest, and a totally unexpected encounter in a train station:

Margaret (Daniela Denby-Ashe) and Mr. Thornton (Richard Armitage) bump into each other while taking the train in opposite directions, a meeting that changed history forever. Source: Richard Armitage Central Gallery.

IV. And of course, absolutely essentially, every Mr. Thornton figure is equipped with an astounding right thumb.

Look at the amazing emotional range Armitage gets out of his thumb in the final scene of North & South, episode 4, where Mr. Thornton (Richard Armitage) finally kisses Margaret (Daniela Denby-Ashe). Source: Richard Armitage Central Gallery.

We’re also think about a optional accessory pack that would include a worn-brimmed black tophat, a woven basket for carrying fruit around and/or a selection of books for the same purpose, and a little packet of white fragments that could be used either as cotton fluff or snowflakes.

Would you buy one?

~ by Servetus on October 17, 2010.